


The Light of Fallen Stars

by AislinCeivun



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: (gen fic in the sense that while the romance is present it's not the focus of the story), (much like in canon), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angel Corruption, Angels, Angst, Depression, Drama, Fallen Angels, Friendship, Gen, Guilt, M/M, Manipulation, Religious Content, Romance, Slash, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:29:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3435260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AislinCeivun/pseuds/AislinCeivun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(ITF fallen angel AU.)</p><p>In 2009, a mysterious sickness spread in Heaven, causing many angels to fall to Earth. Their bodies turned grey, their magic dissolved, their wings rotted and fell apart until nothing was left of them but useless, charred remains. After The Falling, some of them used what was left of their power to cast glamours on themselves. They are living among the mortals now, masquerading as humans. Others claim there is a greater purpose for them and are trying to find a way back into Heaven. Those untouched by The Falling do not consider the ‘abominations’ as their brethren anymore, believing that God cast them out of Heaven as punishment.</p><p>Kieren is a fallen guardian angel. In the past three years, he’s been living with a human family, posing as the brother of the girl he was once watching over. One day however an old friend shows up, and with her comes everything he has avoided facing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Walking on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014/2015 In the Flesh Mini Bang.
> 
> I’ve been sitting on this idea for months so I’m grateful that the bang prompted me to actually write it down – though it’s become so long I almost run out of time…  
> ^^;
> 
> I was lucky enough to be paired with the wonderful [**botstuff**](http://botstuff.tumblr.com) who, despite me rushing to meet the deadline, created truly stunning illustrations for the story. (The breaker is my own, that’s why it’s not so fabulous :’D) Her art is embedded in the fic but be sure to like & reblog them on her tumblr [**HERE**](http://botstuff.tumblr.com/tagged/the-light-of-fallen-stars). (One of them contains heavy spoilers, so it's probably the best to only check the link after you have finished the story.)  
>  And my awesome beta is [**Soracia**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/soracia/pseuds/soracia). With all my rushing I didn't leave much time for her, either, but she's an amazing person who totally kicked this story into shape. :) Thank you so much!  
>  I also want to thank **D1** and **Jane** for putting up with me while I was spamming their inbox and freaking out on them. This story nearly ate my brain but they helped me a lot by listening and talking to me so I could keep going. Thank you, guys, I love you.♥
> 
> And a small intro:  
> As the summary says, this is a fallen angel AU. The first half follows the events of canon closely, but will take a different turn later on. I played around with angel lore but based the celestial hierarchy on [ the version put together by Pseudo-Dionysius](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_angelic_hierarchy).
> 
> A short list of classes from most to least significant (at least in terms of this story):  
>  _First Sphere (heavenly counselors):_ Seraphim, Cherubim, Ophanim/Thrones  
>  _Second Sphere (heavenly governors):_ Dominions, Virtues, Powers  
>  _Third Sphere (heavenly messengers):_ Principalities, archangels, (common) angels
> 
> Thank you, and enjoy reading~!

__

 

“Kieren! As I live and breathe!”

At the sound of the voice he hasn’t heard in three years, Kieren snaps his head up so fast his neck cracks. He stares at the rapidly approaching figure with his lips parting and eyes widening in shock.

It can’t be… oh, but she is. She is!

Her smile is still just as radiant as the stars they used to admire together, her laugh carrying the warmth of sunlight he can no longer feel on his skin. For a second, Kieren is warm all over. He welcomes the feeling with a passion that is strange and new and familiar all at once.

“Amy!” he cries, dropping the brush and canvas from his lap so he can stagger to his feet. “Oh Heavens… _Amy!_ ”

“Come here, you doofus! Give me a hug!”

She throws her arms around Kieren as soon as she is close enough to do so and pulls him in a tight embrace. When Kieren squeezes back and buries his nose in her shoulders, she laughs again and plants a messy kiss onto his temple. Three years ago, this would have made Kieren roll his eyes and pull away. That’s not the case anymore.

“I missed you so much,” he mutters into her cool skin.

Amy stops laughing and her voice gentles. “Silly. I missed you just as much.”

He can’t believe she’s here. Here!  It’s amazing and bewildering, but mostly Kieren’s just happy that she found him. Although it was his choice to stay off the radar, he can’t feel anything but happiness and gratitude for the chance to be with his best friend again.

They embrace for a long time, but eventually Kieren pulls away just enough to take in the sight of Amy.

She’s wearing a nice, colourful dress that really suits her, but her skin is sickly pale. When Kieren looks up to her face, pearl-white eyes lock with his own brown ones.

“You aren’t glamouring yourself,” he observes needlessly.

“Nope – I’m going _au naturale_. This is my appearance now; has been for years. I’m not going to waste what little is left of my power to hide it.” Her eyes narrow a fraction. “Unlike you.”

Kieren doesn’t bat an eyelid.

Amy does indeed appear like all the other Fallen in their natural state, yet Kieren studies her figure carefully, taking in all the damage his best friend has suffered. Besides the eerie white of her eyes and her pale complexion, there is a whole new map of blueish veins threading across what is visible of her chest, and the skin seems to be cracking in places. Her long brown hair has lost its shine and falls raggedly to her back. She is smiling, but the blue tint of her dry lips makes her appear creepy instead of warm and welcoming.

Kieren swallows around the hard lump in his throat and forces himself to not drop his gaze, no matter the strong wave of shame flooding his insides.

He is all too aware of the fact that he looks exactly the same under the protective layers of his glamour… but he hasn’t met his true reflection in as many years as he’s been on Earth. Watching Amy now feels like facing a mirror – and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like it at all.

Judging by the way Amy snickers, it’s probably written all over his face.

“Why do you bother with the glamour, Kieren? I could understand if we were in the middle of a busy town… but here? There’s not a soul around! Why waste your power, then?”

Kieren fixes his gaze on a nearby tree. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me, handsome.”

“It’s… Amy, it’s… _this_ is my appearance now. It’s all I’m ever using my leftover magic for. I’m… I’m Kieren Walker now. I live like this. I _am_ like this.”

He steals a glance at Amy. The smile is nowhere on her face.

“No, this is _not_ who you are,” she objects. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she pins Kieren with a hard look. “You are an _angel_ , Kieren. Have you forgotten that?”

He doesn’t say anything.

After a few moments of staring contest, Amy sighs. “Have you been spending the last few years like this? Like all the cowards who decided to blend in with humans and forget about why we ended up like this? Not caring at all about how we could get home?”

“We can’t get home.”

“ _Of course_ we can get home! There _is_ a way! We just–”

“Yeah? Are you sure about that?” Kieren cuts in. “I’d have thought that three years were more than enough to come up with a solution. If none of us could find anything, it’s because there is _nothing_ to find. We are stuck here. For good.”

“You can’t honestly believe that!”

Amy steps closer and puts her hands on either side of Kieren’s shoulders, squeezing lightly. She doesn’t seem upset anymore; she just looks sad. Kieren hates himself for making Amy sad five minutes into their reunion, but there’s nothing he can do about it.

“Kieren, you can’t give up. You can’t lose your hope. We fell from grace for a reason… and when that reason is found and our purpose is fulfilled, we will be granted a way to return to Heaven. Trust me – we will ascend in a glory others can only dream of.”

Kieren can’t help it: he snorts. The crescents of his nails dig into his palm as he fists his hands.

“There was no great purpose behind the Falling,” he says with conviction.

“We believe there is,” Amy replies with just as much confidence.

“We?”

“Yes. _We._ The Ascendants.” Amy lets go of Kieren, takes a step back, and raises her head with pride. “Not all of us are scattered around the world, you know. There is a network of Fallen Ones, and they spend all their time searching for lost comrades. Others, who still have more power, are trying to get intel on Heaven. And our leader… the Watcher… he knows exactly how we can return home.”

“The Watcher?” Kieren repeats, the title unfamiliar on his tongue. “I’ve never heard of him.”

“He can’t reveal his identity to us, not yet.” She lowers her voice but her excitement and admiration still shine through. “He’s a Dominion, Kieren.”

“What? No way! Only the Third Sphere was cast out of Heaven!”

“Yes! He is the only Second Sphere angel on Earth, and he comes here in secret. He puts himself in danger by spying on Heaven, and he’s dedicating everything he has to help us all. He says that the occurrence of The Falling has been written in the stars; that we are destined to bring forth great changes both in Heaven and on Earth.” She looks Kieren straight in the eye. “I have faith in him.”

“I don’t know, Amy.”

It sounds too good to be true. Gathering the Fallen Ones together is nice – Kieren is sure that those who did not choose solitude like him are happy to not be lost and alone, to be with their comrades.

But The Falling, _destined?_ No way. Bullshit.

There was no greater purpose behind it, no grand plan… Kieren knows this without a doubt. It was just the result of a foolish act, nothing more.

He sighs and sits back on the ground, not caring that the grass stains his jeans. His friend follows him without hesitation and hops down next to Kieren.

There is so much he wants to ask her. So many questions circling in his head… but when he opens his mouth, the words spill out of him immediately.

“How did you even end up with them?”

Amy perches herself on her knees and throws her head back so she’s facing the sky. Sunlight falls over her cheeks, giving a healthy glow to her skin.

“I fell in Spain,” Amy says after a while. “It took me a while to heal enough so I would be fit to travel and even more till I could get back to England. I was confused and afraid… I had no idea what was going on, Kieren. I lost my ward and had no way of communicating with higher ups. I even… I thought I was the only one. For a while, I did what you are doing now; I used glamour to blend in with humans. But one day, they found me.”

Amy reaches down to touch a nearby daisy, playing with its petals absently.

“We’re like a huge network. A family. We are much closer to each other than we were in Heaven. We are trying to find all the other Fallen so when the time comes for us to fulfil our purpose and return to Heaven, nobody will be left behind. I was sent here to Roarton because one of the Principalities sensed the presence of an angel here. I had no idea it was you until I spotted you.”

Amy suddenly looks Kieren straight in the eye, and her expression is stricken – full of regret.

“If I had known you were here, I’d have come much, much sooner,” she says quietly. “In hindsight, it was stupid of me. I mean, I knew your ward was here, but we all fell so randomly, it didn’t occur to me that you might have ended up here. And you have to know, Kieren… not all of us survived The Falling. Some of us died right away. Others succumbed to their injuries days later. I feared… I feared that you also…”

Her voice breaks. She can’t bring herself to finish, but Kieren understands. He takes Amy’s hands in his own and strokes her fingers, wishing he could give her some warmth.

“I’m okay,” he says. “I’m okay now.”

“I saw so many of them, Kieren.” Amy’s voice trembles. “I got used to the way we look like now… our eyes and complexion… but the wings! Holy spirits, I am tormented by the sight of them. Some have damaged their wings so severely they died from it. Others have lost so much they can’t even gather enough power to put on the smallest of glamours. It’s terrible. I was so afraid you fell alone and died in a ditch with nobody around to help you…”

Kieren gulps hard but the burning sense of shame doesn’t leave him. He recalls thinking that this is exactly what he would have deserved – dying alone from the injuries he’d suffered from his foolishness.

But he didn’t. He survived.

“It was bad, at first,” he confesses after a while. “Almost nothing is left of my wings. I spent a week in a cave, gathering my strength. Then…”

“Then what?”

“I went to the only person I trusted with all my heart.”

Understanding dawns on Amy’s face. “Your ward, eh? She lives here.”

“Yes. I told Jem what happened and she said I should stay with her. With them. I mean–”

“You charmed her folks to make them think you’re one of them,” Amy cuts in. “So that’s what you meant when you said you are Kieren Walker. You’re posing as her, what, her big brother?”

Kieren allows himself a small smile. “Something like that.”

It doesn’t even feel strange. Kieren has been a guardian angel all his existence, and in the three centuries since his last regeneration cycle, he has never been assigned a human he felt closer to. He’s shared a special connection with the girl from the moment he first laid eyes on her in her nursery, and the feeling has only grown with time. He revealed himself to Jemima Walker when she was six years old, and she never made him regret his decision. They were as close as true siblings.

Even after The Falling, when Kieren stumbled into her room like a shadow of himself… ghastly and pale and white-eyed, with only useless, burnt chunks of his once beautiful wings… Jem wasn’t scared of him. She let him stay.

She was the only reason Kieren found it in himself to keep on existing.

“Well, I’m happy you’re safe and doing good. Still, I’d like you to join us. You don’t have to deal with everything all alone, you know.”

“I don’t know, Amy.” Kieren shifts uncomfortably, but the other angel suddenly shakes her head, sending brown hair tufts flying everywhere.

“Perhaps I’m not doing justice to the Ascendants. I’m a crappy motivational speaker. You know what, sweetcheeks? I’m going to introduce you to someone.”

“Who? I thought you were alone.”

“Nope.” A dreamy smile blossoms on Amy’s face. “I was sent here with a Principality. He’s amazing – I bet he’ll sway you. He knows how to talk to people.”

Kieren isn’t so sure about that, but he nods anyway.

With all the warmth of a beautiful springtime day, Amy gestures toward the half-finished painting lying on the grass.

“Nice painting, by the way. I’ve always wanted to see you doing art stuff. Rick once mentioned you re-organising a bunch of flowers on a meadow because you didn’t like how they looked. I thought he was exaggerating but–”

She cuts off, realising her mistake the moment Kieren goes stiff next to her.

“Oh. Oh, I’m… I’m sorry, Kieren, I didn’t mean to–”

“I know,” he cuts in, not wanting to hear more. “Don’t worry about it.”

 _Don’t speak about him_ , is what he means.

He’s extremely grateful for Amy to pick up on it.

She lets the subject go and flashes another – if a bit hesitant – smile at him. Then, she gets up from the ground and smoothes her skirt.

“Okay, big boy. I’m leaving you to your painting now, but I’ll be in touch soon, alright? I really did miss you something awful.”

As soon as Kieren stands up, she pulls him into another tight embrace and Kieren returns it with just as much affection, breathing in the cool, earthy scent of his friend. Amy once smelled like flowers and honey, but it is gone now. Still, the scent makes Kieren feel safe and loved. For the first time in years, he feels like he’s home.

“Hey, do you have one of those, you know. Mobile phones?” Amy asks after a while. When he shakes his head, she pouts and pulls at Kieren’s cheeks playfully. “Pity. Well, nevermind then. I’ll find you.”

Kieren stays still where he is and doesn’t sit back until Amy disappears from sight.

He pulls the canvas back into his lap and lifts his brush, but he can’t seem concentrate on the painting anymore. Even though he’s staring at the beautiful scenery, he sees nothing in front of himself but Amy’s face – so different than the last time he’d seen her and yet still so familiar. He’d started to lose hope of ever seeing any of his kin again.

But then again, it was Kieren who chose to stay hidden in Roarton. He’s fairly sure that he is the only Fallen here, although keeping his glamour on nonstop uses up all his power so he can’t really sense the presence of other celestials. Of course, he could have always left Roarton to try to find others… but he never did.

Most of the time he tells himself it’s because he didn’t want to leave his ward alone. He was lucky enough to fall where Jem lived, and he wasn’t going to leave her alone. He wants to stay close so he can watch over her – even if he isn’t capable of anything more than a common mortal.

But sometimes… sometimes the truth cracks something open in him, no matter how hard he tries to shove it into the depth of his consciousness.

He loves Jem, yes, and wants to protect her… but that’s not the only reason he chose to stay away. He did that because he couldn’t bring himself to face the Fallen Ones. Not after what he had done.

A distinctive chirping sound tears Kieren out of his dark thoughts.

He looks up and a small smile pulls up the corners of his mouth when a small brown bird descends from the sky and flies to him, settling on his knee while flapping loudly with its wings. It holds a fat worm in its beak, but it’s gone in a second and then the bird chirps once more.

Kieren brushes his fingers over the head of the lark. “Hello. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

Animals are much more sensitive to the supernatural than humans, and birds are particularly drawn to angels; it’s not uncommon for them to join angels in their flight even when the celestials are invisible to the eyes of every mortal creature. Kieren has no idea if they can spot the difference between normal angels and those who are disfigured from The Falling, but this little skylark has been following him around ever since he first crashed on Earth.

Not that he minds it. It’s nice to have the company, even if the sight of those beautiful, healthy wings makes his heart ache.

“I met another angel today,” he tells the bird quietly. “She’s my best friend and I haven’t seen her in years. I’m really happy to know that she’s alright and close. But… I’m feeling uneasy. Why do you think that is?”

The skylark chirps and pokes Kieren’s hand with its beak.

“Maybe I’m just not used to being around angels anymore,” he muses. “Maybe I’ve gotten too good at pretending to be human.”

Of course, the lark can’t offer any opinion on it.

Minutes pass until the bird apparently grows bored with Kieren. With a flap of wings, it’s gone.

Kieren looks after it longingly, and he can feel the chunks of his wings attempting to move under his glamour. Every stirring of the charred remains causes him dull pain, but he can’t help the instinct to mimic the movements. Oh, how he wishes he could join the bird and fly in the sky once again!

But he’s stuck on Earth – like every angel from the Third Sphere. And Kieren has no one to blame but himself.

He lifts the brush once again, presses it into the green paint and touches it to the canvas… but his inspiration to create something beautiful is all but gone. The so far vivid greens and blues of the landscape turn darker and darker on the canvas until it resembles a scene from dusk.

And the painted sky is dotted with freely soaring birds.

__

 

Jem doesn’t seem surprised when Kieren tells her about the arrival of the new angels. If anything, she nods like she was expecting to hear this.

Before Kieren could ask about it, the girl holds up her hand. “I think I met other angels today while coming home.”

“You _what?_ ”

“I’m not sure about it. I mean, I couldn’t see them. But after hanging out with you for so long I kinda recognise the strange… aura or whatever it is that you guys have. I saw nobody on that street, but I got the same feeling I always get when you’re around. Except that it was much stronger, like there were more of them. My skin prickled, and the air smelled… cool and…” She struggles for words. “Look, I can’t describe it. But I know what I felt. I wanted to tell you anyway, but now that you’re saying you’ve met them too–”

“Wait, wait, wait. You think there were more?”

“Yeah, definitely. It was really strong. At least three or four, I’d say.”

“Amy said she was with a Principality, but she didn’t mention others.

Jem pushes her fringe away from her face and looks up at Kieren. She strives to appear nonchalant, Kieren however can see that the girl is just as concerned about this turn of events as he is. Neither of them had expected other Fallen Ones to turn up in the quiet town of Roarton.

“Maybe their whatever group sent more people after them. What’s a Principality doing here, anyway? I thought the Second Sphere bosses were busy sitting on their arses in Heaven.”

“Those are the Dominions. The Principalities are the Third Sphere ‘bosses’ as you say,” Kieren says with the tiniest of smiles. “You’re confusing them again.”

Jem throws a pillow at Kieren.

“It’s not my fault you have so many types! I’ve always thought it was just, y’know, _angels._ Nobody told me you had nine friggin levels! That shit is confusing.”

Kieren is startled to find himself laughing. He throws the pillow back at Jem and clicks his tongue. “Watch your mouth.”

“My mouth is fine, thank you.”

“Would Sue agree with you?”

Jem stares daggers at him, but she’s fighting a smile. “That’s low, even for you, Kier. And I heard you swearing last week when you knocked over your paint and it spilled all over the carpet, so don’t you act all holy on me!”

They end up pillow fighting. It’s a fun game that Kieren has come to love, and it takes his mind off of his worries for a while.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long.

“Hey, Kier,” Jem starts later, after she has finally caught her breath. They are lying next to each other on the bed, her legs thrown over his thighs.

“Hm?”

“Do you think your angel buddies have anything to do with the deaths?”

“The what?”

“Haven’t you been watching the news?” At Kieren’s look, she sighs. “I swear you’re such a technophobe… Anyway, I heard that lately there has been a worrying increase of people dying in their sleep. Not just old grannies and grandpas, but young kids, teenagers, adults… perfectly healthy people. Doctors are starting to research it because they think it might be an unknown virus or something.” She holds her breath for a second. “I’m not sure I’d have paid attention it usually, but… didn’t you mention that the only way you could replenish your power would be by…”

“…feeding on humans,” Kieren finishes slowly. He feels numb.

Yes, he did mention it to Jem. Years ago, when she took him in after The Falling. She asked if there was anything to help Kieren get better, and he told her: he told Jem that angels are capable of feeding on human’s spirit. He also said that he would _not_ do this to her even if his life depended on it.

All celestial beings collect the heavenly power with their wings – hence why the highest classes of angels who possess more than one pair of wings, like Cherubim and Seraphim, are the most powerful. Since the Fallen Ones damaged their wings so bad they have lost their connection to Heaven and thus the power source, they are all out of natural magic. The more damage their wings took, the weaker they are now.

Feeding on human’s dreams, nightmares or in the worst case, their life force… that could replenish their power.

That is considered a terrible sin, however. Angels are made to _protect_ humans, never to harm them. And although taking dreams is bad enough, if the angel doesn’t stop in time and takes too much, a terrible greed can awake in them, prompting them to take the core of the human’s soul too – their life force. It is said to be like a huge blast of raw power that can make an angel’s heart turn as dark as a demon’s.

They have already fallen to Earth. Feeding on humans this way could easily make them fall straight to Hell.

Are they really doing it? Fallen angels are going rogue and feeding on humans like, like _demons?!_ Kieren shudders from the thought. And what if Amy got involved with these kind of people? Surely she wouldn’t…?

“Kier?”

Shit. His mortification be showing on his face because Jem looks at him with fear and worry in her eyes.

Kieren forces the shadows away from his gaze. “Don’t worry. I’ll ask Amy about it when she comes back. But one thing is sure: I won’t let anything bad happen to you… or anyone else in Roarton. Okay?”

Jem sucks in her lower lip but nods. “Okay.”

They both know it’s a weak promise. But it gives them some semblance of peace nonetheless.

__

 

Even hours later, when they dine with the Walker parents, Kieren can’t stop thinking about what he’s learnt today from Amy and Jem.

The sudden appearance of his Fallen comrades is more than a little worrying. Kieren has been out of touch with them for so long that he has no idea on what the situation is with their kin in Heaven. He imagines that it must be chaos, or at least something resembling that. There are no Thirds left in Heaven after all.

The Third Sphere angels – guardians, archangels and Principalities – are the order whose sole purpose is to care for humanity. While guardians are tasked with one ward, archangels concern themselves with people equally, and are responsible for prayers. The Principalities are educators and protectors of the realm of Earth, and they oversee the lower class angels while carrying out the orders of the Dominions. They are also responsible for occasionally raising pure human souls into celestial classes by releasing them into the Fountain of Grace after their death. The human souls are thus reborn as common guardian angels.

Now that all Thirds are on Earth, cut off from Heaven and almost completely powerless, there are no celestials left to deal with humans. People who should be protected by guardians are left to their Fate alone; prayers don’t reach the upper planes because there are no messengers left; Principalities can’t raise souls or bequeath their blessing on Earth.

Kieren has no illusions that the Seconds and Firsts are not concerning themselves with humanity. _They have their own tasks,_ as they always say. The Second Sphere consists of heavenly governors, and just like the governors of Earth, they aren’t exactly happy to leave their realm to go deal with the mortals personally. The Powers are warriors of God, who don’t do much during peaceful times anyway. Virtues supervise heavenly bodies and ensure that the cosmos remains in order – Kieren thinks they must have been consulting with each other non-stop since The Falling. The Dominions are the highest class of this Sphere: they regulate the duties of all lower beings while acting as a bridge to the highest order. Only they can approach the First Sphere.

The Firsts however… yeah, they’re something Kieren has never even seen with his own eyes. They never leave their own realm and are the only ones who can be in the presence of the Lord. Thrones are the living symbols of God’s justice and authority; Cherubim guard the tree of life and God’s throne, while the Seraphim… well, they are practically classless. They are the closest beings to the Lord and as far as Kieren knows, not one of them have left God’s side since the beginning of time.

Kieren honestly has no idea why none of the Firsts have made an appearance after The Falling. He can understand them being locked away in their holy realm, but surely the falling of an _entire Sphere_ would have deserved to be classified as ‘important’, right?

But even Thrones, who are supposed to stand for justice, have not made an appearance. Which is rather strange because he knows that a Throne came to take Bill away after…

He stops himself short. Breathes in. Out.

Yeah, he’s not going to think about that.

Sometimes, Kieren wonders if he would have been better off never being raised into the ranks of celestials. He doesn’t find himself being exceptionally pure or worthy, and he doesn’t think his short human life could have accounted to much.

He knows that he was a mortal human, once, who knows how long ago… just like everyone in the Third Sphere. God raised souls to be the very first Principalities, and then those newborn celestials were tasked with raising others.

Thirds are not eternal beings like the others. They have to enter the Fountain of Grace in every five hundred years to renew their spirit. After a few years of swirling around in the Fountain, they incarnate again and the cycle beings anew.

Kieren has no idea how long he’s been in Heaven’s service, just like he has no idea of what kind of mortal life he lived. But if he’s been anything like he is now, he shouldn’t have deserved ascending to a celestial class.

He’s not pure. His horrible mistake from three years before proves that without a doubt.

He made a mess. A terrible, _terrible_ mess for which it looks like humanity and the rest of the Thirds will be paying for.

If the Seconds and Firsts don’t care about them, what will happen? Will Heaven just collapse?

He must ask Amy about his. She said that their leader is a Dominion. Kieren is wary of him, but there is also hope blossoming in his chest. If there is someone from the Second Sphere who cares about them and wants to reverse what happened… than not everything is lost. Maybe they can still fix this.

But… but what if this Dominion is the one who encourages the Fallen Ones to feed on humans in order to replenish their power…?

“Is everything alright, Kieren? You’re awfully quiet.”

Sue’s concerned voice shatters his thoughts.

Kieren blinks rapidly, then forces himself to not tense up as he looks up at the woman. He opens his mouth, but Steve points his fork at him and speaks before he could get anything out.

“He looks pale, too. Ain’t he look pale?” he says, turning to his wife.

“I’m fine,” Kieren insists, though he feels anything but. “I’m just a bit tired.”

“Oh. Well, make sure you go to sleep after dinner, love.”

On usual days, Sue’s gentle smile is enough to make Kieren feel at least a little bit of warmth. Today is not one of those days. He hates himself enough anyway, but having the Walker parents worried for him is just… too much. They are such nice people. They are _fond of him_ \- and that’s the worst thing ever because Kieren knows it’s just his magic. He had to manipulate their memories so he could stay here with Jem. But he has no right to enjoy their affection, their love.

He just wants to go away and crawl in somewhere where nobody would find him.

When he notices that he’s rubbing at his wrists absently, he drops his hands as if they has got burnt, and hastily scrambles to his feet.

“Actually, I think I’m heading to bed right now,” he says quickly. He can feel Jem’s gaze boring into him so he does his best to avoid eye contact with her. “Thank you for dinner. Good night.”

He hurries away, but still catches Sue calling after him. “Sleep well, Kieren.”

_If only._

Once inside his room, he closes the door and turns the key. Then, he staggers to his bed and slumps down onto it, but not before catching sight of himself in the mirror above his desk.

Mirrors always make him flinch. Maybe because he hasn’t seen his true face in as long as he has been living with the Walkers.

He wanted to drop his glamour several times. He can recall standing in front of the mirror many, many times, taking deep breaths and counting back to letting his true face out… but he could never bring himself to do it.

Chewing on his lower lip, Kieren pushes himself up from the bed and sits down at the table, facing the mirror.

He studies his reflection. Disguised with his magic, he looks the same as he did in Heaven… save for the human clothing and the fact that he never appears as healthy as a real human. His brown eyes are a bit too dark, his hair dull and matte, his skin a tad bit paler than normal. But he definitely looks like a breathing, living human.

Not like a reanimated corpse.

Amy’s face suddenly flashes before his eyes, quickly followed by the disgusting sight of his own greyish hands that he studied so often while healing in the caves. Shuddering, Kieren drops his head and squeezes his eyes shut, but he feels cold all over, his throat tight and burning from the inside.

He shouldn’t be scared of looking at his true reflection. He’s seen Amy, and his stomach didn’t turn on itself back then. He was happy to see her, no matter the state she was in – so he should be okay with this, too.

Taking a deep breath, Kieren closes his eyes and lets the glamour drop.

Even the air feels different on his cool skin. He turns himself invisible immediately to not risk any member of the Walker family walking in on him like this while he’s… he’s…

_While I’m not hiding my true appearance._

Kieren is well aware of how he looks. Even without laying his eyes on the mirror, he knows that his skin is grey, streamed with blue veins. His eyes are huge and white, and just as creepy as all the monsters from the stupid horror films Jem has showed him. His lips are cracked and tinted with blue, and his back… on his back, only half an arm of his once glorious wings is left. The stumps looks horrible, like they rotted and got burnt… What’s left of the feathers are scorched black, but mostly it’s just two deformed chunks that shoot pain into his shoulder blades every time he tries to move them.

And on his wrists, there are those horrible black scars.

Kieren feels sick just from thinking about them. Even when he’s wearing the glamour, he often finds himself rubbing at the inner side of his wrists. He recoils every time he catches himself doing it.

He fists his hands now, and can’t bring himself to lift his head and look into the mirror. Just like he can’t bring himself to open his eyes and stare down at his wrists.

 _Shit,_ he curses in frustration. _I still can’t do it. All this time and I can’t meet my own eyes. Pathetic._

In the end, he gives up. Like always. Another day goes by without him being able to face his reflection. He thought that seeing Amy might have been enough to help him overcome his shame and guilt… but no.

If anything, he just feels worse than ever.

Kieren goes back to the bed and lies down on his stomach, burying his face in a pillow. He puts the glamour back. It’s like wrapping a protecting shield around his body, but he feels dirty and worthless.

God knows how much time later, he hears knocking at the door. He doesn’t answer.

A sigh comes from behind. “Good night, Kier.”

Kieren waits until he doesn’t hear the footsteps anymore, then shifts to pull the blankets up around himself. As an angel he doesn’t sleep, but he likes to try tricking himself into peace by pretending he does.

“Good night, Jem,” he whispers to the dark.

It’s a long night. But Kieren is used to it.

__

 

Three days later, he still hasn’t heard from Amy again. He’s starting to think that his friend went back to wherever she came from without saying goodbye, but part of him hopes that it’s not the case. As much as he wants to avoid bringing trouble into Roarton and facing things he’s been doing his best to avoid, he really wants to be close to Amy again.

Today he’s walking around aimlessly, and somehow ends up in the graveyard. He doesn’t like being near the dead, but the place is quiet and there’s not a soul in sight. What’s more, he spots several beautiful birds on a nearby tree, some of them making all sorts of noises on the ground next to their nests. His own skylark is among them, too – hunting, probably.

Watching the little winged creatures go on with their business is as entertaining as anything else. Kieren sits down on the grass, pulls up his legs and relaxes.

Well, for half an hour, maybe.

Then, he hears approaching footsteps. He looks up to see a tall, dark-haired man crossing the graveyard. As he passes by the nests, the birds start chirping loudly and fly up into the air, their wings flapping wildly as they sense danger. Kieren frowns, but a small smirk appears on his face when his skylark snaps the stranger in the head with one of its wings.

Not wanting the man to cause more distress to the peaceful animals, Kieren scrambles to his feet and heads toward him, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

“Excuse me,” he calls after him. “You’re, er, scaring my bird.”

The man looks up… and Kieren stops dead in his tracks.

The stranger is an angel like him.

White eyes look Kieren over fleetingly before turning back to the lark which is still flapping wildly around his head, trying to scare him away. It’s probably worried for its nest.

Kieren’s focus however is not on the bird, but on the man.

“This yours?” He’s got a deep voice. It raises goose bumps on Kieren’s skin.

 _I’m wearing my glamour_ , he thinks _. I should turn around and go away… but he’s already seen me, and this up close, he can probably tell I’m no human. But is he the one with Amy, or one of the others Jem sensed before?_

Before he could decide what to do, the stranger steps in front of him.

“I didn’t realise you were one of us. With all the…”

As he gestures toward his face, Kieren’s expression closes off.

He studies the other angel. He has never seen him in Heaven, although that’s not really surprising considering the overwhelming number of celestial beings. He appears older than Kieren, and wears a huge, unfitting jacket over a jumper. He’s got jet black hair, a thin mouth and a deep gaze that seems to bore straight into him. Kieren wants to shift uncomfortably, but forces himself to stay still and not be intimidated by the angel’s piercing gaze.

The lark chooses this moment to finally leave the man alone. As if it’s just noticed Kieren, it hurries to him and perches itself on his shoulder. Kieren reaches up absent-mindedly to brush his fingers over the bird’s soft body.

“What are you doing here?” he asks in the end. “For the past few years, Roarton has been free of fallen angels. I don’t want that to change.”

A dark eyebrow shots up. “Free? Aren’t you here yourself?”

“Yeah, I don’t count like that.”

“Because of your glamour, I take it.” It doesn’t sound like a question. “You don’t consider yourself an angel anymore?”

The question eerily reminds Kieren of his conversation with Amy. He can’t find it in himself to deny that he’s been living as a human, practically hiding away from his brethren, but he doesn’t want to confirm it either.

In the end, he doesn’t have to.

“Oh, great! You guys have met.”

The sound of Amy’s voice makes Kieren relax and tense up in equal measures. At any other time he would be glad to pull her into a hug and ask her about where she’s been these past few days… but with the other angel around, he can’t.

Said angel shoots a strange look at Kieren. “Not formally.”

“Kieren, this is Simon,” Amy says, hooking onto the man’s arm. “Kieren is the one I was telling you about.”

Kieren perks up at the information. _Amy was talking about me? What did she tell him?_ He doesn’t have the chance to pose the question however because Amy turns back and flashes him a smile as brilliant as ever.

“Simon is one of the Principalities of the Watcher.” Her voice is thick with pride and affection.

“Is that so.” Kieren turns to Simon. “Where’s your sceptre?”

Simon’s face darkens but his voice remain even as he answers, “I lost it. I have lost a lot during The Falling, actually.”

Kieren can’t help it; guilt crawls into his chest. The Principalities are supposed to be the highest ranking beings of the Third Sphere, yet he can’t pick up on any power whatsoever coming off of the man. Years ago, back in Heaven, he always got that strange feeling in his body whenever he was around Principalities or the occasional Powers checking on them. He knew it instantly that he was in the presence of greater beings. Not anymore.

He wonders what happened to this Principality… and then berates himself for caring.

Thankfully, Simon doesn’t want to dwell more on the subject, either.

“Amy tells me she informed you about our group.”

“Ah. Right.”

His face must be giving his thoughts away because Simon frowns. “You don’t agree with the concept?”

“I think it’s great that you guys are travelling around, searching for fallen angels. Nobody should be alone unless they chose it for themselves.” He makes a point of stressing that last part. “But I’ve also heard some… disturbing stuff.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Fallen angels feasting on the dreams and life force of humans to replenish their power. So they can get strong enough to return to Heaven.”

“That wasn’t us, handsome,” Amy cuts in. She genuinely looks disturbed by the idea.

“Why would anyone else commit this kind of atrocity? You’re the ones who want to return to Heaven that bad.”

“Don’t you think we deserve that?” Simon asks then, tilting his head to the side. “Don’t you think we deserve to go home?”

“Well, yeah, but not by-”

“We aren’t harming mortals. I swear on that,” Simon cuts in. “It’s true that the Watcher advised us to take the dreams of humans, but only nightmares. Humans feel better if we take them anyway, and we also get a bit more power. There are many of us whose wings are so damaged they have zero magic left. It’s a win-win situation.”

There is nothing but deep conviction in Simon’s eyes, yet Kieren feels bad about it.

Simon can obviously read this in his expression. He sighs.

“We forbid everyone from taking anything else but nightmares, and only small quantities of those. We are no demons, no matter what the higher classes are saying about us. We want nothing but justice, and a way to go home. Surely, you can understand that.”

Yes. He does. But it still doesn’t sit right with him.

“The Second Sphere believes that we have been cast out of Heaven because we have become corrupt,” Simon continues grimly. “They call us tainted, burnt, rotten… They think we are _abominations_. Ever since The Falling, Powers and Virtues have been coming after us, threatening to kill everyone who doesn’t give up the desire to reclaim Heaven. They have killed _hundreds_ of us, Kieren. And not by giving us back to the Fountain, either. _Permanently._ ”

“Yeah, I don’t agree with that either.”

“The Seconds want us to stay hidden on Earth… or die, they don’t care. Our sources say they are planning on creating a whole new Sphere of low-class angels they will have better control over. Who are the corrupt, then? Is it really us?”

Kieren can’t talk. Words are sitting on his tongue, but they are shapeless and sour. He can’t bring himself to let any of them out.

“The Falling happened for a reason.” The way Simon locks eyes with Kieren, he thinks the Earth could move around the pair of them and he wouldn’t notice any of it. He is riveted to the ground… anchored by the deep conviction of the Principality’s voice. “Maybe it was God who commanded it, but not for the reason the Seconds believe. We are to learn a lesson here, Kieren, and we are to reshape Heaven, bearing that lesson in mind. We are to make Heaven – and by extension, Earth – a better place for all living creatures.”

“We just want to go home,” Amy repeats softly. “And to make sure that Heaven is as just as it should be.”

Kieren shifts, staring in front of himself but not really seeing anything. He doesn’t even notice that the lark has left his shoulder until he suddenly spots it sitting peacefully on a nearby tree. The wind carries a sweet fragrance and the sun is shining golden, yet chills are running through him.

There is so much in those words he would like to believe in. Sentiments he wants to agree with.

But they don’t know the whole truth.

Only Kieren does. And for that reason, he can’t believe that there really is a greater purpose to their fate. Even if the Seconds are really corrupt… even if the Firsts really don’t care about anything that happens beneath them…

How could his damned mistake have been God’s will? It’s ridiculous.

Despite this, all he says after long moments of silence is, “I will think about it.”

Amy gives him a soft smile and pulls him into a tight embrace. He hugs back and buries his nose into the cold skin of her shoulders. He doesn’t close his eyes, however, so glancing down he can see the burnt stumps of Amy’s wings. She’s still got half of them intact, but they look truly horrendous – there are points where the bones are sticking out of the chunks.

Kieren feels sick. He squeezes his eyes shut and hugs Amy even tighter.

If he feels Simon’s thoughtful gaze resting on his face, he later convinces himself that it was just his imagination.

__

 

_Antarctica is freezing cold. Even as a celestial being, Kieren can feel the chill seep into his currently materialised body, pulling his chest tight. His throat burns from the cold with every breath he takes, and the tips of his fingers are turning a bluish colour. There is nothing but profound silence around him, his reflection gleaming on the ice-covered walls as he walks deeper and deeper into the caves. His huge white wings are twitching nervously behind his back._

_Yet he doesn’t stop until reaching his destination: the lake that lies like a glittering pool in the middle of a frozen chamber. Despite the cold, the water appears warm enough to steam._

_On the other side of the lake sits a demon. He is wearing a long black cloak, the hood of which covers most of his face. Only the whites of his eyes are visible as he looks up and squints at Kieren. A thick book lies in his lap._

_“Oh. A cute little guardian angel!” he leers, his voice colder than ice itself. “That’s new.”_

_“Save the talk,” Kieren cuts in, mustering up everything he has to appear as sure of himself as he needs to be. “You know why I’m here, don’t you? I was told that you know everything.”_

_The demon chuckles. “Indeed I do. Dantalion knows the thoughts of all and gives his counsel freely. I know what you seek, Kieren.”_

_Kieren feels terrible for letting the demon snatch his name from his mind. He knows he should turn back and forget about this… but he can’t. He really can’t. And he doesn’t have much time to be hesitating now._

_“Now, now. You have come this far – you won’t turn back right before reaching your goal, will you?”_

_“Look. Can you save him or not?”_

_“I can’t.” Dantalion tilts his head at the sight, watching Kieren with ice-cold eyes. “But with my help,_ you _can.”_

_Holding his breath, Kieren studies the demon for a while. It’s never a good idea, dealing with creatures of the Underworld… but Dantalion is not like other demons. He doesn’t concern himself with the fight between their species. He’s up to no good, that’s for sure, but if he can help Kieren save the person he cares about the most…_

_“Alright,” he says, locking eyes with the demon. “Tell me what I have to do.”_

_Dantalion laughs. His voice shifts until it doesn’t sound like male anymore. It’s the giddy laugh of a woman – high-pitched and sharp like shards of glass._

_“Fly to me, child,” the demon says, the voice slowly settling back to deep regions. “Come, and I will give you what you want.”_

_Kieren spreads his wings as wide as they go and shoots up, crossing over the lake in a couple of seconds. The air rustles around them as he lands right in front of the demon, but neither of them care._

_“Give me your hands,” Dantalion commands, putting the book away from his lap._

_Kieren doesn’t move. “What will you do?”_

_“I thought you were almost out of time.”_

_“What will you do?!” Kieren hisses, losing his patience. As desperate as he is, he simply can’t go forward with this until he knows what to expect._

_Dantalion’s eyes narrow to small slits, and it’s obvious that he is displeased._

_“Your friend was cast out of Heaven and died as a mortal. As a former guardian angel, he doesn’t have a soul and thus cannot enter the Paradise of Humans. But you don’t want him to cease to exist, hence you seeking out my help.” He slowly blinks at Kieren. “I tell you what. You need to snatch up the remnants of his spirit before it dissolves completely, and then pour it into the Fountain of Grace. His cycle will begin anew. Now give me your damned hands or you can go back crying to your Holy Father.”_

_Kieren presses his lips together but gives his hands to Dantalion. The demon’s touch is like lightning – chilling and burning hot all at once. His fingers are long and dark grey, with hooked black claws instead of nails._

_Before Kieren could realise what is happening, those claws tear into the soft insides of his wrist and make a deep cut in his flesh._

_Kieren cries out and tries to pull away, but Dantalion holds him tight. The angel’s wings flare up, flapping wild and desperate. “What are you doing?!”_

_“Now, now. Bear with a little pain, would you.” He can see the glimpse of a grin under the shadows covering the demon’s face. “It will all be worth it.”_

_Kieren grits his teeth together and doesn’t make a sound when Dantalion roughly claws open his other wrist too. No blood flows out, naturally, but the pain is just as real. Kieren shakes from it._

_Finally, the demon lets him go and ushers him toward the lake. “Dip your arms in the water.”_

_Swallowing hard, Kieren turns around and walks to the lake, kneeling down onto the white icy floor. As soon as his wrists are in the water, searing white-hot pain courses through him and he is unable to hold back a whimper. He can hear Dantalion snickering behind him before starting to chant something._

_Kieren stares at the deep cuts on his wrists. They darken, the rough edges turning black as they start to suck something inside. The water is surprisingly hot; the steam makes Kieren’s face shine, but what he can’t take his eyes off of is the glittering, shimmering clouds that suddenly appear in the water and start seeping into his wounds._

_“What’s happening? Something’s getting inside me.”_

_Dantalion only answers him moments later, after he has finished chanting._

_“Yes. You need that inside. That’s what you will need to release into that Fountain of yours.”_

_“Is that…” Kieren gulps, starring at the greyish, sparkling clouds that are disappearing in his flesh. “Is that… Rick’s spirit?”_

_“Sure, honey.” The demon now has the voice of an old woman. Kieren imagines he must also have the face of one. “As I was saying…”_

_Kieren waits until there is no more cloud in the water, until the lake is once again still and crystal clear. Then, he pulls his arms out. The skin is red as if he’d burnt it, but the deep horizontal cuts - now closed tightly - are still ugly black and swollen._

_He has done it. He has Rick’s spirit. If he goes through with this, he can save his friend from disappearing without trace for the rest of eternity. He… he owes him this much._

_“How do I release him into the Fountain?” he asks._

_Upon finishing their current cycles, guardian angels are always released into the Fountain by higher celestials, usually Principalities. Is Kieren even capable of doing it? And how will he get close enough to the Fountain without anyone noticing him?_

_“Trust me, you will be able to do it if you concentrate enough. Just make sure to do it as soon as you can. You won’t be able to hold back for long, and once it’s gone, it’s gone forever. So you need to release it. It needs to be in Heaven. Do you understand, child?” Dantalion laughs. “Bring it to Heaven.”_

_Kieren nods. He doesn’t even contemplate thanking the demon for his help - he is ready to fly off without a further word. But Dantalion makes a grab for him and pulls him back by his left arm._

_“Not so fast,” he hisses with a deep, masculine grumble. “You haven’t paid me, little angel.”_

_“I have nothing to pay you with.”_

_“Oh, I wouldn’t say so.” The demon raises Kieren’s left wrist to his mouth. “I wouldn’t say so.”_

_Then, he presses his lips to the wound and starts sucking on it. His sharp teeth dip into his flesh, and Kieren screams because it feels awful and frightening. Something is pulled out of him… something bright and warm and beautiful, and it feels like that part of him will never come back. This is not a physical pain, but it’s worse than anything he has ever experienced._

_The bright glow he had always felt in his chest is getting smaller and smaller. When Dantalion finally releases him with a disgusting pop and obscenely licks his mouth, Kieren feels weaker than ever._

_“Ah, so delicious. Easily the best meal I have had in centuries.”_

_Kieren shudders as he cradles his aching wrist to his chest. It’s the voice of a child._

_“Off with you now. Don’t worry, you’ll replenish your power soon enough.” The demon lets out a giddy giggle that raises the hair on Kieren’s arms. “I think.”_

_Kieren leaves the caves and Antarctica as fast as he can, but he can barely keep himself flying. He is exhausted, and his wings are flapping uselessly all over the place. In the end, he has to take a break before even thinking about flying back to Heaven._

_He slumps to the ground and buries his head between his pulled-up knees, wrapping his wings around himself. Although the forest is bright green and sunlit, he is still chilled to the bones._

_But he has done it. He’s got Rick safe. He can save him… and with that, maybe he can finally begin to forgive himself._

_He looks down at the blackened cuts on his wrists. Thinks about how he now has Rick’s spirit inside his body._

_“I will save you,” he whispers under his breath._

_He will go back to Heaven as soon as he catches his breath, and will sneak around until he can get to the Fountain of Grace. He will release the spirit and Rick will enter a new cycle, and in a few years, he will be an angel again._

_And then it will be okay. Everything will be okay._

 


	2. Floating in Air

During the next couple of days, Amy and Kieren spend more and more time together, happy to finally be able to do so. Despite all that she had to suffer through because of The Falling, Amy is still as much of a creature of pure joy as she has always been – and Kieren is surprised to discover that her love of life seems to rub off on him. He still worries a lot, but whenever he’s around her, his heart feels a bit lighter and it’s a bit easier to breathe.

She doesn’t let him pretend that everything is okay, however. Every day, she would say something about the Ascendants and drop not-so-subtle hints about why Kieren should join them.

And she wants him to talk more with Simon too.

The scary thing is that Kieren is not exactly averse to the idea. He is… interested in being around the Principality anyway, to learn more about him, which is something that puzzles Kieren endlessly. He shrugs and brushes off Amy’s suggestions to hang out with the two of them. After much persuasion, however, he agrees to meeting up with them the next day.

He is aware that he’s been leading a sheltered life in Roarton. Away from other Fallen, the gravity of the situation never reached him and he could almost trick himself into believing that everything was okay.

All of that changes now.

The first time he understands just how serious the threat is to the Fallen is when the three of them are wandering aimlessly around the town. In their true forms Amy and Simon are invisible to mortal eyes, Kieren however is not. He nods at Jem’s friend Lisa when they pass by her on the street, but never stops listening to Amy and Simon as they discuss their views on the options of the Fallen.

“I tell you what options you have,” a new voice suddenly barks behind them. “You can either make yourselves scarce and we might let you exist on Earth, or you keep going the way you do now and we’ll have no choice but to kill you all.”

They turn around… and freeze.

A Power stands there in full armour, glorious wings spread wide and raised high in an instinctual pose of intimidation. He is leaning on the hilt of his great long sword in a casual way, but the ice cold expression on his scruffy face leaves no doubt about his intentions.

Even though he’s only seen him a couple of times, Kieren recognises him instantly. Fear stabs into his heart (the Power was hard to deal with even when Kieren still had his own magic – he doesn’t want to imagine what he might do to Kieren _now_ ) but he braces himself and looks into the angel’s eyes.

“Gary.”

He hears Amy ask, “You know him?”

“Yeah. He was friends with Bill.”

“And I mourned him when he was taken away,” Gary confirms with a nod. He straightens up and takes his sword in hand. Kieren forces himself not to flinch or look away from Gary. “You know it was your fault, right? He just wanted to shield his protégé from the likes of you, and see what good it did him. Now only God knows where he is, Rick’s gone kaput and you… well the rest of you lot showed your true colours.”

“Listen, dickhead,” Amy cuts in. “We’ve done nothing wrong. We don’t want any trouble.”

“Yeah? Why are you rottens going around killing humans, then?”

Kieren sucks in a breath.

“We do not harm humans,” Simon says in a cool voice. He steps forward and raises his chin, meeting Gary’s eyes without a flicker of fear. “We want to protect them, as it is our purpose. The only thing we are fighting for is to return to Heaven.”

“Bullshit!” Gary spits. “We had to kill _dozens_ of rottens in the past few weeks just in this area because they started feeding on humans like they were friggin vampires. And even with all the Powers being sent after them, do you know how many of them escape? Far too many! And you know what happens to them when greed turns them rabid and they take too much? They turn into demons. Demons! Like we hadn’t had enough of those fuckers without you joining them!”

“We are _not_ responsible for those,” Simon growls. “You can’t fault us for the wrongdoings of others.”

“But they are from your little cult. We know. And that’s why I’m here.” Gary raises his chin, and if looks could kill, Simon would be dead. “You’re the fallen Principality Simon, right? Well, the Virtue Oddie sent me to tell you: go back to your leader and make him stop. You are recruiting tainted angels to your group and we will not let that go on. You should all use what’s left of your power to blend in and forget you’ve ever set foot in Heaven.” His eyes slowly turn to Kieren. “Like the poor little widow here.”

Kieren never felt shame for choosing to play a human, but hearing it from Gary’s voice turns his insides upside down. The Power makes it sound like he has betrayed every Fallen by running away… and he suddenly realises that yes; that is exactly what he had done. The hint at Rick stings, too.

“You are all headed down the same path as those rabid dogs,” Gary drawls then, turning back to Simon, and he grins a little. “Personally, I’d prefer putting you all down before it happens. But alas, I have to do what the higher ups te-”

Simon lurches forward, trying to get a hand around Gary’s neck. The Power however has perfect reflexes: he throws Simon back with one flap of his enormous wings and in the next second, he’s towering at him, pointing the tip of his sword at Simon’s neck.

“Don’t even _think_ about it, rotten,” he hisses. “I was told not to kill anyone today, but give me _one_ reason and I will say I had to do it in defence. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Simon glares daggers at him but doesn’t move.

“Gary, leave him!” Kieren says, stepping forward. Gary’s focus turns from Simon to him. “They’ve done nothing. They won’t do anything.”

“Yeah, you’d know, eh?”

Kieren doesn’t let himself relax when the Power swings his sword and slides it back into the scabbard hanging from his side, but relief pounds through him as Simon gets to his feet.

Gary comes to a halt right in front of Kieren, his low chuckle a short huff of breath against the guardian’s face.

“The only reason I’m glad Bill and Rick are gone is that they didn’t have to see this mess.” Gary tilts his head to the side as he regards Kieren. “You can keep playing the good kid with those mortals, but we both know that you’re just as rotten as the rest. I’ll be waiting for the day when you snap and I can slice your skinny throat.”

With a flash of light and a flap of wings, he’s gone.

Kieren finally lets himself exhale – but it comes out as a gasp, and he almost slumps to the ground. Strong hands wrap around his waist to support him.

“You okay?” he hears Simon’s voice near his ear.

“Fine,” he rasps out. “I’m fine, you can let go.”

The Principality steps back, but stays close. Kieren lets him.

“I can’t believe this arsehole!” Amy cries. She’s so upset she’s shaking from head to toe. “We’ve done nothing! _Nothing!_ And did you hear him? He’s killing Fallen Ones even if they are innocent when he knows he can get away with it!”

“Powers don’t care about what’s right anymore,” Simon says darkly. “I don’t think any Seconds do. They’ve been coming after us in the past few months more than ever before. Groups from other cities have reported to losing dozens of Fallen every week. The Seconds apparently call it ‘pest control.’”

Kieren feels sick. “What he said? About feeding on humans?”

Simon shakes his head. “I told you the truth, Kieren. The Watcher strictly forbids us from harming humans. If they have chosen to drive themselves mad and descend to Hell by taking life force, it’s their own deed. We can’t supervise everyone – there are too many Fallen for that.”

The Principality studies Kieren thoughtfully. He shifts under his gaze and glances at Amy, but she just shakes her head and gives him a look that he supposes is meant to calm him.

“Why don’t you come to our gathering tomorrow night?” Simons asks Kieren then. “Another small group of Ascendants will join us and we will hold a small, relaxed meeting. You could see for yourselves how we are. You could also meet the other Roarton angel.”

Kieren’s eyebrows shot up. “Another what?”

“Ah, so you really didn’t know. There was another Fallen in Roarton, a guardian like yourself. Henry says he arrived here roughly a year ago, but never left the woods, keeping himself hidden there.”

“Oh.” Kieren had no idea. He’s been to the woods plenty of times but never once sensed the closeness of another angel. Why did he not approach him? He sets the matter aside however, for now at least. He has other questions. “But why are you gathering the Fallen in Roarton? There’s nothing here. I thought you'd go back to… wherever you came from.”

It’s Amy who answers. “We will. But they are from nearby towns and Simon thought it would be nice to spend a night together, getting to know each other. You really should come.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Simon adds. “Nobody will take it as an agreement to join us. Just look around and listen what we have to say, that’s all I’m asking.”

Kieren looks down at the ground. Something tells him is not a good idea to associate with the Ascendants, but the confrontation with Gary has left him shaken… and he knows he has to gather more information. If there’s a chance that the Ascendants can really help things to get better, he ought to give it a chance, shouldn’t he?

“Okay. Okay, I’ll go.”

Amy smiles at him, but there is no warmth in the gesture now. Kieren figures she must be just as upset by Gary’s appearance as he is.

He doesn’t even realise that he’s scratching at his wrist absently until he sees Simon’s eyes flicker down. Kieren stops immediately and pulls the sleeve of his shirt down, but not before the other angel can catch a glimpse of his scars.

The scars aren’t as horrendous like this as they are without the glamour, but they are still quite obvious.

Simon must have assumed that Kieren injured himself during The Falling or something, because when he looks back up at him, his eye hold a strange tenderness. “Hey. We all have our scars.”

Kieren meets his gaze. “You too?”

The tenderness is gone in a second. Simon’s face closes off completely and something dark shifts through his gaze, like a dark cloud floating over the white orb of the moon. From that Kieren knows that he has accidentally touched something that wasn't meant to be seen.

Amy and Simon take their leave after that. It’s only when they disappear around a corner does Kieren realise that Simon never answered his question.

He wonders if it’s got something to do with the fact that over the thick layers of clothing Simon always wears, Kieren could never spot a bulge at his back where the remains of his wings are supposed to be.

__

 

''Are you going out tonight, love?”

Kieren turns around to see Sue walking toward him. Before he could utter a word, the woman takes his collar in her hands and smooths it down, then runs her fingers over Kieren’s hair in an attempt to fix it. Kieren doesn’t step away but goes stiff. Even after all these years, he gets flustered when Sue turns on her “mother mode” around him.

It’s not Sue’s fault, of course. She believes Kieren to be her son, after all. It was the only way for him to stay with the Walkers and Jem, he knows… but that doesn’t make it any easier. And it certainly doesn’t make his already overwhelming guilt lessen.

Especially when Sue or Steve touch him with so much affection.

“Kieren?”

He realises that he’s been asked a question. “Oh. Yeah, I’m going out.”

“Okay. But don’t stay out for long, you hear me? You’re too young for that.”

Kieren almost snorts. Just in his current cycle, he’s over three hundred years old… and only the Lord knows how many cycles he's been existing for even before that. Yet here is this fragile woman, worrying for him because she deems him _too young._

It would be amusing if Kieren wasn’t about to tear up.

“I won’t,” he promises quietly.

His eyes flutter closed when Sue strokes his cheek. She’s gone in a moment, but his face still tingles pleasantly where her palm rested on his skin.

Fifteen minutes later, when he is walking the streets with his hands in his pockets, doubts come flooding back into his mind. He keeps stopping mid-step, wondering if he should just go back to the Walkers and spend the night in his room like he’s been doing for the past three years. No matter how he looks at it, getting too close to angels doesn’t strike him as a particularly good idea.

But at the same time he is _drawn_ to them. Every fibre of his being longs for the company of his celestial kin – maybe even more so than for the beauty and peace of his heavenly home. He’s spent so much time away that now, knowing that they are here… he longs to be with them.

It’s a stupid thing. Something that will probably bring him more harm than good.

The doubts however are not enough to make Kieren turn back. No. He heads for the old farmhouse with his heart filling up with something surprisingly like excitement.

__

 

The Fallen are all gathered in the meadow behind the crumbly building.

Out of the dozen or so angels Kieren can only recognise a couple of them. He notices right away that nobody is wearing glamour, and he suddenly feels uncomfortable for hiding behind his human masquerade. Though nowhere near enough to prompt him to drop the glamour.

They are sitting in a huge circle around a bonfire that must be there as decoration more than anything – they can’t feel heat anymore, after all. Simon and Amy sit next to each other while the Principality speaks in his low, grumbling voice. Kieren can’t make out his words from this distance, but the sound makes him relax. Strange.

Everyone turns to look at him when he approaches them, but nobody says anything. They are staring absently into nothing or at Simon, or some even at the infinite black canvas of the night sky. Kieren can understand the latter perfectly; he himself has spent countless nights watching the starry sky and remembering a time he could be close to the gleaming stars.

Amy is the one who jumps up from her seat and hurries to Kieren.

“You came!”

Kieren forces a smile. It’s far too late for him to turn back.

“Yeah, I’m here. What are you guys doing?’ he asks, peeking behind Amy’s shoulders. “Simon’s giving them a lecture?”

“Something like that. Come, handsome, we’ll get back to them later.” She locks arms with Kieren and guides him inside the farmhouse.

“I’m so glad you came, Kieren, I really am. For a second there I thought you wouldn’t, but Simon believed you'd turn up, and you did! Everyone’s so lovely here, I met fantastic angels I never even heard of in Heaven! That Henry guy is nice too, it’s so sad you two knuckheads never approached each other despite hiding in the same town. He kind of reminds me of Philip, actually – the way he…”

Kieren frowns at Amy. She seems sort of… strange tonight, though for the love of his Father, he can’t decide what makes him think so. Her angelic presence is much stronger, and her eyes are whiter than usual – almost gleaming in the dark.

“Are you alright?” he asks his friend in the end when it starts to really bug him. “You’re kind of… energised.”

Amy giggles at him. “We’ve all eaten a tinsy winsy dose of dreams.”

“Dreams?!”

Kieren gapes at her, he can’t help it. How could she do this – after what happened with Gary?!

“Don’t look like that, handsome! Just nightmares. The others, who arrived yesterday, brought some dream orbs with them. The Watcher sent it because he wants us to get stronger, you know.”

She lets Kieren go when they stop at a table with a huge wooden box on top. She opens the lid, takes out a shiny orb the size of a tennis ball and holds it out for Kieren who takes it in a daze.

“Come on, take one. I wanted to show you, so you see that despite what that awful Power said, we aren’t harming anyone. Nightmares are bad for humans anyway, they don’t miss it at all when we take it from them, and it makes us better. Nightmares don’t have enough juice to heal us or give us more power but the pain isn’t so unbearable – my wings don’t even hurt now! – and you feel nice while it lasts. I promise, it’s not bad like taking good dreams, and certainly _nothing_ like taking life force.” She blinks up at Kieren. “Try it out?”

Kieren stares at the orb – the dark, swirling material inside – and for a second, he is tempted. His back aches almost constantly after all, and his wing-stumps are so small and severely disfigured that he can barely contain enough magic in them to keep up his glamour.

But eating dreams? Even nightmares? The idea makes him sick to his stomach.

He's had plenty of chances to take them, but not once has he done so. Jem has always been a tough child, but despite – or maybe _because of_ – this she has suffered from nightmares quite frequently. Kieren however never took this chance. Not when he was a full guardian angel, not after he fell. And Father knows, those first few weeks after falling to Earth were excruciating; he was tempted in those first few weeks to heal himself by feeding on Jem’s nightmares. Hell, _she_ wanted him to do it.

But his insides coiled in distaste at the idea of taking even one nightmare for his own uses in this way. So he never did, and he certainly won’t start doing it now.

“I’ll pass.” He hands the orb back to Amy and feels lighter immediately. “Can we go back to the others? I want to talk to Simon.”

Amy doesn’t seem to mind his refusal at. She just shrugs and puts the orb back in the box.

“Yeah, of course.” Once again hooking on to Kieren, she grins up at him. “Hey, do you like Simon? Say you like him! He’s so amazing, I can’t believe I never knew him back in Heaven. Imagine how much better our lives had been if _Simon_ had been the Principality responsible for our group instead of Tom! I mean, I like Tom but he’s no fun. Simon though-”

“He’s alright,” Kieren cuts in, his lips curling up.

“More than alright. When we get back to Heaven, I’m never going to leave his side.”

“Aren’t you supposed to stick to your ward?”

“I’m keeping them both, dumb-dumb! Philip is my love on Earth, but I can still totally crush on Simon in Heaven.”

Kieren shakes his head, smiling – but it freezes the moment Amy suddenly stops him.

“Hey, why don’t you drop the glamour? You’re among kin.”

Kieren’s chest grows cold and he can feel a lump form in his throat as panic floods his insides like burning acid. He can barely force out between his teeth, “I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t? Kier, it’s just us. We are all… You have nothing to be ashamed of. We’re the same, all of us. Nobody’s going to judge you for your true appearance.”

Kieren knows. Lord, does he know. They are all the same. But little do they know that it’s all because of Kieren.

Would any of them still want to be around him if they knew the truth? Would Amy?

He doesn’t want to find out the answer to these questions. He doesn’t want to lose Amy, not again. Losing his other best friend was painful enough.

“Amy, I can’t. Please don’t ask me to.”

His voice must be giving something away because instead of getting upset, Amy’s eyes widen. She searches Kieren’s face with concern on her features, and it’s awful because Kieren knows he doesn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy, let alone their worry.

Finally, Amy lets out a small sigh through her nose and Kieren can breathe again.

“Alright. But we’ll talk about this later, okay? You’re not off the hook that easily, sugarplum.”

Kieren doesn’t want to lie so he just nods.

By the time they get back to the others, the huge circle is broken and the angels are scattered around in smaller groups, chatting. Most of them pay no attention to Kieren but he can feel their eyes on him, and it makes him terribly uncomfortable. With his glamoured appearance, he stands out like a sore thumb… but he wasn’t exaggerating when he told Amy he can’t go ‘ _au naturale’_ like the others. He never does so, not for a second. So he just presses his lips together and ignores the staring.

He is not sure why, but his eyes are drawn to Simon instantly.

The Principality sits on a tree trunk by the fire, next to two other Fallens. The orange flames cast warm lights dancing on their features, making them appear warm and… and almost alive. If not for the pearl-coloured eyes, they could almost be mistaken for regular humans.

But then Kieren sees the charred, rotten remains sticking out of the back of one of the guy’s shirt and his stomach turns on itself, reality crashing on his head like a bucket of ice-cold water.

Simon looks up. Something warm lights up his eyes upon noticing Kieren, and he gives him a tiny but pleased smile before turning back to the guy on his right side.

“So you didn’t know you weren’t alone, Henry?”

_Ah. So that’s the other ‘Roarton angel’._

“Not at first. When I arrived in Roarton, I thought no other angels were here. Then weeks later, I saw Kieren. I can still sense celestials so I knew it right away that he was like me.” Henry looks shyly at Kieren. “I thought about approaching him but… but it became apparent that he wanted to blend in. I, I saw him often with his ward, er… Jemima. They seemed… If I hadn’t known otherwise, I’d have thought they were mortal siblings. I didn’t want to disturb them. So I stayed away.”

Kieren can’t look away from Henry. All this time and he had no idea that another angel was watching him from afar. Probably alone and frightened, but still not approaching him for fear of disturbing the happy place Kieren had found for himself.

“Do you remember falling?”

“Not much. I was in so much pain… I think I was out for a couple of days after crashing on Earth. I was still somewhat connected to Heaven for roughly a week, and I could hear the crying of other Thirds, but that gradually went away, you know?”

“So the other angels were already falling by the time it started with you?”

Henry nods. “Yeah. I’ll never forget it; I was in Heaven in our plane when suddenly there was this huge blast of white… and everyone started screaming and angels just, just went poof around me. I froze for a minute, but went to find a Principality to alert them. But I never made it… in a few moments, I was falling too.”

“What about when you landed on Earth?”

“I don’t really remember that. I was in so much pain… it took me nearly a month to get myself together.”

Simon nods and pats Henry’s knee, but he seems to be deep in thought. After Henry shoots Kieren a sheepish look and then leaves with the other angel who was with them, the Principality glances up and motions for Kieren to sit with him.

He complies after a brief hesitation. He’s surprised by how nervous their close proximity makes him.

“I’m glad you made it, ” Simon says, his voice as warm as his eyes. “Welcome.”

“Seriously?”

The warmth leaves Simon’s eyes and a slight frown appears on his forehead. A brief, stupid thought passes through Kieren’s mind (oh Lord this is _so_ not the time to notice how attractive Simon is! He has definitely spent too much time acting and thinking like a human) but he shoves it away and forces himself to point a hard gaze at the dark-haired angel.

“Look, I just… I wanted to make it clear that I’m not leaving Roarton. No matter what. I’m just… I just want to understand, okay? I want to know what your leader has to say.”

“He’s not our leader,” Simon objects, “at least not in the sense you seem to believe so. To us, he is what a prophet might be to humans. As a Dominion he shouldn’t even be here on Earth, but he comes anyway, because he sees the corruption that eats away his class and he wants to right it. He comes to Earth to guide us, because he believes that we are the way to bring justice back to Heaven. His faith is for all the Fallen Ones… and in turn, we have faith in _him_.”

Kieren doesn’t say anything. For all the fancy words, he can’t find it in himself to have faith in a faceless angel that.

“He calls himself the Watcher because he chose watching over us – _all_ of us – as his sacred duty. He watches the stars and watches the high class celestials, trying to find answers as well as the best route for us to take.”

“As of yet, the Firsts have made no contact with any of us. God is silent. A greater plan must be under way, otherwise they would have acted by now.” Simon leans closer. “This was their plan, Kieren. We can only conclude that our Lord has ordered The Falling because only experiencing pain and life on Earth could make us strong enough to weed out what is wrong in Heaven.”

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“Of course. I can’t. But the Watcher knows.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Kieren’s eyes harden. “Aren’t you confusing him with Thrones? Dominions are _not_ the celestial who represents God’s authority and justice. _Thrones_ are. Dominions can’t possibly have an insight to our Lord’s-”

“Kieren.”

He swallows back the words immediately and hates himself for it. Simon’s gaze pins him to his seat and he can’t move, he can’t even breathe. This is the first time ever that he looks into eerie white eyes – and not only does not flinch but he _can’t look away._ The air is charged, it feels too heavy… but his head is so light he’s almost dizzy from it.

Karen wonders if he pissed off the Principality with his cheeky mouthing… but when Simon speaks, it doesn’t sound irritated. Not at all.

“I get the feeling that there is more behind your reluctance to believe in him than simple dislike.”

His voice is extremely soft, and there is so much understanding and compassion layering it that his words fracture something deep within Kieren. He drops his gaze to the hands lying in his lap.

Yes. The reason he cannot believe in this Watcher, no matter how beautiful he sounds… is that Kieren knows the absolute truth. God didn’t cause The Falling.

Kieren did.

He was stupid and naïve. Grieving his other best friend made him lose his common sense.

So maybe the Second Sphere is now full of celestials who are ready to jump and kill the _rottens._ It seems like three years ago things weren’t so bad, but Kieren can only blame himself for creating this situation in the first place.

But he can’t tell that to Simon.

“The Watcher wants nothing but the best for us. For all of us.” Simon leans close again, until his cool earthy scent hits Kieren’s nose. He closes his eyes and lets the other angel’s voice wash over him. “And he knows how we can go home. He really does. He told me and all the other Principalities in his service.”

 _That_ opens Kieren’s eyes.

“He told you?”

“Not the exact method. But enough for me to know that he is telling the truth.”

Kieren chews on his mouth. Should he dare to hope? Is there really a way to fix the mess he made? Maybe… Maybe his mistake was truly destined to happen. Like Judas’ betrayal of the Christ, without which humanity couldn’t have been forgiven for its sins.

It would be nice if that was the case. Maybe eventually he could forgive himself.

“Amy told me what happened,” Simon says suddenly. “What happened with the Power Bill. What happened with your friend, Rick.”

Kieren isn’t surprised; he honestly isn’t. After all that Gary spat at him, he figured Simon would grow curious. But anticipating it still doesn’t make it less unnerving.

The wave of guilt that hits him is so strong it feels like something was tearing at his insides. Kieren bites on his lip and looks away, but the name washes over him until there’s nothing left in his mind, but a litany of that one word: _Rick, Rick, Rick…_

“What did she tell you?” he asks, cracked voice barely above a whisper.

“Enough.  I’m sorry for your loss.”

“We weren’t like that,” he rushes out. He has no idea why he says it, but it spills out of him. “I- I thought about giving him a feather. During the next molt. I thought about it. But… But…”

“Hey. Kieren.”

A touch on his hand grounds him. Kieren swallows and looks down, to the long fingers that curl around his own trembling ones, then glances back up the angel. Simon is so close he can practically feel his breath on his skin, yet it doesn’t feel invasive. If anything, the sensation grounds him.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me more.”

Kieren doesn’t want to tell him. He is grateful that Simon stopped him before he had the time to blurt out too much.

He is aching all over – not like the way he did after crashing on Earth, but it’s just as painful. His chest feels bruised, like his heart has managed to crack his ribs from the inside, even though he knows that it’s not possible. For the love of Heaven, his heart is not even beating anymore.

Kieren nods and pulls his hand away. He ignores the ghost feeling of Simon’s touch still lingering on his skin.

He gathers to his feet. “I’m going home.”

Simon makes no move to stop him, though he does stand up with him.

“Thank you for coming,” he says, a small, quiet smile pulling at his mouth. “And please think about what I said. I understand that you have people you care about here, a life you have built for yourself… But is that really what you want? Bewitched parents? A girl you could protect far better if you were in possession of your old power? I’m not telling you this to hurt you – I just want you to observe the situation objectively.”

“And we need you, too. We will find what the Watcher needs, and then we will go home. But until then, we Fallen Ones need to stick together. If you are by yourself, there is no one to have your back if the Seconds come for you.” His gaze darkens. “And they will. You know that. Our confrontation with that Power has proved it.”

“Yeah. I… I’ll think about it.”

“Good. I’d hate it if you got hurt because you choose to stay alone. We are here for you, Kieren.” After a second of hesitation, Simon touches Kieren’s head and rakes his fingers through the soft blond hair. It’s only a fleeting touch that is gone in a second, but Kieren’s scalp tingles from it. “ _I’m_ here for you.”

It’s like something is stuck in his throat. Kieren can only nod. Then he leaves without saying goodbye to anyone.

He doesn’t know how he gets home. He doesn’t remember turning the key in the main door, saying goodnight to Sue or closing the door of his room.

Before long, it’s three a.m., and Kieren lies wide awake in the bed with his head turned to the side, watching the gleaming stars through the window. He pointedly ignores the tingling on his scalp and his hand where Simon touched him… but there are moments when he fails.

__

 

Kieren thought they would have time. Never once did he imagine that the situation would take a turn for the worst with such a rapid speed that he will barely be able to keep up with it.

Since meeting Gary and learning of the Virtues’ obsession with getting rid of the Fallen, he’s been expecting something. He wasn’t sure what exactly – but he knew that something was coming, and it would shake them to their core.

However, he was in no way prepared to find Henry lying lifelessly on the ground a mere two days later. With a horrified Amy, the very same Power they had met earlier and a cold-eyed Virtue standing around his body.

Kieren freezes the moment his mind processes the sight.

He followed the loud noise that made him jump up from the tree trunk where he’d been sketching, and now he’s left gaping in horror, his notepad slipping from his fingers. Even the trees seem to be frozen in place.

“You didn’t have to kill him!” Amy cries at the Seconds. She has not yet noticed Kieren. “The dickhead’s lying, _Henry wasn’t feeding on humans!_ ”

The Virtue looks at her and smiles, but there is no warmth in the expression. She stands tall, wrapped in snow-white robes that are at a stark contrast with her dark skin, and holds a huge sceptre with a glowing orb fastened to its top like every other Virtue. Her voice is gentle but her eyes are impossibly hard, and she holds her wings in a position that says she’s ready to strike.

"Rest assured that our sources are impeccable. Young Henry has been robbing a girl of her dreams for the past few days and we cannot allow that to go on. You can’t possibly know of it, being trapped here, but dozens of tainted have taken the lives of mortals and gone rogue these past few weeks. They are falling all the way to Hell and we can’t have the number of demons rise now that there is a crisis in Heaven. We have to take precautions.”

“Henry. Was not. Killing. Anyone!” Amy fists her hands and looks at the Seconds like she’s ready to attack them. “Just grow a spine and admit that you’re _murdering_ us!”

The Virtue laughs. The sound of it makes the hair rise on Kieren’s arms.

“We don’t need to explain to the likes of you. Amy, was it? Go away or I might believe that you have been working together with Henry.”

Kieren can’t stay hidden any longer. He hurries to Amy even though he’s scared shitless and grabs onto her arm. “Leave us alone!”

“Aaand, he’s here again,” Gary says with a yawn. He swings his sword casually. “Come to join the party, Kieren?”

“Oh, _he’s_ Kieren?” The Virtue turns her dark eyes to him. “I heard your name when I had to say goodbye to a Power who has rather dear to me. My name is Maxime.”

Kieren grits his teeth but doesn’t say anything.

“If you value the life of your friend, take her away. Henry was not listening to us and had to be dealt with. If you two follow his example, I shall show you no mercy.”

“You can’t just threaten us,” Kieren says through the lump in his throat. “I don’t want anyone hurting humans, believe me, I don’t. Feeding on their life force is a horrible crime _._ But nobody here does that.”

“You still don’t understand, do you, Ren?” Gary spits. His eyes light up with pleasure when Kieren flinches at the use of the nickname only Rick had ever called him by. “ _We_ call the shots. You disgusting rottens can shut up and take it or–"

“Now, now, Gary,” Maxime chides him like someone would to a pet. “Behave yourself. We don’t want them to get the wrong idea.”

“Oh, we know how it is,” Amy spits. “But you can’t just kill us all! Heaven will collapse if the Third Sphere is not restored! You Seconds don’t care about humanity and the Firsts are away, being cosy with God. It’s been three years and nobody’s doing our job – can’t you see that it’s affecting Earth as well?!”

“There are some who expressed their concern, but be not mistaken, Amy, we are aware that a Third Sphere is necessary. Once you are dealt with, we will raise a whole new Sphere of untainted souls. But you… you have been cast out of Heaven. You fell from grace, all of you. Surely you understand why we can’t risk letting you back only to have you abominations contaminate the Heavenly Lands any further.”

“This is absurd! If there’s anyone corrupted here, it’s you! How can you say you represent the Lord’s justice when you are murdering your own kind?”

“You are no brethren to us, rotten!” Maxime hisses like a poisonous snake, disgust written all over her features as she stares down at Amy. Her wings flare up. “You are tainted. Be grateful that we are ready to let you roam Earth undetected if you stand back. Now, Gary. Please.”

“With pleasure, ma’am,” says Gary with a grin.

He cuts through Henry’s body with one slash of his long sword… and the body disappears immediately, a sparkling cloud of dust emerging in its place. Amy lets out a choked gasp, but Kieren… Kieren goes stiff and can’t breathe at all.

The last time he saw spirit dust was when Rick died, and the memory locks him in terror.

“Collect it. Collect it!” Amy cries next to him. “Take him back to the Fountain! He won’t cause you any problems there!”

But Maxime is already shaking her head. “We can’t possibly let a tainted spirit enter the Fountain of Grace.”

She nods at Gary, who then swings his blade through the dust… and it dissolves into nothing.

Henry is no more. In a few hours, there will be no proof that he has ever existed.

Amy clutches at Kieren’s arm so hard her fingers dig into his flesh but he doesn’t care.

“You are horrible,” she hisses on a broken voice.

“As a Virtue, it is my duty to ensure that the cosmos remains in order.”

“You call this ‘order’?!” She squeezes at Kieren. "Kieren, say something!”

He moves his mouth, but no words came out. He’s so paralysed by the shock of Henry’s death and the memories it has awoken in him that he can’t find his voice.

Gary lets out a bark of a laugh. “Pretty boy doesn’t care. I’d bet he’s busy licking his wounds from losing his mate.”

“Gary,” Maxim says softly, though her eyes are sharp and there is a small smirk on her face. “Don’t be like bigoted humans. We are bigger than that.”

“Hm. Right.”

The Virtue raises her sceptre; the silvery glow of the orb makes her entire face bathed in light as she turns her cool gaze to Amy and Kieren. “Heed our advice, tainted. Make yourself scarce or you will meet the same end.”

And with that, they are gone.

Kieren has his arms around Amy before she could let out the first frustrated sob. She’s not crying, not really – but she is shaking so much he can barely hold her, especially after realising that he’s not in a much better state. It’s not just losing a Fallen brother right in front of their eyes – it’s everything the Seconds have spit at them. Simon was right, they _are_ murdering the Fallen like they were pests and obviously there is no stopping them – not the way they are now. And the Firsts doesn’t even seem to care.

“They are ANNHILATING us!” Amy yells, her voice cracked and raw. She looks up at Kieren with red-rimmed eyes. “They want to replace us all with newborn angels who they can shape to their liking. Do you understand now why we have to act? Why we can’t stop until we are back in Heaven to fix the Spheres?! If there were any Seconds supporting _us_ , I bet they are locked away or killed by now. We can’t let this go on!”

“I know,” Kieren whispers back, because he _does._ “I know.”

“If they have their way, Heaven will be reshaped and not in a good way.”

“What can we do? To get back, I mean. What… what does your leader need?”

Amy wipes her eyes and then looks at Kieren, like, really looks. After a second or so, she must have come to a decision because he comes closer and tells him.

“Not ‘what’. _Who._ We need to find someone.”

“Who?”

“The key. The key to Heaven’s backdoor.” Seeing Kieren’s frown, she leans closer and lowers her voice. “We need to find the First Fallen.”

Kieren grows very still.

Of course it doesn’t escape Amy’s notice. “Kieren? Wait, you-”

“I don’t. I don’t remember The Falling. I was in too much pain… by the time I came back to myself, others were there.” He flinches when he realises that he repeated Henry’s words from before.

Thankfully Amy doesn’t know that.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” She pushes her long brown hair back and glances down to the ground where not long ago Henry’s still body lay. She purses her lips and turns back to Kieren. “I need to talk to Simon. He has to know about this. Come with me?”

Simon’s words flash through his mind – _“If you are by yourself, there is no one to have your back if the Seconds come for you.”_ – and with that, it’s not even a question.

“Of course. Let’s go.”

__

 

Most of the Fallen stay in an old bungalow in town. It once belonged to an old lady, but now the Ascendants use it as a temporary headquarters. Kieren walks Amy back and contemplates leaving after sending her inside, but she still looks so shaken from their encounter with the Seconds that he simply can’t bring himself to do it.

Simon opens the door. He takes one look at their faces and ushers them inside.

“What happened?” he asks, obviously worried.

Amy tells him without preamble. Simon’s expression grows darker and darker, and when Amy finishes recounting the events, he hugs her tight and presses a kiss to her forehead. Kieren almost feels like he is intruding on them.

“I’m so sorry,” Simon says. Still embracing Amy, he looks up at Kieren. “You alright?”

Bizarrely, Kieren wonders if he would get a hug from Simon too, if he were to say no. He’s so upset he can barely contain himself – something is racing in him, violent and burning hot – but just shakes his head and looks down at the floor.

Amy eventually pulls away from Simon.

“I need to clear my head,” she says. “I’ll be outside.”

With that, she goes away, leaving Kieren alone with Simon.

There are a lot of things Kieren wants to say. He wants to tell Simon how horrible the whole encounter was. How he had no idea that the Seconds were truly coming after them like this, killing – no, _murdering –_ without remorse. He’s been protected here in Roarton, far away from his kin… and he had no idea just how bad things had gotten. He wants to tell Simon that he understands it now. He still doesn’t agree with some of their ways, and he hates it that they are feeding on humans, even if they only do so by taking nightmares, and he can’t find it in himself to have faith in their leader. But he understands it now.

He doesn’t say any of that, however. He can’t. His mind is a mess of thoughts.

He just rushes forward without thinking, fists Simon’s jumper and crushes their mouths together.

After a moment of shocked stillness, Simon’s hands come up to cradle his cheeks, and then he’s kissing back ferociously. It’s hard and bruising and everything Kieren needs at that moment, so he presses as close as possible, almost tripping them up. Simon’s breath is cool and nice, and he tastes like a strange mix of lightning, earth and rain. Kieren’s lips tingle as they press together again and again. He gasps into Simon’s mouth and welcomes the blissful haze that floods his mind.

Eventually, though, Simon pulls an inch back.

“Kieren...”

Oh Father, Kieren has never heard his name uttered quite like this. A shiver runs through his spine, settling in the low of his back.

He knows he shouldn’t do this. The loss of Rick is still a gaping black hole in his chest, and he _loved_ him – no matter how different this… something is with Simon.

But he can’t stop, not after getting a taste of it. So he goes on his tiptoes and kisses Simon again before he could say something to shatter the moment. Simon returns it this time as well. His hand brushes Kieren’s cheek before settling down curled around his neck, and his touch feels too soft for this moment, but still right somehow. Perfect.

As the desperation slowly eases, they gradually part, but doesn’t stop touching each other completely. Kieren is ready to get lost in the strange calmness of the moment when he hears Simon suddenly suck in a shocked breath.

“Kieren!”

He opens his eyes with a question in his gaze.

Simon looks at him like he was seeing Kieren for the first time. His eyes are so huge and so close that Kieren can see his own face reflecting in them… Oh.

Pale greyish skin. Swollen cracked lips. Eerie white eyes.

“Fuck.”

He rarely curses, but being around Jem for so long has rubbed off on him. He jumps in shock and takes a few steps back, concentrating all his power on re-building the glamour around himself. It takes a few seconds, but then he can feel the comforting layers of the magic wrapping around him. When he next looks up, he knows from Simon’s expression that his human image is back.

He can’t believe what happened. He has never lost control of himself enough to accidentally drop the glamour. _Never._

He gulps hard, resisting the urge to touch his mouth that’s still tingling from the kisses.

He has to get away. He has to get away _now._

“I-I have to go check on Jem,” he stammers, not meeting Simon’s eyes. “I just wanted to make sure that Amy got back safely.”

“Kie–”

“I’ll be back,” he cuts in, forcing himself to look up at the other angel. “Okay? I’ll be back. Just… I just need to clear my head.”

Simon studies him for long moments, but eventually he nods. He understands… and respects Kieren’s need for space. Gratitude wells up in Kieren for it.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Thanks for walking Amy home.”

“It’s nothing. She’s my best friend, after all.”

Simon smiles; a small, genuine one. “She’s that for me, too.”

They stare at each other for some time, until Kieren makes himself leave before things could get even more awkward.

If his heart was still beating, he knows that it would pound madly in his throat all the way back to the Walkers’.

__

 

Kieren hardly thinks about anything else for the next two days but Simon. About what the Principality has told him, what he has experienced for himself during the encounter with the Seconds… and what came to pass between them in the bungalow.

Gary and Maxime’s treatment of the Fallen horrifies him. Is that really the common opinion in Heaven? Are they really going to pretend like the Fallen are nothing more than demons on Earth, only a hair's breadth away from falling all the way to Hell?

Maybe he really should give a chance to the Watcher. If there is even the slightest chance that he really knows what’s going around in Heaven and he can fix this mess… if he can right what Kieren has wronged…

But if the truth ever comes to light, Kieren will lose everyone. Amy will never look at him the same way. Nor will Simon. Or Jem. They would see him for the pathetic creature he is… and then he would be truly left alone.

However… is this really a time when he can allow himself to be selfish? To be selfish enough to hold back such vital information?

Now he knows that the Ascendants are searching for the First Fallen – and he knows that it’s him. The entire Third Sphere could feel the disease poisoning them days before they started falling from Heaven…. but he was the first to be cast out. He remembers watching from Earth as the others started coming down, like falling stars lighting up the sky.

He shudders from the memory and his back starts aching, especially around his shoulder blades; his wings must be twitchy.

This makes him remember that days ago, for a few brief seconds, the glamour fell away and his true form let itself be seen. By losing himself in Simon, he accidentally opened himself fully.

It was the most vulnerable moment he can recall ever experiencing. He felt raw and naked, and he couldn’t find his breath until he had the protecting layer of his glamour back around his body. Even now, he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He looks down at his hands to reassure himself that they are not ghastly pale, that there are no blackened scars on the inside of his wrists just small, pale lines.

He wonders if some part of the disease is still inside. Would that make him even more rotten that the others?

“Kieren? What’s the matter, love?”

The angel snaps his head up, only to meet Sue’s concerned eyes studying him from across the table.

“No,” he says quickly, trying for a casual shrug. “Nothing.”

“You seem kind of… gloomy these days. If you’re having problems, you know you can talk to us.”

“Yeah,” Steve joins in. “Talk to us, son. You’re getting more and more withdrawn. I don’t like it.”

It takes all his willpower not to cringe at the use of that word. _Son._ It hurts him so much. Makes him remember how much he’s taking advantage of the Walkers, all of them. At least Jem knows the truth, but Sue and Steve…

He can’t hold on to the naïve hope that if he was to ever reveal the truth about himself, they would still want him around. Angels only ever show themselves to their wards to begin with. To even think about revealing himself with his current appearance would be foolish beyond words. Sue and Steve would think he was a monster. And… and they wouldn’t be wrong.

Kieren tenses up when Steve reaches out and pats his shoulder.

“Kieren? Are you in trouble?”

He can feel Jem’s eyes on him. He doesn’t look up as he slowly shakes his head.

“No. No, I’m fine. Really. I’ve just got a headache.”

“Alright. If you say so, son.”

Kieren threads his trembling fingers together under the table. The Walkers go on with having lunch – the parents never even realising that he doesn’t eat with them, thanks to magic cast on them – but Jem keeps stealing studying glances at Kieren.

“What’s wrong?” she asks him in a hushed tone while Sue and Steve are busy discussing some kind of television programme. “Is it the angels? Are they causing trouble?”

“No. Don’t worry about it. I've got everything under control.”

“Don’t you bullshit me, Kier. You so totally don't.” She bites her lip. “Come to my room later. I wanna talk to you.”

“Jem…”

“ _Kier.”_

Kier exhales loudly through his nose. He’s about to tell Jem that she’s better off not knowing anything when he suddenly catches a glimpse of movement from the corner of his eye.

When he looks up and sees the figure standing right outside the window, he goes stiff.

“Kier?” Jem follows the line of his gaze, frowns, then turns back to him. “What is it? Hey!”

“Excuse me for a second,” Kieren says loudly, getting up from the chair. Sue turns toward him and opens her mouth, but he stops her short. “I’ll be right back.”

He hurries to the main gate and practically tears the door open.

The smile Simon gives him is wide and overly confident, but a second later it softens to something more sheepish. “Hi.”

Kieren steps out and closes the door behind himself.

“What are you doing here?”

Is there trouble? Did something happen? Oh Lord, please don’t let it be Amy-

His racing thoughts come to a short stop when Simon drops his gaze. For a brief second, he almost looks embarrassed.

“You said you’d be back. I assumed it would be soon, but two days have passed and… well.” The pearly white eyes come to rest on Kieren again. “I got tired of waiting. So I decided to come myself.”

“Oh.”

Now it’s Kieren’s turn to get embarrassed. He isn’t sure what to say, so he just shrugs and tries to play it casual. “We are centuries old. I don’t know how far you’re in to your current cycle, but I’d bet you’re used to waiting. And yet you lose your patience after, what, two days?”

“Yeah, well.” Simon scratches his neck. It’s such a human gesture it makes Kieren smile. “I guess there are things I can be patient for… and then there’s you.”

Kieren stares at him and finds that words have escaped him.

Neither of them moves as they lock eyes, like the time stopped ticking. Kieren’s lips start to tingle when the ghost sensation of their kiss from before comes back to him and it’s all he can do not to touch his fingers to his mouth. The wind blows strong today, and even though it carries nothing of the flowery scent it held just a week ago, Kieren swears he can taste the sweetness on his tongue when he slowly inhales.

Eventually, he forces himself to shake off the embarrassment. After a second of hesitation, he gestures toward the main door.

“Would you like to come in?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Come in. You know. Into the house. Would you like to? Jem already knows about you and her parents… well, I could introduce you as my friend.”

Simon’s face closes off entirely. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Just leave it.”

Kieren frowns. However unreasonable it might be, he gets upset.

“Why? I know you hate the idea of disguising yourself, but even you could bear with acting like a normal person just for two secon-”

“I _CAN’T!_ ”

Kieren shuts up, startled by the yell. Even Simon looks shocked by his reaction.

When he recollects himself, he ducks his head and Kieren can see that he’s tapping his fingers nervously.

“I can’t, okay? Not that I won’t. I _can’t.”_ He swallows visibly. “I don’t have any power left. Zero. I couldn’t materialise in front of humans, let alone put a glamour on myself if my life depended on it. Sorry.”

The silence is deafening. Kieren stares at Simon, who fidgets under his gaze.

“I… I’d do it. If that was what you wanted.” Simon’s quiet admission is so sincere it pulls at Kieren’s heart. “I’m serious. I’d do it for you.”

Kieren believes him.

He doesn’t know what to say. The other angel admitted more than what he actually said. Kieren’s gaze flickers lower as he imagines Simon’s back… always hidden under layers and layers of human clothes, never showing a bulge of where his wings should be.

For angels, it’s their wings that collect and store Heavenly power. If Simon has absolutely no power left…

Kieren chews on his lower lip and regrets ever pressing Simon.

“Okay,” is all he says, because he might not have known the Principality for long, but he is positive that he wouldn’t want expressions of pity. “Okay. Um… Could you wait ten minutes?”

Simon finally raises his head to meet his eyes.

“I’ll finish lunch in ten minutes,” Kieren says, “tell them I’ll be out with a friend and then we could… I don’t know. Go for a walk or something.”

Relief and gratitude wash over Simon’s expression. His mouth curls into a small smile, and with that, he’s back to his usual self. His pearly eyes, though – they stay tender.

“Yeah. Yeah, I could wait.”

“Alright. I’ll be right back.”

When he goes back inside and closes the door, he has to lean back against it for a long moment to clear his head. His mind is a messy tangle of thoughts, and he can’t get rid of the feeling of something warm pulsing everywhere in his body.

__

 

“How’s Amy?”

“Better, though she’s still shaken by what happened. I advised everyone to stick together and keep watching their backs even more than usual. This kind of open attack on us is unusual even for Powers.”

“Yeah, well that Virtue certainly seems to encourage it. Gary finally found his pair.”

“Maxime? Yeah. I know her… she was arrogant enough even before The Falling. I can imagine how she must be like now.”

Kieren just hums at that. The conversation dies away, but the silence is not an uncomfortable one. They are walking side by side, leaving the graveyard behind and getting closer the edge of the forest. They walked around the town before, but Kieren couldn’t possibly talk to Simon while he could be seen by humans, so they came out here instead.

It’s more natural than he’d expected. Kieren anticipated nervousness and fluster, but he’s oddly comfortable in Simon’s presence. Though that’s not exactly a new discovery.

“And you?” Simon asks a few moments later, snaking a side-eyed glance at Kieren. “Are _you_ alright?”

“Fine,” he says instantly, but then actually thinks about it. “Been worse, I guess. Upset, mostly.”

“That’s understandable.”

Karen opens his mouth, but then he hears a familiar chirping noise coming from above. Perking up, he looks around and smiles when he spots his skylark flying toward them. It really has an exceptional ability to sense when Kieren is nearby.

The bird circles around their head a few times before coming down to perch on Kieren’s shoulder. It pecks his ear, but Kieren just smiles and reaches up to stroke its soft feathers. He doesn’t realise that Simon is watching him until he turns back and finds him smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Simon glances at the bird. “I just didn’t think it was really yours.”

“It’s not actually mine,” Kieren admits. “But it likes me. It’s been around me ever since I crashed on Earth. It found me while I was healing and… maybe it feels responsible for me? I don’t know. But I like having it around.”

As if it could understand them, the bird lets out a chirp and rubs its beak along Kieren’s cheek.

“Where did you land?” Simon asks, still watching them.

“Here in Roarton. In the middle of the forest.” He doesn’t close his eyes because the memories are more vivid that way, but somehow it’s not that bad to talk about it now. “I couldn’t even stand up for hours. I didn’t know what happened. I was… confused. Weak. In pain. It took me all night to pull myself together long enough to drag myself to the cave.”

“Cave?”

“Yeah. There’s a cave not far from here. Jem used to hide there all the time when she didn’t want her parents to find her. I always tried to talk her into going back, but she was a tough, stubborn kid. When she wouldn’t listen to me, I sat there with her for hours. Later on, it’s kinda become our place.”

Kieren turns his head to the right where he knows the rocky hills are. They really are close. He hasn’t even noticed that they were heading that way.

“Sometimes I went back there, even without her,” he says slowly. He’s not talking to Simon now; not exactly. “It was quiet and nice. Strange, because I never liked confined places. I always felt trapped when a room was not wide enough for me to fully spread out my wings. But I liked that cave. A couple of times I even went there with… with…”

He trails off. The name sits on his tongue, heavy, but he cannot bring himself to actually let it out into the open.

He doesn’t have to.

“With Rick?” Simon asks softly.

Kieren’s throat is tight. “Yeah. Yeah, with him. Just the two of us, when we wanted to get away from Heaven, but got bored of our other hiding places. He complained that it was too narrow and his wings were getting a cramp, but in truth he seemed to like it just as much as Jem andI did.”

Memories flood Kieren – from deep, from afar… and he almost gets dizzy with them, but they are all so important, all so precious to him. He can’t bring himself to stop them from flashing across his mind.

The lark chooses this moment to take off from Kieren’s shoulder and fly away.

Toward the cave.

Kieren looks after it only for a second before starting to head the same way. It takes a few moments for Simon to catch up with him, but when he does, he doesn’t question Kieren.

In ten minutes, they are there. The lark is sitting on a nearby tree, but eventually starts looking for food, completely ignoring the angels as they approach the cave.

“I haven’t been here since I fell,” Kieren whispers.

They go inside. It’s not wide by any means and chill seeps through their clothes, even though their bodies are always cold anyway, but Simon doesn’t complain. When they are deep inside, they sit down side by side with their backs to the rock walls. Kieren raises his chin and inhales the familiar scent.

His back starts to ache with the ghost memory of the pain-filled week he spent here, and he can dimly feel his wing-chunks twitching under the glamour. He shifts, trying to find a more comfortable position, and get unreasonably flustered when his arm brushes along Simon’s side.

The Principality doesn’t appear uncomfortable at all. He leans back against the wall, his eyes closed. The black eyelashes are in sharp contrast with his pale features – his skin almost seems to be glowing in the relative darkness of the cave.

“What happened to you?”

As soon as the words are out, Kieren would give anything to be able to take them back.

But he can’t. He can only watch, guilty, as Simon’s eyes snap open and he grows very still.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Kieren adds quickly. “If you don’t want to.”

For a long while, Simon doesn’t say anything.

When he finally does, his voice is deep and soft. “If I do, will you tell me about Rick?”

Kieren is stunned speechless.

Simon lets out a small, mirthless chuckle.

“No, this is not a trade. Not with you. Sorry.” He holds his breath for a second. “I got off cheap with The Falling… probably because I was one of the most powerful Principalities. When we got cast out of Heaven, I used all my power to preserve my wings, knowing that I would need them to fix what was happening. I fell in the middle of London and immediately took off, invisible. My wings were injured, but nowhere near as much as it was common with others, as I came to learn later. The feathers were burnt and I fractured a bone, but I could still fly. It hurt terribly, but I could do it. So I went back to Heaven right away. ”

Kieren listens to him in awe. After his own falling, Kieren was so broken he was barely keeping it together… it’s bewildering to know that Simon managed to have so much control over what was happening.

“Imagine my surprise when I arrived and there was nobody there. _Nobody._ Our entire plane was empty – not a soul in sight. The Fountain of Grace was still there in the centre, glowing bright as always, but I couldn’t hear the voices of spirits inside. They were all dead silent… and I knew that something was terribly wrong. That whatever caused me to fall had affected the others as well.”

“So I took off for the Seconds’ plane and demanded that they see me,” Simon continues. “I yelled at them that something had happened to the Third Sphere and they needed to bring together the council and alert everyone. Eventually they let me enter, but the moment I stepped inside their plane, they all gasped and back off. They were staring at me, shocked and disgusted. Said I looked like a spawn of Hell.”

“I couldn’t see myself, only my hands, but told them that my physical alteration bore no connection to my mind. I told them about what happened, how our entire plane got wiped clean of angels and it seemed like they couldn’t get back. And you know what the Virtues’ response was? ‘ _The Third Sphere has obviously been corrupted. There is a sickness within you, Principality, a sickness that makes you rot from the inside. Pure celestial beings could not become like this unless their heart was corrupted in the first place.’”_

Simon snorts and fists his hands. He looks like he wants to punch something but is holding back. Kieren can’t fault him for it. Outrage wells inside him as well just from imagining a Virtue saying this.

It takes Simon a few moments to regain his composure enough to continue.

“There was a conflict between the Seconds, after. Some argued that the Fallen should be left alone and ignored. A few others suggested we should be given new tasks on Earth. Others argued that we have to be properly dealt with because they can’t raise a whole new Sphere while we are still roaming free in the Lord’s world.”

“There was a Dominion. John. He said he wanted to give us a chance. _‘Let me examine you,’_ he said. ‘ _Maybe there is a way we can reverse this curse. Maybe we can help you get better so you can regain your previous glory.’_ ”

“No other Third could fly back to Heaven; I was the only one. I wanted to help them… so I said yes. With the power stored in his sceptre, he reached into the depth of my spirit and see what was inside. He scanned every fibre of my being and it was… excruciating. But I bore with it without a word. I bore with it… up until the moment he put manacles on me and ordered Powers to cut off my wings. To _cut out_ my wings.”

Ice-cold water washes over Kieren. He feels sick. Faint.

He can only watch, mortified, as Simon takes a shaky breath and hugs himself in an attempt to stop his body from shuddering so much.

“It was the worst pain I have ever felt. You can’t even begin to imagine it. Falling to Earth was nothing compared to it. They cut my wigs off… even dug inside so there was nothing left, and then gave me to Virtue Oddie. He dragged me to the brim of the Second Plane.”

“I will never forget what he said while staring down at me in disgust. ‘ _The Seconds have decided. We can’t have an abomination like you marching in and out of our sacred land as you please. Go and be with your kind. Monster.’_ And he tossed me back down to Earth.”

Kieren can’t see past the tears clouding his sight. His chest burns scorching hot, consuming his insides with must be like torturing hellfire.

Oh, Lord in Heaven. What had he done! It’s _his_ fault that Simon had to suffer through this. It’s his fault – and the guilt comes back to haunt him so strong Kieren feels like breaking under the weight of it.

“I don’t know where I fell the second time.” Simon sounds calmer now, but his voice is tinted with deep sadness. “I don’t even know how I survived. When I came back to myself, I was in the company of a fallen archangel, Julian. He told me about this group that was working on finding all the other Fallen. There were only a few of them back then, but they already had the Watcher supporting them in secret.”

“At first I was wary of the Watcher, just like you. Considering what the other Dominion had done to me in Heaven, it was understandable. But the Watcher… he healed me. He brought me dream orbs made from carefully taken nightmares, and used his own magic to heal my back the best he could. He never pressured me to join them, but I eventually did.”

“That’s why you are so dedicated to this cause,” Kieren says. It’s not a question.

Simon nods. “Yes. _We_ are not corrupt, Kieren. The Seconds are. “

After a brief moment of hesitation – during which they lock eyes and Kieren sees a vulnerability in Simon he never would have dreamed witnessing on his face – the Principality shrugs his jacket off, pulls his jumper over his head… and slowly turns his back to Kieren.

The guardian angel has to bite down on his lip to stifle his shocked gasp.

On either side of Simon’s spine lies a horrid scar where his wings should emerge. Two dark, swollen holes that are not closed properly even after years of healing, the area around them raw and still angry red. The long Humerus bones were cut clean off, the chunks apparently gouged out to not let even the smallest bone fragment remain. It’s obvious that the Dominion wanted to make sure that Simon wouldn’t have an ounce of power left.

_Oh, Simon…_

Kieren reaches toward the angel absently, wanting to brush his trembling fingers along his spine, but he stops short before making contact with the pale skin.

He has no right to touch him. It’s his fault that his wings were taken away, after all.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, choking on tears.

Simon muscles flex as he puts his jumper back on and throws the jacket around his shoulders. The layers of clothing mean nothing now, however. He is naked before Kieren, more vulnerable that he has probably ever let himself be… and Kieren is equally touched and terrified by this display of trust.

There is a hard set to Simon’s jaw as he turns back to the guardian, like he expects to be ridiculed or pitied. He visibly braces himself before glancing up to look at Kieren – and when he does, his eyes widen.

Kieren doesn’t look away. He feels exposed and raw… like he imagines Simon must be feeling… but there is no force in existence that could stop himself from facing Simon.

He doesn’t look away – and more importantly, he doesn’t put his glamour back on.

“Kieren…”

Simon’s voice is nothing more than a hush of breath. He watches Kieren with the same awed expression he had shown when first getting a glimpse at Kieren’s true form days ago. His pupils flicker everywhere as he takes in Kieren’s appearance; eerie grey skin, white eyes filled with tears and a pair of disfigured, burnt wing-chunks twitching nervously behind his back. For the first time since his falling, Kieren is not self-conscious about his wings. He _still_ has them, after all. Now he understands the he should be grateful for this fact.

Simon comes closer until they are kneeling almost face to face. The way he reaches out and touches Kieren’s face, just with the tip of his fingers, is almost _reverent._ Kieren gulps and leans into the touch.

“You’re beautiful,” Simon whispers.

Kieren should disagree. He has never considered himself beautiful, not even when he was still a pure angel, and after The Falling… well, who he’s kidding. He couldn’t even meet his reflection in three years without flinching. There is nothing ‘beautiful’ in him, either in body or spirit.

Yet Simon’s words mean something more. It makes him feel something more.

“I’m sorry,” Kieren mutters again, broken. This seems to be the only thing he can force out. “I’m so sorry, Simon. I hadn’t known.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered if you had. And it’s not your fault. Stop apologising.”

Something ugly tugs at Kieren’s chest.

He feels sick to his stomach again.

“But it is,” he says in a tiny, barely audible voice.

“What?”

“It is. It _is_ my fault.” Oh Lord, and now he’s on the verge of a panic attack. He has to pull away from Simon but despite the small distance, he chokes on air as he tries to regulate his breathing. “It _is_ my fault. What happened to you… what happened to everyone… it’s all on _me_ , and I can’t bear it, Simon. I’m crumbling under the weight of it.”

He fists his hand so tight his nails almost break the skin of his palms.

This is it. He will lose Simon now. And he can’t even blame anyone other but himself.

But he can’t keep silent – not after Simon bared himself so completely for him.

“I don’t understand.” A small frown appears on the Principality’s forehead. “What are you trying to say?”

“We fell because of me.”

This is the first time he has said it out loud. It sounds even worse than it did in his head.

Kieren squeezes his eyes shut. “The Falling was my fault. It was never supposed to happen.”

Simon goes impossibly still. His hands fall from Kieren’s shoulders.

The guardian angel lets out a mirthless laugh, and then… it all spills out of him.

“You already know about Rick. He was like a son to Bill, but Bill has always despised me and hated how close we were. Rick and I were of the exact same cycle, we have always spent all our time together when we weren’t with our wards. But I… I guess it became apparent how I felt for him, and when Bill got wind of that I was thinking about o-offering Rick one of my feathers during the next molt… he just snapped. At first he tried talking Rick out of hanging with ‘the likes of me’ but when that didn’t work, he… he ripped out Rick’s spirit and sent it to Earth through the Channel.”

“I have no idea what he hoped to achieve by this. I guess he thought if he kept us apart long enough, Rick would come to see sense. Bill once spit it in my face that if he didn’t think Rick would never speak to him again for it, he would have done it to me instead of him.”

“In any case, Rick was reborn in a human body with a guardian angel’s spirit inside. I… I often watched over him when Jem didn’t need me around. Frankly, I was miserable. I don’t think I could have gone on if I hadn’t met Amy around that time. She kept me going.”

Simon tentatively asks, “And everybody just let Bill do this? Nobody from your league had anything to say?”

“A Throne eventually found out what happened to Rick and came to take him to the Thrones Council. I don’t know what happened to him. We never heard about him after.”

Simon nods. It’s like an encouragement to continue, but Kieren is nervous, his tongue thick and dry in his mouth. It’s immensely hard to pick up and keep going.

“I thought this would be it, you know? That I just had to wait for Rick to grow up, and then he would be offered the chance to join us again. That he would soon be angel again. But… but that’s not what happened. Three years ago…” Breathe in. Breathe out. “Rick died. A car hit him in an accident, and he died instantly. He was eleven.”

He closes his eyes and takes several more calming breaths. It just hurts so damn much to think about this again. When he next looks up, he is met with understanding on Simon’s face.

“And it is strictly forbidden to make angels out of children,” the Principality recites. “No matter what.”

“Yes. The high-class angels wouldn’t go down to bring his spirit back to our plane, but he also didn’t have a soul to enter the Paradise of Humans. After death, I knew he would just… disappear. Cease to exist. Completely.”

This is the story everyone knew. Out of a misfortune, Rick ceased to exist and Kieren was left grieving for his best friend. Even Amy had no idea what happened after this.

“I wasn’t going to allow that to happen. Not when him being sent to Earth was my fault to begin with.”

His confession makes Simon perk up again. A suspicious glint appears in his eyes and Kieren has to gulp, has to brace his shoulders to be able to look at him.

“I turned to other sources. Sources nobody would have approved of. And… I went to find a demon. Dantalion.”

It’s almost comic how Simon freezes. Well, would be if Kieren wasn’t about to cry.

“I heard he fancied himself a neutral being who was giving counsel to anyone freely,” he continues before he could change his mind. He’s too deep in, anyway. “I found him in Antarctica and asked him to tell me how I could save Rick’s spirit from dissolving. He told me I could do it by taking what was left of the spirit inside me and sneaking it into Heaven without anyone noticing. Then, I had to release him into the Fountain of Grace. He was supposed to start a whole new cycle there but when he came out, he would have been a normal guardian angel again. He would have _lived._ And that was all I wanted.”

“I realise now that I should have never trusted a demon’s word. It’s so obvious now! But I wasn’t thinking straight back then – I was _desperate._ So I did as Dantalion said… I let him cut me open and make something crawl inside me.”

Chewing on his lip, Kieren turns his arms and puts them out for Simon to see the blackened wounds on his wrists.

“I paid him by letting him feed on my own spiritual power,” he admits, burning with shame, “and then went back to Heaven. After that, I did as I was instructed... Flew to the Fountain when nobody was around and released that thing in Heaven.”

Kieren breathes in. Exhales.

“Only, it was never Rick to begin with.”

He doesn’t dare close his eyes because he’s afraid of seeing that gleaming cloud streaming out of his body through the cuts, right into the bright, glowing Fountain. He should have noticed that the Voices went silent for a second when it joined them. He should have noticed that something was not right.

But he never did. He just felt _relief._

“For a few weeks, nothing happened,” he goes on eventually. “I thought Rick was safe, healing inside the Fountain with the other spirits. But then I started to feel sick. For a while I didn’t know what it was… I’ve never experienced sickness after all, not in my celestial life. I thought it was just me, maybe a post-effect of letting the demon take so much from me… but then everyone around me started getting sick. The disease spread… until one day, it all crashed down.”

“You know what happened.” Kieren chuckles without joy. “The pain in your head first, then the burning feeling in your wings… that huge pushing force, and that was it. I was falling. I lost consciousness but I can remember my wings burning off, rotting from the inside, thick smoke going up all around me…

“And then, I was on Earth, in the middle of a forest. I had no power. I was weak. I eventually dragged myself to a cave but while doing so I could see falling stars lighting up the night sky everywhere. Except… it was not a meteor shower. It was…”

Kieren gulps loudly and can feel the first tears finally rolling down his cheeks.

“It was the entire Third Sphere,” he rasps out. “Every angel from our plane. All over the Earth, falling. Falling because of _me_.”

He can’t even hear Simon’s breathing anymore. He wants to look at him, to see what kind of expression he’s watching him with, but he doesn’t dare to.

“You know the rest. I stayed in the cave for about a week, with only that one lark for company. I eventually went out to find Jem. I told her what happened, though I didn’t tell her the truth about my involvement, and she let me stay with her… even though I had to put a charm on her parents.”

“I never wanted to have anything to do with angels, after. It was too painful. And I was s-so ashamed! I… I’m sorry, Simon. I’m so sorry. I can never make up for this.”

Simon pays no mind to his words. He just reaches out and takes Kieren’s arm, turning them up and brushing his thumbs over the horrible scars on the wrists. Kieren hates how gentle his touch is. Surely Simon should be disgusted with him by now? He doesn’t deserve this tenderness. It makes him feel like he’s being set on fire. Like he’s flayed raw.

“It’s you.” Simon’s quiet voice washes over him like a cool stream of a river. “I’ve been looking for you this whole time.”

“What? Weren’t you listening? I’m not some saint, Simon! _I_ made this happen. It wasn’t God’s great plan – it was just me, making a huge freaking mistake, and now everybody’s paying for it.”

“The Watcher never said we were looking for a saint. We just had to find the First, because the First is the Last.” He looks up and Kieren is startled by the conviction in his gaze. He’s not appalled by Kieren. He’s not disgusted by him. Why? “You started this all, Kieren… and you can finish it.”

“You still believe so?”

“Yes. Kieren, hearing your story… this changes _nothing_ of the fact that The Falling happened for a reason. You understand now that the Second Sphere is truly corrupt. Heaven should be a just haven for every soul, representing our Holy Father, yet there is evil there. Look at how they treat us. Look what Bill did to you, what John did to me! Now that we fell, we know the truth – and it’s time for us to fix it.”

“I shouldn’t even be alive. It should have been _me_ who stopped existing, not Rick.”

“You are not a bad person, Kieren. You did what you did out of love, didn’t you? Love is what God appreciates the most.” Simon brushes his palm over Kieren’s cheek. “And you are so full of pure, genuine love… I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. You made a mistake, yes. You believed in the wrong person. But that doesn’t make you worthless.”

Kieren can’t bear it for any longer. He threads his fingers in Simon’s jacket and lets his head fall onto his shoulder. Breathes in his cool scent until his head is full of it.

“I wanted to forget all about this,” he confesses in a small voice. “I convinced myself I could live as a human. I wanted to. I wanted to blend in just so I could avoid facing the mess I’ve made.”

“Did you succeed?” Simon asks him gently.

He shakes his head. “No. I love Jem, and I love her family. But I was just a coward, running away.”

Simon’s hand comes under Kieren’s chin, tipping his head back so their eyes can lock.

“Kieren, we can make this better. We can fix his. Let me bring you to the Watcher. Please.” The guardian opens his mouth, but no words come out, and Simon rushes forward before he could find his voice. “I know you don’t trust him, but trust _me_. Help us. I swear we can make this right. The Watcher is a Dominion, maybe our only ally among the Seconds; he can make contact with the First Sphere. If we can go back to Heaven, we can put an end to this injustice once and for all. We are not out for revenge – what we want is _justice._ ”

One of his hands slide up to rake over Kieren’s hair, only to settle behind his ears. He touches their foreheads together for a second and Kieren closes his eyes at the contact.

“You are the only one who can do this. Nobody will hate you for what you did, and nobody will hurt you. I will make sure of it. No harm will come to you, I promise. _Trust me.”_

Lord in Heaven, he _does._

Kieren tips his head back so he can drink in the sight of Simon, and wonders how he could have lived centuries in Heaven not knowing him. Wonders how this Principality could grow to be one of the most important people in his life after just a few weeks.

Maybe they have known each other in a previous cycle. It would make sense.

He leans forward and kisses Simon.

Simon goes still. He sucks in a surprised breath that tickles Kieren’s lips, but after a moment or so he cradles Kieren’s face and kisses back with overwhelming passion.

“I trust you,” Kieren clarifies out loud when they part minutes later.

Simon’s only response is to bring their mouths back together.

Minutes pass by, slow and steady, and with every passing second more and more warmth curls back into Kieren’s chest. He stops clutching at Simon’s jacket and wraps his arms around him instead, pulling him close until their chests are touching. The press of Simon’s mouth against his own is familiar and warm by now, and it makes him feel alive. Treasured.

Forgiven.

“Okay,” he says once they part for a second time. “Okay. I will go with you to the Watcher.”

Over the sound of their slightly ragged breathing, Kieren can hear his lark chirping sweetly outside the cave.

 


	3. Fighting for Light

Despite the fact that Kieren starts to work himself up to leaving Roarton to meet the leader of the Ascendants, word comes that he doesn’t need to do that after all. The Watcher has decided to come to Roarton personally, so all they have to do is wait for him.

Simon is just as surprised by this turn of events as Kieren.

“The Watcher has never agreed to meet anyone like this before,” he tells Kieren. “He would always talk only to twelve of us so as to not risk leading the other Seconds to us by revealing his identity. And we always had to meet at different locations. This will mark the first time he makes a semi-public appearance.”

“Is that good?”

“I believe so, yes.” Simons gives him a small smile. “He must be sure that we can return to Heaven soon with your help, otherwise he wouldn’t take such a risk.”

Kieren doesn’t know how he feels about it. Apart from causing this huge mess, there is nothing special about him – certainly nothing that would warrant such a unique treatment from a celestial so powerful as a Dominion. And how does he expect Kieren to help, exactly? What if he just messes it up again and it will be his fault if this last chance of fixing the situation goes fruitless?

But he has to try it. There is no other way. He’ll just have to do his best and follow the Watcher’s guidance.

His troubling thoughts are probably written all over his features, because Simon brushes his knuckles over Kieren’s cheek. It doesn’t last for more than two seconds, but it’s enough to make him relax.

“Hey. Don’t worry. It’s going to be fine.”

Kieren sighs and gives Simon a tentative smile. “I hope so.”

They have become more affectionate since… well, since they bared themselves in front of each other in the cave that day. There were no questions asked, nor any promises made; they haven’t actually addressed what happened between them at all. But the lingering touches, meaningful glances and quiet moments spent together are just as much part of their day now as breathing is. Even though they haven’t known each other for long, Kieren can’t deny that there is an overwhelming pull between them, something that draws them to each other like the Moon and the Earth.

They don’t kiss that much. That’s not really a wonder since it’s primarily a human gesture; angels usually touch each other’s wings instead, caressing or preening the feathers. However, the way they are now, they can’t do that. Still, Kieren often finds Simon’s hands running over his back, gently massaging his shoulder blades, or sometimes trailing his fingertips down the length of his spine. It never fails to make him shiver. It’s such a pleasant feeling he wants to return it, but Simon made it clear that he doesn’t want that.

Simon is still very much traumatised by the mutilation he had to suffer by the hands of that Dominion, and Kieren understands his hesitance to let another angel touch his back. But he doesn’t let it hold him back. He makes a point of kissing Simon’s neck whenever they are alone, brushing the back of his hand and sometimes kissing him on the mouth.

They should talk about this, he knows. He _wants to._ Simon came into his life like a storm and swayed him from his feet, but that doesn’t mean that the aching void in his heart left by Rick is gone – not at all.

But the time is so not right. They are literally days away from having their hopes either fulfilled or shattered, and that is not a time to be discussing a potential relationship.

Maybe if everything goes well… maybe if they can return to Heaven…

Well. They just have to wait.

Amy is not oblivious to the change in their relationship, despite them doing absolutely nothing suspicious when in company. She must have caught the looks, one of the several silent conversations of their gazes, because one afternoon she says out of the blue:

“I’m happy for you.”

She gives a sneaky glance at Kieren. She’s smiling, but her eyes are serious. “You needed this. Both of you.”

Kieren has no idea how to respond. More embarrassed than he has expected to be, he just drops his head and shrugs, not saying a word.

Amy doesn’t mention it again, but she always smiles whenever she walks in a room to find Kieren and Simon conversing quietly with each other.

Their tentative relationship is not the only thing she seems to be okay with. Kieren was quite worried when they had to reveal to Amy the reason why they are expecting the Watcher in the first place. He knew that his being the First Fallen would be made common knowledge among the angels in Roarton, yet he didn’t want Amy to know. Simon kept Kieren’s secret, so nobody knew the true reason behind the Falling; they only knew that Kieren was the First. But the entire truth will probably come to light soon, and when it happens… Well. Kieren got so much understanding from Simon, but he can’t expect the same from Amy.

The Ascendants still look at him like he is an outsider. Their gazes are always judging. Disapproving. Kieren can guess the reasons: they don’t understand why he is hanging around in the bungalow so much while still masquerading himself as a mortal and living with the Walkers. They don’t understand his hesitance to socialise with them. And they most definitely don’t understand why Simon and Amy spend so much time alone with him.

Kieren has never wanted attention on himself, and their frowning upon him is something he takes to heart, even if Simon tells him not to.

“They don’t know you. It’s not their fault – you haven’t opened up to them.” Seeing that Kieren is already opening his mouth, he cuts him short by raising his hand. “I know. I know why you are reluctant to do so. I understand. But please understand them, too.”

Kieren gulps. They are in the Walker’s house today, sitting on Kieren’s bed behind closed doors. It’s not like anyone could spot Simon as he can’t materialise himself in front of humans, but Kieren doesn’t want any interruptions.

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I know. I just… You know they are right to frown upon me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Of course it is. They are all here because of me, and they don’t even know. It’s so hard for me to look them in the eyes…”

Simon draws him closer and so Kieren leans on him, resting his head on the Principality’s shoulder. He smells of earth and cold nights, but there is an underlying warmth that soaks into Kieren from their close proximity.

“That mistake of yours was necessary. When they know everything, they will understand and forgive you.” He puts his arm around Kieren, squeezing is shoulder for a second. “When will _you_ forgive yourself?”

Probably? Never.

Kieren doesn’t say it, however.

Air catches in his throat when Simon’s hand shifts to his back, rubbing slow circles onto his shoulder blades… at the exact point where his wings are protruding from him. He can feel the small chunks twitching under the glamour, the remaining intact feathers fluffing up a bit.

He’s almost tempted to drop the glamour to feel Simon’s hands on them for real.

“Why?” His voice nearly breaks on this one word. “You know what I’ve done. Then… why?”

Despite his lack of coherency, Simon seems to understand.

“Exactly. I _know_ what you have done. Despite the consequences it has brought, I can see what the source of it all was: love.” White eyes bore into his, soft and intense and all-consuming. Kieren can’t look away. “I could never fault you for having so much love in your heart.”

In that moment, Kieren’s heart does nothing but ache.

He wonders if it will ever stop.

__

 

Finally a messenger comes to inform them that the Watcher will arrive the next day. He will be waiting for them after sunset in the open field at the far end of the forest, away from Roarton and thus humans. If everything goes well, they all will regain their ability to ascend to Heaven right away.

Kieren is more than a little nervous, but this close to reaching their goal he can’t afford hesitating. So he puts on a strong face and doesn’t let his worries and doubts out in the open. Judging from their long glances, he suspects that Amy and Simon can see through the façade… but his friends are kind enough not to say anything. Kieren is grateful for that.

He spends that night with Jem, holed up with her in her bedroom.

Jem already knows what’s happening – Kieren told her days ago. She also knows about Simon, though Kieren has been rather close-mouthed about it. She playfully teased him and expressed interest in wanting to meet Simon, but Kieren only said that it wasn't possible. He didn’t want to reveal Simon’s secrets to Jem; the fact that he has been robbed of his wings, that he can’t materialise, that he doesn’t exactly approves of Kieren’s living with the Walkers.

Maybe one day, when Heaven is fixed and they are still together, he will introduce him to Jem. But not before that.

And besides, Jem obviously has enough on her mind.

Kieren can see that she is just as worried as he is. For a long time she doesn’t say anything, but around 10 PM the question bubbles out of her, “Do you think they really know what they’re doing?”

Sighing, Kieren leans back against the headboard. “Honestly? I don’t know. But we have to try. That’s… kind of the only thing we can do.”

“And if it works? What then? Will you all just piss off to Heaven and spend your days kicking asshole angel butts until your home is a nice place again?”

She’s heated and upset, but after a second of studying her, Kieren recognises the true question hidden behind the rest. It makes him straighten up and shift on the bed so he can face Jem.

“I will be back.”

Jem’s face twitches. She drops her gaze and stares absently at the muted laptop sitting at the far end of the bed.

Kieren hesitates only for a moment before reaching for her hand. She’s usually quite vocal about not wanting to display affection openly, but she doesn’t say a word now and it only serves as more proof for Kieren that right in that second, she _needs_ it. Needs the confirmation that no matter what happens, she will still have Kieren.

“I mean it, Jem. Nothing could keep me away from you.  You’re not just my ward, you know that, right? You…” Kieren tilts his head to the side, and for the first time in long, a genuine smile blossoms on his face. “You’re my little sister. And I would never leave you alone.”

Relief washes over Jem’s features. She returns the smile… until she suddenly clears her throat, pulls her hand away and teasingly pinches Kieren’s arm.

“Don’t be such a sap, Kier.”

They stay up well after midnight, watching television programmes on the laptop. Jem says it’s like a stupid pyjama party for brats, deems the programmes crappy, complains that the Cola has lost its fizziness and scolds Kieren for taking up too much space on the bed.

Yet come midnight, she is sleeping soundly next to him, nuzzling close and clutching his shirt. As Kieren lies awake with his back to the headboard, leisurely stroking his fingers through Jem’s silky red-tinted hair, he swears that whatever happens the next day, he’ll be back for her.

__

 

The crisp air carries a dark scent as the group of Fallen Ones make their way through the forest. The sun has not set yet, but it’s getting closer and closer to the horizon, bathing the sky in burning orange colour. The forest seems uncharacteristically quiet, as if every living creature was aware that something big is happening tonight.

Kieren shares the sentiment. He’s been silent since leaving the Walkers’ house and joining the Ascendants, and his breathing has been coming short and uneven since they first stepped into the woods. No matter how many times he’s been here, the forest has never felt this cold, not even in the middle of the night. Or maybe the chill he’s feeling is coming from inside of him…?

He feels a touch on the back of his hand. Amy glances at him with a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, handsome.”

Kieren breathes out a huff of air. “I’m trying not to.”

“You have nothing to be nervous about,” Simon tells him, his voice low and soothing. “The Watcher will inform you about everything, I’m sure. He needs to perform a ritual that will allow us to go home. As the First Fallen, I suspect he will need you to assist him with your own power.”

“I’m just a guardian. I know nothing of rituals.”

“He’ll help.” Simon’s gaze finally turns toward him. “Amy’s right. Don’t worry, Kieren.”

He probably would be a lot more reassuring if Kieren couldn’t see that he’s full of excitement, too. Despite the calmness of his features, his white eyes are gleaming a bit more than usual, his shoulders are a bit too stiff… and when they arrive at the meeting point, he exhales as if he’s been holding his breath back.

The open field surrounded by trees. Kieren glances up; the majestic sky is burning with the colours of the red sunset. In a few minutes, darkness will fall – and this far from Roarton all the beautiful stars will be visible above them. Kieren wants to believe it more than anything that come morning, he and all the other angels will be flying close to them again, racing the shooting stars.

“Look!” he hears Amy exclaim excitedly.

Kieren turns toward when Amy is pointing… and the breath catches in his throat.

Five or six metres in front of them, next to a grouping of trees, stands a figure clad in light blue robes with two Fallen by his side.

“That’s him,” Simon says. He’s a bit breathless, too. “That’s the Watcher.”

His shoulders are so tense now. Kieren wonders if he’s thinking about the same as him… if he wonders whether he will have his old wings back by the start of the new days. Kieren doesn’t want to mess this up, he wants to believe and wants to help… but doubt is eating at his insides like a disease.

He studies the Watcher as they approach him. His richly decorated robes fall to the ground elegantly, the hood of his cloak is thrown over his head and in his right hand he holds a huge sceptre. It’s not the usual Dominion accessory, but has a similar gleaming orb attached to its head. Kieren can’t see his wings – they are no doubt hidden by glamour – but even from this distance he can feel the overwhelming power of the angel. The wave of it makes him dizzy in the head.

Amy must be feeling the same because she grabs on to Kieren tightly. A sideways glance reveals that she’s staring at the Watcher with parted lips.

“He’s a strong one, eh,” she whispers.

Simon doesn’t react. His face is growing more and more serious the closer they get to the leader of the Ascendants. He’s putting some distance between himself and Kieren too, the guardian angel notices. It’s like Simon’s going into full duty mode… and despite Amy’s closeness, he still feels uneasy.

“Halt,” one of the angels by the Watcher’s side says loudly then. “The ritual is a sacred secret the Watcher can’t risk revealing to everyone. He is asking you all but the First Fallen and the Principality Simon to stand back while he completes it. The wait for our ascending is nearly done; he asks you all to be patient.”

Murmuring rushes through the rest of the angels, but despite their obvious discontentment they obediently take a step back.

They all exhale in surprise when the Watcher raises his spectre and stabs the ground with it once, a brief flash of light following in its wake. In that second, a low sound not unlike thunder can be heard… and a deep violet barrier starts descending from the air above them.

Kieren snaps his head up and watches with widening eyes as the barrier falls lower and lower, making the dark sky and beautiful stars disappear from sight. Then he jumps in surprise when someone rushes to him and takes his hand.

“Nope,” Amy says firmly. “There’s no way I’m leaving your side, handsome.”

Kieren’s throat feels so tight he can’t manage to utter a word, but he squeezes Amy’s hand in silent gratitude.

When the barrier falls completely, the crackling-rumbling sound is all but cut with a knife, leaving the six of them standing in a huge gleaming dome. Kieren can still see the dark silhouette of nearby trees and the rest of their company, but everything is blurred beyond recognition. And there is absolutely no sound penetrating the closed space – it’s as if every sound has just died out of the world.

Maybe that is the reason why the Watcher makes him jump just by speaking up.

“Welcome, Simon. Kieren.” His voice is a caress of silk in the silence. “And…”

He turns to Amy, eyes flashing briefly under the cover of the hood.

“Amy,” she supplies.

The Watcher doesn’t react. He turns back toward Kieren and starts closing the distance between them. He moves slowly, gracefully, like he wasn’t even walking, but gliding on the ground. Kieren’s nerves act up even more.

Simon steps in front of him, walks ahead, then goes to his knees and bows his head. When the Watcher reaches him, he places his hand on Simon’s hair. His long fingers are slender and healthy-coloured against the dark strands.

“Simon, my child. I knew you would succeed where others have failed.”

“It is not my own merit,” Simon says, keeping his head low. “Kieren revealed himself willingly to help us all.”

“Is that so.” The Watcher’s attention once again shifts back to Kieren. Even with his face masked, Kieren shivers from the weight of his gaze. “I have wanted to meet you.”

Kieren doesn’t know if he should say something or not. His mouth fails to form a response.

The Watcher doesn’t seem to mind.

“You may rise,” he tells Simon over his shoulder. “Kieren, come closer. I wish to see you.”

With his heart seemingly beating in his throat, Kieren does as he’s told and takes a few tentative steps toward the Watcher. He feels terribly uncomfortable. The Dominion is studying him, weighing him, and the focused gaze makes Kieren’s skin itch. He wants to curl up somewhere and hide from him, because… because it’s like the other angel was looking _right into him_ , and honestly, what can he see there? Nothing good or worthy, he’s sure.

But. If Kieren really is the key to their ascending, he has to swallow his unease and bear with it. The Fallen Ones deserve that much from him after what he has done.

Still, the Watcher’s slightly amused chuckle makes his skin crawl.

“I meant to see you _properly_ , child. Show yourself. Your _true_ self.”

Kieren freezes.

 _It’s okay,_ he tells himself, doing his best not to tense up. _It’s okay, you can do it. Simon’s already seen you, anyway. Amy won’t judge you. And the others… There’s only two of them. The rest can’t see you from the other side of the barrier. And how bad could it be?_

“Kieren.”

Simon’s voice penetrates the fog of panic in his mind. It’s not a call, not a warning, not even an urging… but it’s said with just enough force to let Kieren know that Simon doesn’t like his stalling. Somehow, it feels a bit like a betrayal.

He reluctantly pulls the glamour back, but it almost causes him physical pain. He instinctively tries to grab onto the dissolving magic, to wrap it back around himself so he can feel safe, but he forces himself to let go. After, he just stands there, fixing his gaze on the grassy ground.

It’s horrible. If he was uncomfortable with baring himself in front of Simon, now it’s a hundred times worse. He’s been playing human for long enough to know that the shame he feels is the equivalent of being stripped off in public. But for everyone’s sake, he bears with it. Just pointedly does not look at Amy’s way.

The Watcher’s eyes flash in satisfaction. He comes up to Kieren and stops just a few inches short of him. From this close, the raw power rolling off of him is practically suffocating.

“Give me your hands.”

Kieren’s face remains passive, but the sudden twitching of his now visible wing-chunks reveal his thoughts. He gulps hard and raises his arms.

The Watcher takes his hands without hesitation… then abruptly turns them upwards.

The ugly black scars have never looked more horrifying.

Air rushes out of Kieren. “T-those are-”

“I know what they are,” the Watcher cuts in. “I know what you have done. There is no need to be ashamed of it. I do not fault you for that.” He raises his head. From under the hood Kieren can see a pair of dark eyes locking with his own. “What you have done was necessary for us to be able to stand here today.”

Kieren’s stomach clenches, but a small bubble of relief bursts in his chest. He is not being judged. The Watcher _knows…_ and he says he doesn’t mind. Maybe there _is_ forgiveness waiting for him at the end of the road.

He glances to his side, checking on his friends. Amy worries her lower lip with her teeth, though she tries to give him a reassuring smile when their eyes meet. Simon is standing next to her. He still holds himself extremely stiff – a true Principality – but some warmth sneaks back into his gaze as he smiles at Kieren in reassurance.

Kieren is about to offer a nervous smile back… but what comes out instead is a startled yelp.

The Watcher locks Kieren’s right wrist in an iron grip and raises it to his lips, only to suck one of the fingers into his mouth. His tongue is cold and his fingers are digging into his skin… but what makes Kieren cry out is the sudden feeling that kicks into his stomach, making him dizzy.

He’s losing power.

The Watcher is… he’s _draining him._

“L-let me go!” Kieren shouts, ripping himself free of the other’s hold.

He cradles his hand to himself, but his finger is tingling and there is no mistaking the horrible pain that shoots into his shoulder blades. His wings are flapping all over the place, his legs buckle, and it takes all his concentration not to fall to his knees.

“Kieren!”

Amy’s cry tears into the air like a dagger. Kieren whips around only to see Amy suddenly getting manhandled by one of the Watcher’s followers, the other restraining a visibly shocked Simon.

The Watcher pays them no mind apart from flicking his fingers, at which Simon and Amy go mute with a horrified expression on their faces. The Watcher throws his head back and lets out a satisfied sigh like he has just tasted the richest of wines.

“Ah… yes. It truly is you.” There is nothing soft or silky about his voice anymore. It makes Kieren’s skin crawl. “I have never forgotten your taste.”

“My… taste…?”

“Yes. After Dantalion took part of your core energy, he brought it to me. It was second-handed by the time I got my hands on it, true, but the pure taste of it was still the best I have ever had the pleasure to savour.” He eyes Kieren with greed. “Oh, how I waited for you to show up again…”

 _Oh Lord. He knows Dantalion. He is_ working with him. _He is…_

“You’re not an angel,” he breathes.

That spine-chilling chuckle again. “No, boy. I am not.”

With that, the Watcher reaches up and pushes the hood back, finally revealing his face.

He appears surprisingly normal: a middle aged man with dark, curly hair and stubble shadowing his jaws. His eyes, however… they are cold and calculating, with a dark gleam in them that raises goose bumps on Kieren’s skin. The Watcher holds himself in a way that screams of assertiveness, and when the wings protruding from his back suddenly become visible, he raises them high and spreads them out in a display of authority.

They are nothing like angel wings, however. Pitch black and ragged, the membrane wings resemble those of bats more than anything.

Kieren takes a step back and swallows around the lump in his throat. “Who are you?”

“I have been known by other names during the several millennia of my existence. But for a long time, they have been calling me Ornias.”

“You’re a demon.”

Ornias smiles at him. “Yes. But I have not always been that. Once, thousands and thousands of years ago, I was a respected Cherub of the First Sphere of Heaven. Fate, however, guided me to another route… and I fell. All the way to Hell.”

Kieren tries to mask his shock, but fear claws at his chest like a savage beast. Oh Lord, a fallen Cherub. That certainly explains his overwhelming power. Kieren had no idea that a being so high up in the celestial hierarchy can even fall from grace, but the living example stands right in front of him, and he wishes he would have somewhere to hide. Whatever the reason the Watch… _Ornias_ wants him for, it can’t be good.

He sneaks a glance back to his friends. Amy and Simon are still gripped tight by Ornias’ followers; Amy tries to twist out of her captor’s hold and shouts at him even though she’s mute, Simon, however… the Principality’s face is bleached out more than ever, his eyes are impossibly wide and he seems to be shaking so much the Fallen has trouble keeping ahold of him.

It must be the shock. After what he’s suffered through, Simon had put all his faith in the Watcher… and now he realised that it was in vain. He trusted the wrong person, _again._ Kieren wishes he could go and talk to him before panic consumes his mind, but he can’t really do that right now.

Keeping the Watcher speaking seems to be the best idea until he figures out how to get out of this mess. All the other fallen angels are just outside the barrier, unsuspecting – if he could just break the barrier down somehow, they would see the Watcher for what he truly is and… and what then?

Chewing on his lip, he turns back to Ornias.

“And you know Dantalion.”

“Of course. He’s an accomplice of mine. When three years ago he visited me to tell me about this love-sick guardian angel and his request, I couldn’t believe my ears. I knew the time had finally come. And I wasn’t wrong!”

“He _tricked me_!” Kieren hisses, his attempts at trying to come up with an escape idea momentarily forgotten. “He tricked me into carrying the disease right into Heaven! He made me release it into the Fountain, knowing full well what would happen!”

The thrashing noises stop and Kieren can only imagine that Amy stopped resisting out of pure shock. He doesn’t dare to look back; he doesn’t want to see what kind of face she’s making.

Ornias just smiles at him, amused.

“Oh, he tricked you, right enough. But the Fountain had nothing to do with it.”

“What do you mean? Don’t lie, I know what happened. He… he put this, this _curse_ in me and made me release it in our plane so the entire Third Sphere got infected.” Kieren shuts his eyes against the memories, against the burning of shame. “If I had known-”

“Simon hasn't told you? Or little Amy? You are the _key,_ Kieren.” Ornias tilts his head and studies Kieren without blinking, his gaze sharp and penetrating. “You don’t understand, do you. The true meaning of it?”

He smiles again. It is more threatening that if he were shouting.

“There was no disease to be released. What you have seen, what you have carried, was just a physical manifestation of the magic Dantalion cast on you. And its sole purpose was to keep up the connection between the core energy in your body and the part of it that he took from you.”

Phantom pain stabs into his wrist as Kieren remembers the way Dantalion sucked out his spiritual power. He was so weak, so drained after… like part of him was missing…

“Dantalion came to me right after you left and handed me the stolen part of your core. I tainted it with my own.”

Kieren stops breathing.

Ornias’ smile is thick with twisted pleasure. “Haven’t you ever felt like you were rotten from the inside? Like there is a darkness in you nobody sees? Like you were the source of all the bad that has fallen on your brethren? Because that is the truth, Kieren. There was never a disease, never a curse. It has always been… _you.”_

“W-what?”

No. No, that can’t be. That can’t-

“You are the Key, you are the Source, and you are the First. Your very being is what tainted all the other angels, connecting to each and every one of them. _You_ made them fall _,_ Kieren. You alone.”

Kieren feels like screaming… but he is petrified, his body locked down with shock. He can’t breathe, he can’t move, he can’t even think right. There is just screaming inside his head, a wail that shatters every fibre of his being like he was made of glass.

Broken into tiny little fragments.

“No.” He takes a step back and shakes his head because it’s too much, it’s too much. “No, that’s not true. I’m not… I’m not rotten. I’m not…”

Oh Father in Heaven, but he’s always felt it, didn’t he? This darkness in him, this feeling of utter worthlessness. The rot inside, eating at his spirit. He has always known.

Kieren feels sick. Betrayed by his own body – he wants to claw at his skin and rip it apart, because anything is better than thinking about the darkness he carries in his flesh. The darkness he foolishly let inside and made everyone suffer from it.

He _truly_ is rotten to the core.

“Why?” he croaks out, broken.

“Because Heaven _is_ corrupt and that needs to be addressed. Because I fight for a good cause. Heaven can’t continue existing the way it is now.”

“But why me?! Why did you have to make me… make me…” Oh God, he can’t even bring himself to say it.

He doesn’t need to.

“Tainted?” Ornias supplies with a devilish grin. “I knew you would be the one. It has been written, just like I told all my followers. It was not a lie. You were destined to do this, Kieren.”

“No!”

“Yes, you were. Two millennia ago I had a revelation. It came to me in the middle of the night, the knowledge sinking into me with the same certainty that the sun would be setting every night. _‘A pure-hearted angel will bring about the reshaping of the Sacred Land of Heaven.’_ I knew it right away what it meant. I was _preparing_ for it. And when Dantalion came to tell me about you…”

“That couldn’t have been a true prophecy,” Kieren objects. “They are called ‘divine revelation’ for a reason. Demons can’t-”

“You forget that I was once an angel. Part of me still is… always will be.”

He steps forward, coming closer to Kieren. The guardian backs off immediately, trying to put some distance between them, but his back slams into invisible barriers. In the next moment, his arms are forced to spread out like he was on a crucifix, glowing manacles popping into existence on his wrists and ankles. A collar weighs heavily around his throat, making it hard to breathe. The bright violet light of it makes Kieren’s eyes water.

Ornias lowers his sceptre that he’s been pointing at Kieren, crosses the distance between them and brushes his fingers over the guardian’s cheeks. His touch is ice cold and revolting. Kieren bites his tongue as he tries to jerk away from him.

“Well you got what you wanted,” he hisses. “What more do you want from me?!”

“Oh, the falling of the Third Sphere was just the beginning. What I have been waiting and fighting for is starting tonight.”

“And what would that be?”

Dark eyes narrow at him. Ornias grabs Kieren’s chin and pulls him up… and his touch is suddenly cracking with electricity.

It _hurts._ Kieren is taken aback by the sudden jolts of burning, stabbing pain that cascades over his body, and he can’t help but shudder and cry out. By the time Ornias releases him, his face is numb and pulsing hotly.

“Talk to me with the respect I deserve. I do not tolerate cheekiness.” His eyes dart to the side, toward the other Fallen. “Isn’t that right, Simon?”

Ornias slowly heads toward the restrained angels. Kieren pulls at glowing manacles, straining to look over his shoulders to his friends. More than anything, he fears for _their_ lives.

The demon doesn’t threaten them, though, at least not right away. He just flicks his fingers… and Amy gasps loudly, pulling air into her lungs like she couldn’t breathe properly before.

“Easy,” the Watcher says, the corners up his mouth curling up. When Amy snarls at him, he clicks his tongue. “You are more of a beast by now than an angel.”

Amy spits on him.

The smirk freezes on Ornias’ face. He wipes his robes… and slaps Amy with so much force her neck gives a sickening crack as her head is whipped to the side.

“Amy!” Kieren cries, petrified.

Ornias pays him no mind. At his gesture, his servant steps away and with a flash of light, Amy is chained with the same glowing manacles as Kieren is. She pulls at the chains around her wrists, but raises her head to meet Ornias’ eyes.

“You’re a sicko,” she spits, eyes promising murder. Kieren has never seen such an expression on her face. “You’re disgusting and I’m ashamed I have ever considered myself your follower. Do you know how much suffering you have caused? What did you hope to achieve by doing this to us?!”

“You, pesky little guardian cannot begin to understand. I must observe the greater picture – we all should. There are only a chosen few who are noble enough to be able to look past the present and focus fully on the glorious future.” His eyes dart toward Simon. “Simon, my child. I know you must feel betrayed right now. I know you are confused. But _listen to me._ Understand why we have to do this. I know you can understand.”

Simon is shaking. His pupil are tiny dots in the wide pools of his eyes, his lips trembling leaves. He doesn’t seem to be fighting his captor’s hold; he barely holds himself together.

“Now that the entire Third Sphere is on Earth,” Ornias says in a louder voice, clearly meant for Kieren even though he addresses Simon, “the Second and First Sphere have lost its first shield. What I need these Fallen Ones for is to fall even further. All the way into the Underworld.”

 _He wants to turn us into demons,_ Kieren mind screams in understanding. _He wants us all to fall completely!_

“It would be a blessing for all of you. Now you are all trapped in this middle ground – not angels, not humans, not even underworld creatures. But that could change. It is not the terrible fate you all fear. Being reborn under hellfire gives you a new purpose, a new understanding of life. You would become strong, even stronger than before.”

He turns back to Simon and raises his hand, brushing one fingertip across his neck. Simon flinches at the touch.

“Julian, show him,” the Watcher orders then.

Simon’s captor straightens up and reveals a pair of enormous wings. They are the same as Ornias’ – shiny black membrane wings.

“Julian has lost his wings, too, Simon. You knew that already. Not the same way as you... he wasn’t robbed of them cruelly like you. But the falling damaged him greatly. Now that he has been reborn in Hell, however… he is more powerful than ever. His wings have never been stronger.”

“I need strong beings to help me,” Ornias continues in a firmer voice. “With 140 000 new demons of Hell by my side, we could fly up to Heaven and breach the walls of the other Spheres, bringing justice back into those lands.”

“You want _justice?_ ” Kieren barks out with an unamused laugh. He doesn’t know why he does it. He’s scared shitless, as Jem would say. “You think we’re going to fall for that?”

Ornias turns back to glare daggers at him. “It is but the truth. I am fully aware of how corrupt the Second Sphere has become. And the Firsts don’t concern themselves with anyone but God. Is this how Heaven is supposed to be? Is this wherefore I was cast out?!”

“Lucifer has always wanted to conquer the Sacred Lands for himself. I do not. I merely want to destroy the corruption and restore balance. With all the Fallen behind me, we can travel to the First Plane and breach the walls of the Second. I was a Cherub once – I can take us all the way in. Then, we will destroy every false angel… and create an agreement with the rest.”

“You can’t honestly believe any angel would willingly enter into an alliance with demons!”

“When did I mention anything about willingness?” Ornias’ eyes are ice cold as they bore into Kieren. He feels a chill running up along his spine. “Do not mistake my noble goals for compassion, Kieren. My priorities do not lie with Heaven.”

“So that’s your great plan?” Amy chimes in, her voice rough and raw. “Make us all fall to Hell and turn into demons? And you tried so hard to warn us not to feed on good dreams or, God forbid, life force…”

“Oh, I had to. I couldn’t risk any of you finding out about my true plans before it was time. I only encouraged nightmare-feeding because I hoped that some of you would be unable to resist the temptation and take the rest by yourself… and I was right! I have already gained demon followers this way.”

He smiles at his servants, but there is nothing warm in the gesture.

“But I had to be careful,” he continues. “Unfortunately, the high-class celestials have gradually realised what I was playing at, even though they do not know about my identity. They realised my goal was to make every Third fall to Hell, and so they started coming after you. They figured that killing you all is preferable to having any number of you reborn as a demon.”

Kieren can’t hold back his gasp. His body goes limp as this new piece of information sinks in.

Oh Lord, Gary was right. Maxime was right. They were murdering the Fallen so as to not let the Watcher get to them. They decided they couldn’t let them stay alive.

And it was all his fault.

“But there is a big fault in that great plan of yours, smartass,” Kieren hears Amy say. “We are _never_ going to follow you. You can’t force us all into taking good dreams and feeding on the life force of humans. Without that, we aren’t falling lower, and if we aren’t hell spawns, we don’t sympathise with your goals. And the moment this barrier breaks away and your true colours are revealed to the others, everybody will leave you.”

“Ah. But you see, I don’t need to pressure you into anything. I knew that once I had the First Fallen to myself, that wouldn’t be a problem.”

Kieren glances up to see Ornias’ eyes back on him. A mad gleam swirls in the dark pools, a chilling smirk spreading out on his face. He looks victorious – and the implications make Kieren’s stomach churn.

“I already told you, Kieren. You are the Key to all. You are connected to every Fallen. So if I can make _you_ fall down to Hell… the rest follows you.”

No. Oh no.

“Don’t you dare do that to Kieren!” Amy shrieks. She starts thrashing in the manacles again, snarling and growling ferociously. “Don’t you dare-!” Her voice turns into a bone-chilling scream as the Watcher grabs her face.

“I can cause immense pain with just a touch of my fingertips,” Ornias hisses at her. “Don’t make me overuse it.”

Amy screams and screams, and Kieren almost starts weeping from the horrible sound of it. He shouts at Ornias to let her go, to not hurt her… but the demon only lets her go when Simon starts shifting wildly too.

Amy’s head falls forward limply but Ornias doesn’t seem to care about her anymore. He leans down to Simon instead, putting his hands on his shoulders with startling gentleness.

Simon gasps loudly as the muting charm falls from him… as well as the manacles. Yet he doesn’t move. He just drops to the ground like a lifeless doll, bracing himself on his palms.

“Simon… you are so perfect,” Ornias whispers at him, his voice once again soothing and silky. “So ready to follow orders. I know you see more than any other of my followers; that you can look at my goals objectively. I have not lied to you. You _know_ that Heaven needs to be reshaped. If you stay by my side willingly, I can raise you higher than ever. You could be my second-in command, like Julian and Zoe.”

Simon stares up at Ornias, eyes in fever. He jerks away from his touch.

“I know who took your wings,” the demon says suddenly. “The Dominion John, right? I know him well. We had been friends, once, while I was still in Heaven’s service. We had a fall out after a disagreement about how Heaven should be led. The disagreement eventually grew so heated I was cast out because of my ‘extremist views’… But tell me, Simon. Is what he’s doing any better? Was I not right?”

“But… we weren’t…” Simon doesn’t sound anything like himself. He’s wheezing, he’s short of breath, and he’s shuddering so violently it’s obvious that his world is crumbling on itself. “We weren’t… to kill. Justice…”

“This _is_ justice, child. But no justice can be reached without making certain sacrifices.”

Ornias straightens up and then turns back to Kieren. He starts walking back to him and Kieren feels so small, so powerless. He is afraid of the closing distance between them, he’s afraid of what Ornias is about to do to him… and most of all, he’s afraid of not being able to do anything to prevent it.

“Julian. Zoe,” Ornias says, addressing his followers, but not turning back to look at them. “Go outside and wait with the rest of the Fallen. Tell them the ritual will be done shortly. I don’t want them to get impatient when we are so close to the rebirth of the Third Sphere.”

Kieren can’t see them but a whisking sound and brief flash of light tells him that the other two demons have obeyed.

Ornias finally reaches him. He leans close, until their heads are just a few inches away.

“Do not fear, Kieren. This kind of falling won’t hurt you half as much as it hurt to crash on Earth.”

“I don’t. I won’t. L-leave me alone!” He can barely force the words through his gritted teeth.

All the strength evaporates from him the moment Ornias reaches into the folds of his cloak and takes out a brightly glowing orb. When he cracks it, the glittering matter whisks into the air, and he brushes his hand over it lightly, twisting it around his fingers.

Its brilliant colour gives off warmth as it pulsates softly like a tiny fluttering heart.

Kieren knows what it is.

“NO!” he shouts, twisting his head away and pulling on his chains. The manacles burn hot on his skin. “I won’t-”

“Oh you will, alright.” Ornias grabs his face and makes him turn back. “You do not have a choice in this, I’m afraid. Rest assured that when you wake up, you will think differently. After we put Heaven back in order, maybe you will even thank me.”

With that, he forces Kieren’s mouth open and pushes the swirling life force into him.

Amy’s scream is nothing compared to the shrieking in his own mind. He feels sick – this is a life force, the spiritual core of an _actual human being_. If he feeds on it, it will be lost to the human forever. Kieren will become a murderer… and then something even worse.

He tries to spit it out, but Ornias presses his hand against Kieren’s mouth. The touch is a jolt of electricity, oh god, it hurts, it _hurts…_

“Swallow!” the demon commands.

The collar grows impossibly hot around his neck; Kieren cries out and squeezes his eyes, but as he thrashes, he can’t help but swallow.

The life force burns his throat as it goes down, but warms him up. It’s sweet and beautiful; a softly fluttering ball of happiness, a ray of pure sunlight. Kieren feels better already. He wants to savour the feeling, pull it into every inch of his body so he doesn’t have to hurt anymore, so he doesn’t have to be scared anymore.

It’s overwhelming, this pleasure. His body is coming alive, waking up. It’s just… so… warm…

Kieren sinks deeper and deeper into his consciousness, chasing the wonderful sensation. He follows the trail of tingling pleasure and power, wanting more of it. Finally, he reaches the utmost core of himself. The human spirit swirls there around his darkened core, fluttering like a frightened little bird.

_Frightened…_

Kieren goes closer and examines it. It feels so familiar, like it has been part of him for a long time. It fits so perfectly with him…

The spirit recoils from him, scared, but at the same time it seems drawn to him. When Kieren stops basking in its light for a second and just _watches_ it, he is suddenly in possession of the answer.

The ice-cold shock of realisation snaps him out of his inner world.

Kieren gasps and shudders, opening his eyes to stare unseeing at Ornias’ robes.

“Jem…”

He can feel her inside. Her warm pulse and flickering life are like a beacon for Kieren to sink his teeth into, to take her and feed on her, making that light a part of himself. He has to bite down on his lips, trying to distract himself with pain.

“Oh, you still haven’t consumed her?” he hears Ornias drawl. Kieren can’t make himself lift his head to look at him. “Don’t fight it. I know the girl has special significance to you. Simon told me.”

Kieren hears a broken sound. He thinks it's Simon.

“I knew that her life energy would be the best suited for you.” The demon touches Kieren’s shoulder, scrapes softly at the skin with his nails, making him shiver. “Once you feed on her, you probably don’t even need more to fall. Although, in case you do, I have several more prepared for you.”

“I… won’t…” He can’t even speak properly. The tempting light inside is too distracting. “I won’t… h-hurt…”

“KIEREN! KIEREN, BE STRONG!”

Amy’s voice penetrates the fog in his mind. He can hear her pulling at her own manacles, shouting for him. Kieren gathers his strength and glances back.

Ornias is already marching toward her with all the fury of Hell in his movements. Amy… and Simon… they look _worse._ Their skin is darker, lips more cracked... Amy’s wings have turned a dark shade of grey, and are flapping violently. Kieren wonders if it’s because of how he almost took Jem’s life force without realising who it was.

So it’s true. If he fails and gives in, not only he will fall, but everyone else as well…

He shuts his eyes, reaches back into his inner place and tries to get ahold of Jem, just long enough so he can push her out. Maybe there is a way to…

As soon as he touches the spirit, blinding energy bursts in him, so hot and overwhelming… and he wants more, he wants this feeling to last forever, he wants to-

Kieren recoils, tears his mental hands away and comes back out.

 _DAMN IT!_ he swears in desperation. _There must be something I can do!_

Screams tear into the air. Kieren can only imagine that Ornias must be torturing Amy again with his touch. He wants to yell at him to stop, to let his friends go… but there are no words left in his mouth. His vocal chords are throbbing and he fears what would come out if he so much as opened his mouth. It takes all of his concentration not to just give in and take Jem’s life force for himself.

 _But why aren’t you doing anything, Simon? How can you let this happen? Or are you so much overwhelmed with panic that you can’t even pull yourself together?_ Kieren knows that the Principality has been deeply traumatised by what happened to him. And he had such a strong, blind faith in the Watcher… now everything fell apart right before his eyes, and yes, it can be too much – but he has to do something, or else Amy…

The screams die down. Either Amy has lost consciousness or the demon stopped.

Kieren’s ears still ring from it, though.

When Ornias is back in front of him, the guardian strains to look up. The face of the demon is nowhere near calm by now: he looks _furious._

“Still fighting it, Kieren?” he spits. “I must confess, I have never thought you would be so persistent in resisting. You force my hand. Perhaps… perhaps if your life depended on it…”

His eyes take on a new, malicious light. He slowly moves past Kieren, walking up behind his back. When Kieren suddenly feels the cold touch of his fingers on the trembling remains of his wings, his body locks down and he forgets to breathe altogether.

“Perhaps if that life force was the only thing to relieve your pain… you wouldn’t be so hard-headed.”

Ornias spreads out his wing-chunks and with the jolt of pain that shoots into his shoulder-blades, Kieren shudders violently.

“NO!”

The scream doesn’t come from him.

It’s Simon.

“DON’T TAKE HIS WINGS!”

“Be silent, Simon,” Ornias drawls. He plucks a scorched feather out and flicks it to the ground nonchalantly. “I will get back to you in a moment.”

The sheer force of the terror that descends on Kieren is blinding. He can’t hear anything over his ragged breathing, the mad pulse drumming in his ears, and the only thought left in his mind is _no no no NO not my wings don’t take my wings NO NO **NO-**_  For a second, he can’t even feel the tempting warmth of Jem’s energy in him.

Kieren thrashes in despair, in panic. He tries to pull the glamour back around himself, hiding his wings from view, but he can’t – the manacles must have some kind of magic cast on them to prevent it. He is frightened and sick when Ornias strokes his left wing-chunk… he screams without sounds when the demon stands back and he hears the noise of a blade being conjured up…

And then the sword comes clashing down.

A slice of flesh is not what he feels. A stab in his back is not what he feels.

He feels something heavy crashing against his back, and two strong arms clasping tight around his waist. Heavy breathing that falls hot and ragged on his neck.

But there is the sickening noise of blade sinking into flesh, and Kieren feels the sharp tip of it digging into his back. A pained whimper.

“Foolish child.”

Ornias sounds regretful as he yanks the swords back. Simon’s hold tightens around Kieren as he whimpers again.

“You could have been so great. Was it worth it, throwing it away for this pest?”

Simon crumples to the ground at Kieren’s feet.

Everything comes to a stop when Kieren sees the deep wound on his chest. _Oh, Simon…!_

The Principality has not yet lost consciousness, but his face twists in agony as he shifts to press his hands against the wound. He strains to look up, to look at Kieren, and there is so much horror and regret in his gaze that it hits Kieren with the force of a supernova.

 _Sorry,_ Simon mouths at him. _Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…_

Ornias yanks Kieren’s head back up by the hair. “See what you have done? If you had just stopped fighting it, Simon could have been raised to greatness by my side.”

The world is blurry. Kieren wonders if he’s crying.

“Now, where was I? Ah, yes.” With that, Ornias raises his sword again… and this time, he doesn’t miss his target.

‘The worst pain he has ever felt’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. This is what being flayed alive, or burning away in the flames of Hell, or getting chopped to pieces must be like… except it happens to the most important part of his body – already sore and hurting in the first place – and when the right wing separates from his body with a sickening noise, a part of Kieren’s entire being is ripped away.

He screams until his throat is raw, until it feels like it’s bleeding from the inside… and then he screams more.

Ornias digs the tip of the sword under the stump of bone and gouges it out. Kieren jerks so violently that one of his wrists gives a horrible crunch under the manacles.

“One down.”

The demon’s voice comes from far, far away. Kieren can barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.

“How do you feel? Do I need to relieve you of the other, too?”

Kieren’s entire being pulses hot in agony. He feels terribly unbalanced, the right side of his body numb and aching. The pain is so vivid it makes stars dance in front of his eyes.

The only reason he doesn’t pass out is the buzzing sensation of warmth swirling deep inside his consciousness.

Kieren wants to sink into himself, curl up around the heat of it and let it soothe his pain. It’s pure energy, he knows it – it could make this agony go away. It could give him the strength to endure…

But it’s _Jem._

Kieren wheezes and sobs, head falling down, hair sticking to his sweat-slick forehead. He sobs – but refuses to go near Jem’s life force.

Ornias grips the other wing-chunk tight and spreads it out roughly, the disfigured bones twitching helplessly under his fingers. More blackened feathers fall to the ground beside them.

“Alright. If this is how you want it…”

He cuts the other wing, too. Then, he gouges out the remnants.

Kieren can feel the deep, gaping wounds on either side of his spine. He’s paralysed from the shock of this overwhelming torture, but can feel the open wounds where his wings should emerge from his flesh all too vividly. He can’t hold back his cries even though his throat is so raw it feels like peeling off.

His magic is gone, completely. There is not an ounce of power left in him, and he suffocates from the sudden lack of it. He had never realised how much of it he was still in possession of – enough to keep the Walker parents under his charm, enough to keep his glamour on all the time… But now it’s all gone. There is nothing but a gaping black hole inside his chest and the excruciating pain thundering over every part of his being.

And Jem.

“Don’t try to save her.” Ornias grabs Kieren’s hair again and pulls at it until they are facing each other. “Save yourself. Let yourself enter oblivion by consuming the girl, and all this pain will be gone.”

He wants to do it. God, does he want to. All that energy could make the pain stop, could give him back his strength. He trembles from how much he wants it.

But it’s a _life force –_ it’s _Jem!_ If he turns to it, if he feeds on it, it can never be returned to Jem. She will _die._

“You are hungry for it, aren’t you? Just taste it. Her pure soul will be delicious, I can promise you that. And you will feel so… much… better."

Kieren can’t help it: he grazes himself against that beaming glittering light. Warmth floods his insides just from that mere touch, the pain recedes and the horrible gaping sensation dims to the background.

How much it could help then if he _really_ took all that energy to himse-

“NO!”

Kieren twists away from Ornias’ touch, not caring that strands of hair are being torn from his skull, and snarls at the demon, “I’m NOT going to hurt Jem!”

He can see his face reflecting in the Watcher’s eyes: his skin now dark grey, his lips almost black… but there is resistance written over his features, a flame of stubbornness that hasn’t died yet.

He has not fallen too far yet.

Ornias snarls right back at him. “DON’T. FIGHT. IT!”

He grabs Kieren's neck above the collar and squeezes it, his fingers digging deep into the flesh. Kieren chokes, but then starts gasping and thrashing as the demon turns the torture of his touch on him. Liquid fire floods his body, spreading from the contact points; the sensation sets his insides aflame. The only time Kieren has ever felt like burning was when he was falling from Heaven. This is very similar to that.

“DO NOT INFURIATE ME, BRAT,” Ornias spits at him. His huge wings spread out, dark and menacing, bathing Kieren in shadows. “MAKE HER ONE WITH YOU!”

“I-I won’t.”

The iron grip around his neck intensifies. “CONSUME HER!”

“I won’t!”

Ornias growls. It is not a sound made by man, nor by angel or demon. It’s the furious growl of a lion, wild and bone-chilling. The Watcher’s face twists into that of an animal, his hands turning into paws.

Kieren cries out when sharp claws dig into the abused skin of his neck, slashing deep cuts into it. With the demon shifting his forms, the manacles disappear, and Kieren falls into the ground with a loud thump.

The lion slashes over his chest and lets out a powerful roar that washes over Kieren like ice-cold water, reverberating long in his body.

The new wounds bring new waves of torturing pain. Kieren sobs from it, thrashes and shudders violently on the ground. He can’t feel the grass on his face, can’t feel the scent of the earth. He is screaming – not just with his bleeding throat, but with entire body and spirit alike.

He reaches for Jem.

He recoils back.

He reaches for her again, wanting the soothing comfort of her energy.

He stops himself just shy of touching the light.

 _Dammit!_ He can’t touch her, he can’t take her… she will be gone forever, and he will fall, and so will everyone else… 140 000 newborn demons just for Ornias to command…

“Kie… ren…”

He forces his eyes open, turning toward the broken whisper of a voice. Through his blurry vision, he can make out Simon lying close to him on the ground. He sounds just as tortured as Kieren feels.

Simon had his wings cut out the same way, he recalls. He suffered the same. And he got through it. Although, he didn’t have to deal with a pure swirling mass of life force gleaming so warm and inviting in him…

Kieren bites down on his tongue to stop himself from reaching for the energy.

Suddenly, he hears Amy’s cries again. He turns his head to the side and sees Amy crumpled on the floor, the dark lion biting into her arm in frustration while the other arm lies limp by her side.

Fuck. Fuck!

He wails, eyes burning so much he wouldn’t be surprised if he could never regain his eyesight again. _What do I do? Help me, Lord! I don’t know what to do!_

The rustling of wings must be all in his mind. He’s lost his wings, after all. No… he was _robbed_ of them. Even if he miraculously manages to get out of this situation and not cause the falling of an entire Sphere again _,_ he will never be able to return to the sky. He will never fly again.

But then again, Simon has been living with this knowledge for the past three years. If he could pull it off and gather himself together, then so can Kieren.

If only he wasn’t in SO MUCH pain!

Kieren sobs when he hears the sound of rustling wings hit his ears again. He would write it off as his imagination as he loses fighting spirit… except, he hears a soft, soothing voice in his head.

:: _Little brother._ ::

The echo of it cascades over him like a gentle breeze. He’s been scraping at the dirty ground so hard his nails have started to peel off, but at the sound of the voice Kieren stills completely.

:: _Little brother, I am so sorry. If I had realised sooner who we are against…_ ::

There is a small, hard touch on his cheek. It’s sort of familiar. Like the poke of a beak.

Feathers caress his face, soft and brown, carrying the scent of fresh air. Kieren leans toward it, weeps from how good it feels, and forces his eyes open to gaze at his side.

The skylark sits on his right shoulder, watching him with sad brown eyes.

:: _Let me in, Kieren. I can help._ ::

He shouldn’t. He’s out of his mind, and he already trusted the wrong people more than enough. But at this point, Kieren knows that there is no choice for him. He’s losing… and he can’t afford that. He can’t afford failing – too much is at stake.

So placing all his trust in whatever entity has approached him, Kieren lets his mind fall wide open.

Light and heat bursts inside him with so much force that it should make him pass out from pain, but it doesn’t. If anything, the light soothes him. It reaches every part of his being, filling him up with the sweet scent of springtime flowers, the warmth of a sunny day, the caress of an autumn breeze. He stops shuddering and thrashing on the ground and just lies there as the healing light fills him up to the brim.

It curls deep into him, finds his rotten core and swallows it up. After a second, something bursts in him again… and Kieren knows without doubt that the disease is gone.

Underneath all that blinding glow, he spots Jem’s fluttering life force. Not afraid now of hurting her, Kieren gently cradles her up and buries her in the deepest part of his spirit, out of reach, safe within the remaining shreds of himself.

Millions of sensations wash over him. He is raw and new, untouched and pure. It’s a rebirth, he realises – and it’s frightening and calming all at once. With his head feeling like it was pushed under water, he is only dimly aware of the way his body is changing but it feels safe and welcomed. His nerve endings cry in joy as they lose their numbness and can feel the chill of the air once again. And his back…

His back is moving, shifting, _transforming._ Bones move under the skin as the gaping wounds on the sides of his spine close up, then something pushes through the flesh – so gently he can barely feel it. There is a pressure building up, a strange tightness… and then all he can feel is the weight of freedom on his back, the kiss of the wind on his feathers.

Feathers…

The sound of his wings spreading out is the most beautiful music he has ever heard. Kieren’s laugh echoes in his mind because the wings are there, they are _back –_ and they’re huge and healthy and oh Lord, they still don’t stop growing!

Something, however, is not quite right. Everything is in place, yet he doesn’t feel balanced. He flaps with his wings… and when he realises what it is that feels so strange to him, he is stunned speechless.

It’s not just one pair of wings.

He’s got _three._

There is a consciousness with him; someone who’s made of pure white light, nudging him.

:: _Let me deal with him. I can help you and your friends._ ::

Kieren instinctively trusts him. He doesn’t know why, but it feels like he knows him. So he retreats, allowing the entity take control.

He becomes a quiet observer in his own body.

Kieren stands up with slow, graceful movements that are not his own, raises his head high and spreads his wings into six different directions.

Upon hearing a startled gasp, he looks down. Simon is still lying on the ground, clutching at the wound in the middle of his chest, but he’s straining his neck to be able to look up at Kieren. His eyes are impossibly wide.

Kieren turns away from him without saying a word and walks until he reaches the border of the demon barrier. On the violet of its shiny walls, he can see the reflection of his own figure… and the sight stuns him.

There is no emotion on his face; the way he holds himself is entirely unfamiliar. His eye sockets are emitting white light as if his eyes have been replaced with miniature stars, but his vision is still perfect. He can see the lark perched on his shoulder, just as glowing as he is. There is not a wound on him, and the skin is no longer grey and ghastly. Silvery rays of blinding light are emanating from every inch of his body – all six of his enormous wings included.

Kieren’s mental mouth falls open, but his real face doesn’t even flinch. He watches in shock as the entity raises Kieren’s arm and touches it to the wall of the barrier.

It cracks instantly – and then the entire barrier shatters into tiny little fragments. Within seconds, it dissolves into nothing.

A dozen eyes fell on him. Nothing but the faint glow of the moon and the stars should be visible in the darkness of the night, but Kieren’s light is like a beacon in the dark. It falls on the faces of all the other angels on the field, the wounded figures or Simon and Amy, the once again human-shaped demon who stands in the middle of it. The two other demons are nowhere to be seen.

Gasps, shouts and whispers erupt around Kieren but he pays them no mind. He locks eyes with Ornias.

The demon is staring at him with disbelief written all over his features.

“Y-you… what in hell…”

 **“Finally, you have revealed yourself, Victor.”** It’s Kieren’s mouth that’s working and it’s definitely his voice – but it sounds nothing like him. **“You have angered our Father.”**

Ornias’ face bleaches. His jaw drops, and when Kieren starts walking toward him, he backs off. Raises his arms in front of himself. Tries to make himself appear smaller.

 _He’s afraid,_ Kieren realises.

“You can’t be here,” the demon shrieks in terror. “Even the Seraphim don’t-”

**“The Seraphim do not keep tabs on me. Nobody does. I have been on Earth for a while. Waiting for you to show yourself. Guarding the First.”**

“I didn’t-”

 **“I know what you did. I know what you wanted. It is not happening, Victor.”** Kieren slowly tilts his head to the side. **“Or should I call you Ornias? You have been wearing that name long enough.”**

He stops in front of the demon who falls to his knees. Nobody has ever looked at Kieren with so much fear.

“I won’t do it, I swear. I’ll back off, call back the other demons… I’ll keep myself scarce in Hell. Just-”

**“There is no need. You have caused great grievance. Father’s mercy does not extend to you and your kind.”**

Kieren reaches down to touch the demon’s shoulders.

**“I can tell you one thing, however: you were right. This pure hearted angel _is_ going to bring about the reshaping of Heaven. But you are not going to be there to see it.”**

Ornias grabs his wrist with inhuman force, snarling and cursing… but nothing happens. His eyes widen, terror consuming his expression.

**“You cannot harm me.”**

He, however, can apparently hurt Ornias.

The demon screams. His face twists and shifts until it suddenly belongs to a lion. Holy flames erupt from his shoulders, burning the head down. When it’s done, there’s another head in its place – an ox. It bellows pitifully, scratching at the ground with still human fingers, but after a moment or so, it burns away just like its predecessor. The last of the fallen Cherub’s faces, the eagle, meets the same fate.

When it’s done, the headless body falls to the ground with a soft thump. Two pairs of black membrane wings are burnt into the grass by the body.

Kieren lowers his arm and straightens up. As the echoes of the demon’s screams die out, dead silence falls onto the field.

Nobody so much as dares to take a breath while Kieren goes to his knees next to Amy and gently touches her forehead. For a second, nothing happens… but then she opens her eyes with a gasp and shudders.

Kieren waits still as she coughs. When she has finally caught her breath she looks up, only for her eyes to go huge at the sight of Kieren.

**“Do not fear me, Amy.”**

“Y-you are not Kieren,” she stutters. “Who are you? What have you done to him?”

**“Kieren is safe with me. I will leave him soon.”**

“But-”

 **“Amy.”** The guardian angel falls silent when Kieren touches her forehead once again, drawing a small cross onto the skin with his thumb. **“Your bravery, joy and genuine love of life is what we need more of in the Sacred Lands.”**

Soft white light swallows Amy’s form. Kieren wants to see what’s happening to her, but the consciousness within him makes them stand up and turn around… walking back to Simon.

 _Can you heal him? Can you heal Simon, too?_ Kieren urges, his eyes glued to the worryingly still form lying alone on the ground. _He’s been stabbed with an angel sword, he’s…_

:: _I know. You need not worry. Our Father still has great plans for him._ ::

_God does?_

Simon’s not unconscious; his eyes crack open when Kieren kneels beside him. He gasps softly at Kieren’s touch, and groans a bit as his wound closes and heals without a trace.

Then, he pushes himself up to his elbows. He still seems terribly weak, he’s trembling and breathing unevenly, but stares at Kieren’s light-emitting form and the lark sitting on his shoulders as he would stare at God himself.

“Are you a… Seraph?” he asks dazedly, his voice rough. “Do the Firsts care about us, after all?”

A soft chuckle. **“No, brother. I am no angel. But I can assure you; they _care.”_**

He reaches up and draws the same cross onto Simon’s forehead as he did with Amy. As light wraps around the Principality like a thick blanket, Kieren looks into himself and floats closer to the consciousness, studying him.

The warm light-being meets him readily.

_Who are you?_

_:: Ah. You do not remember me. ::_ The other one sounds regretful. _:: We were friends, once. Two millennia ago… while you were still living your mortal life. ::_

_What?! How-_

:: _We will have a chance to talk another time. Now release the girl._ ::

_Jem?_

:: _Yes._ :: The stranger smiles. Or at least Kieren thinks it’s a smile. It feels like one. :: _You have hidden her so deep in yourself I feel hesitant to reach down for her._ ::

Kieren does as he says, descending to the core of himself, where Jem’s life force waits hidden and safe. Her pulsating light gets stronger when Kieren reaches for her, and she releases warmth as he pulls her up.

When they reach the stranger, he gently takes her…. and just pushes her out. In his physical hands, Kieren can feel a small orb materialising. He squeezes it tight.

_Will she be alright?_

:: _Yes. You have guarded her well. She will probably sleep for a few hours after you pour the life force back into her body, but she will recover completely._ ::

_Thank you!_

Kieren could weep from relief. He was so afraid for Jem… He was so afraid for _everyone…_

 _Thank you_ , he repeats, facing the other consciousness. It rolls around him curiously, emitting the same smile-like feeling as before. _I mean it. For everything. Without you… I don’t want to think about what could have happened._

 _:: Everything happened for a reason, Kieren. You, all of you, have suffered greatly. And the fight is not over. But you will have help and support from now on. ::_ The gleaming entity comes closer, almost wrapping around Kieren. It feels like… like a caress. A hug. _:: I am glad that I could be by your side in the past few years. We will be seeing each other again. ::_

There are a lot of things Kieren still wants to say to him, but he can’t. The consciousness leaves him… and suddenly he’s alone in his head. He hears a soft rustle as the bird spreads its wings and shoots up from his shoulder, flying away.

He’s slow to come back to himself, his mind dazed and disoriented. His vision is still a bit blurry from all that blinding light, even though he doesn’t seem to be glowing anymore. He can feel dirt under his fingertips, the soft brush of grass blades against his palm.

As his vision clears up, he sees millions of brilliant stars dotting the black canvas of the sky. He sees the pale moon peeking out from under a grey cloud.

Then, he sees a familiar face leaning over him. With a pair of huge wings spread out behind his back.

“Hey.” Simon’s hands come up to cradle Kieren’s face ever so gently. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”

Kieren stares up at him. At his beautiful, blue eyes.

Conjures a weak smile.

Then faints.

 


	4. Epilogue: Ascending with Grace

“So basically, you’re like a Pokemon that’s just evolved from level one straight to level nine?”

“I have absolutely no idea what that’s supposed to mean,” Kieren says with a sigh,” but assuming I have grasped the point… yes. I’m ‘level nine’.”

“Wow.” Jem lets out a small whistle as she leans back against the wall and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Cool.”

Kieren smiles at her. He was worried about how Jem would be feeling after the ordeal of the night, but she’s surprisingly like herself. They have been talking for hours, locked in Jem’s room, and she seems more and more relaxed. There are no words to describe the immense relief Kieren feels over this fact.

After coming back to himself, Kieren left Simon and Amy to deal with the rest of the Fallen and hurried back to the Walkers’ home with the orb containing Jem’s life force. He was so worried for her he didn’t even pay attention to the incredible feeling of soaring with three pair of wings. All the questions and doubts he had, he pushed into the back of his mind so he could focus solely in the most important task at hand: to give Jem back her life.

What he forgot to expect was the two older Walkers sitting in the living room at two in the morning, their faces ghastly pale, waiting up for him.

Kieren quickly draped a layer of glamour around his body to hide his wings from view, but he knew that something was up the moment he locked eyes with Sue - and all the colour promptly drained from her face. She looked like she might faint at any second.

But it was the fear in her eyes that made Kieren realise…

“Oh.” He took a tentative step back, gulping hard. “You remember.”

Or rather… they _forgot._ They forgot all the false memories Kieren had planted in their minds about having two kids in all their lives. They forgot the lies.

Of course. When Ornias had taken Kieren’s wings, he’d lost all of his remaining magic. He hadn’t realised that the charm he’d put on the Walker parents would disappear, too. Stupid of him.

Sue just stared at him, frightened, and despite her lips moving, she couldn’t utter a word. It was Steve who wrapped an arm around his wife and asked in a trembling voice, “Who are you? What have you done to us?”

Kieren wanted to explain everything to them. He wanted to assure them that they needn’t fear him. That he never wanted to cause them pain. That he… that he _loved_ them.

But there were more important things at hand.

“Jem’s life in danger.” The parents gasped, so he rushed on before they could say anything. “She’ll be okay now; I have her safe, but you have to let me go to her. Immediately.”

Steve stepped forward as if on instinct, half-blocking the way to upstairs.

“Please.” Kieren looked from one to the other, pleading now. “I’ll explain everything, I swear, but first I have to make sure that she’s okay. I would never hurt her. Please believe me. That wasn’t a lie.”

Steve stared at him for a long moment… and hesitantly backed off.

Kieren rushed up the stairs, tore the door open to Jem’s room and rushed to the girl lying eerily still on the bed.

Even after giving her back her life essence, Kieren had no way of knowing if she would truly be okay until she woke up. He just sat there beside her for hours, holding her hand and praying to God.

Jem was disoriented when she first opened her eyes around dawn, and she threw her arms around Kieren the moment she noticed him. She couldn’t remember the exact events of the night, but she could recall an angel coming for her, then a feeling of terror… and being inside Kieren.

“You were so warm,” she whispered. “But you were also angry. Hurt. Scared.”

It took some time for Kieren to explain everything to her.

Jem took it surprisingly well.

Now, hours later, she seems to be over the shock and is mostly back to herself. (And if she unconsciously seems to be searching for the comfort of pysical contact with Kieren more than usual, he lets it go without mention.)

Jem is really overly excited over her guardian’s ‘promotion’.

“You’ve become a big boss, Kier, and kicked the ass of a nasty bad guy. I’m so proud of you!”

She leans forward to gently punch Kieren’s shoulder, grinning at him. He shoots her a reprimanding look, but the effect is significantly lessened by the fact that he has a smile on his face, too.

“So?” she asks then. “When can I see them?”

“See what?”

“Your wings, duh! Your original wings were so huge in the first place… I just can’t picture how _six of them_ can fit on your skinny back. Won’t they get crushed?”

Now that she mentions it… Kieren shifts in the chair, trying to fold the wings more comfortably on each other. Not that Jem can see that.

“It’s more comfortable when I can spread them out a bit, but it’s not bad. And the wings aren’t fully on this plane, anyway, at least not in their true physical form. Still, it’s going to take some time for me to get used to them.” He raises them just a bit higher above his head, enjoying the soft breeze of air that runs over his face from the movement. “But … I’m sorry. I can’t let you see them.”

Jem seems crestfallen. “Why not?”

“The sight of a Seraph can make humans go blind. I won’t risk that.”

“Dammit. That’s too bad.”

Kieren shares the sentiment. Despite never being much of a bragger, he would have loved to show his little sister just how amazing his new wings are. They are strong and enormous and… perfect, really. Even though he could only really try them out for a short amount of time, flying has never felt so amazing before.

But he really can’t show them to Jem: he he’d been telling the truth. He may not be emitting blinding white light anymore like when he was connected to _Him_ , but glimpsing his true form would still be really dangerous to mortals. Maybe if he were to show just a shadow of them…

In any case, Kieren wears a glamour now, like he had done so in the past three years.

But it’s not the same.

Today marks the first time when the glamour has no weight on his heart. He’s not wearing it to hide his hideous appearance, to pose as someone he’s not or to give himself an escape from having to face his own reflection. No. He wears it because he wants to protect someone.

The magic wrapped around him is pulsing softly with warmth, feeding on the joy and love in Kieren’s heart. To Jem, he appears as he has always been before the Falling: a healthy-looking young man with strawberry-blond hair and warm brown eyes. The glamour is not a mask anymore – just a filter so he won’t accidentally hurt his ward.

He feels so light. Before today, he would have never thought that it could be like this.

There are lots of things Kieren had never expected to happen.

Getting promoted to a Seraph is certainly one of them.

He doesn’t think he deserves it; not at all. With all the mistakes he made? All the suffering he caused? And yet God must have plans for him if he decided to raise him all the way to the First Sphere.

Kieren really needs to muse and wonder more on this shocking change, but right now, he pushes it to the back of his mind. As soon as he notices the way Jem is biting down on her lower lip, glancing away, he knows that something is not right.

“What it is?” he asks, moving closer to the girl. She doesn’t answer, so he nudges her shoulder. “Jem?”

The way her eyes flicker up at Kieren is almost shy.

“Does this…” She trails off. Takes a deep breath. “I guess that means you’re not my guardian angel anymore, right? After all, you’re not even guardian now. I know the Seraphim are the ‘heavenly counsellors’ or something, but… what does that mean, exactly? What do you have to do?”

“First thing first, I have to check up on upstairs. See what has become of the Second and First Spheres. And… Well. Now I can be in the presence of the Lord. Maybe He will finally share His thoughts. Tell us about His plans. Heaven still needs to go a long way before it regains its former glory.”

Jem nods, but Kieren can see her fiddling with the hem of her pyjama shirt. She’s oozing tension.

So he touches her hand, prompting her to meet his eyes.

“But no matter what task God has for me,” he says with conviction, “I’m going to come back. Often. Like I’ve told you before.”

“You will? But you’re not my guardian anymore. And you’re a big gun now. You have higher priorities than babysitting a teen.”

“Yes. But I want to continue watching over you. I told you already, didn’t I? You’re not just my ward. You’re my sister.”

Jem rests her forehead on Kieren’s shoulder. “Yeah. You also said that the Firsts never leave their own realm.”

“And that no First of mortal origin has ever existed,” Kieren points out. He wraps an arm around Jem’s waist and pulls her close. “For whatever reason, I’m clearly an exception. So I _am_ going to make an exception with this, too, and come back to visit you as often as possible.”

There are no words to describe the relief that washes over Jem’s face. Despite the fact that she usually strictly maintains her cool attitude, she leans in and wraps Kieren in a tight embrace.

“Thank you.” Then, more quietly than a whisk of breeze, “I love you.”

Kieren smiles and bends down to press a small kiss onto Jem’s forehead. “I love you, too.”

They hug for a few more minutes, until Jem elbows him to get away, clearing her throat in embarrassment.

“Okay, stop right now before it gets even sappier.  Are you ready to talk to Mum and Dad?”

Kieren sighs. He knows he can’t escape the situation but he wouldn’t mind postponing it.

He doesn’t do that, however.

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go talk to them.”

He is a bundle of nerves as they leave Jem’s room and go downstairs to find her parents. He hasn’t forgotten the way Steve and Sue looked at him when he arrived at dawn, nor the shock and fear on their faces… but he knows he owes them an explanation, at the very least. He owes them the _truth._

They find them in the dining room: they are sitting at the table, sipping at coffee with haunted eyes, their postures screaming of exhaustion. Both of them stir when Jem makes their presence known with a small cough, and they stand up from the table as soon as they see their daughter.

Sue rushes to Jem instantly and wraps her in a tight hug. Then, she pulls back, cradles Jem’s cheeks with her hands and searches her face with a sea of worry swirling in her eyes.

“Are you alright?! We didn’t know… h-he said…”

“I’m fine, Mum,” Jem says, gently taking Sue’s hands off of her face. “I’m alright. Kier helped me.”

As if the name was a spell, Sue and Steve tense up. As they slowly turn toward Kieren, he – despite being a massively powerful Seraph – shifts uncomfortably under the heavy wright of their gazes. He can barely make himself meet their eyes.

“He was… We thought he was our…” Steve breaks off and clears his throat. When he next speaks, he addresses Jem like he was afraid of talking directly to Kieren. “How could he…?”

“I’m an angel.”

The parents freeze. Kieren raises his head high and makes himself meet their eyes straight. Sue’s mouth falls open and Steve looks like he wants to say something, but the words die on their lips as he takes in Kieren’s serious expression. His eyes dart toward Jem, as if waiting for her to snort or laugh… but she’s just as serious as Kieren is.

Using his magic to filter his true form, Kieren gives the Walkers a tiny, shadowy glimpse of his wings. The flash of it doesn’t last longer than a second, but it’s enough to have all three of them gasp in surprise. Even Jem turns to him with wide eyes.

“After what I have done to you, I don’t expect you to believe anything I say,” Kieren starts, swallowing around the tight lump in his throat, “and there are things that I can’t reveal to you. Even this much I shouldn’t say, but… you deserve this much. At the very least.”

The silence is so profound he can hear their heartbeats.

“I’ve known Jem all her life,” Kieren says with a new breath. “She’s my ward.”

“Ward…?”

“Kier’s my guardian angel.”

Jem surprises Kieren by speaking up and locking arms with him. He turns to her in question, but she just smiles and gives a tiny shake with her head, reassuring Kieren that she’s there, having his back.

He lets her take over the explanation.

“He revealed himself to me when I was six, but he’s been watching over me since I was born. He’s always been around to help me, to guide me. He’s… he’s like a big brother to me.”

Steve can’t seem to take his eyes off of Kieren, Sue’s eyes however are glued to Jem.

Good thing that Jem is there, a warm presence by his side. Kieren can’t begin to imagine how he’d be able to do this without her support.

“Three years ago, something bad happened,” she goes on. “He can’t really talk about it, but he got stuck on Earth, and I told him to stay with me. He had nowhere to go, after all! And I was worried for him. But… but the only way he could stay without being detected was by putting a charm on you. He didn’t want to. But I convinced him it was okay.” Jem chews on her lower lip as she look into Sue’s stricken face. “I’m sorry for it. I know it wasn’t fair to you… but Kier has never abused it, I swear! He didn’t do anything, just planted some extra memories to have you believe that he was your son. So he could be around without having to hide himself all the time.”

“But it wasn’t right. And I am truly sorry for abusing you this way.”

The shame Kieren feels is so strong he’s nearly sick with it. He fixes his gaze on Sue’s sweatshirt, not being able to bring himself to face her as he apologises.

“You… you and your husband have made me feel loved and welcomed, and while I know my magic is responsible for that… I came to love you and this family dearly.” Kieren gulps. He can feel Jem squeezing his hand. “I hope that one day you can forgive me.”

The Walkers seem to be stunned speechless.

Jem uses the silence to speak up again.

“Kier is okay now. Everything’s back to business and now he can go home. But! He’s gonna be back.”

There is a finality in her voice that - despite all the nervousness - makes Kieren smile. Jem finally doesn’t doubt his word. She believes in his promise.

“He’s gonna be back,” Jem repeats, "because he’s still my big brother. And Mum? Dad?  I need you to be okay with this.”

Sue and Steve stare at them, stunned.

Kieren clears his throat. “If you would rather I didn’t approach Jem again–”

“Kier!”

“… I would understand and respect your decision. But please know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that I love Jem, and I mean her no harm. And even if you wish me never to approach her again, I will never stop watching over her from afar.”

Sue takes a tentative step toward them. As she comes closer and closer, never taking her eyes off of him, something pulls tight at Kieren’s heart. He desperately wants Sue to _understand_ ; to see into his heart and understand how he cherishes the memories of the past few years he has spent with this family; how he wants nothing but the best for them… The only thing he can do is to meet Sue’s searching eyes and try to tell everything he can’t put into words with his expression.

When Sue stops just a few inches short of Kieren, she seem to be holding her breath, too.

Long moments tick by before she finally speaks on a fragile voice.

“I’m not sure what happened… or what is the truth… But if there’s one thing I know for sure, is that I don’t doubt your fondness of her.” She tilts her head and frowns a bit. “I… I _trust you_ , Kieren. I _know_ you. Is that… part of your magic, or…?”

“No,” he says quickly. He finds Steve’s gaze and holds that, too, to make sure that they both understand. “There is nothing of my magic left in you now. And as Jem said, I have only put in some extra memories depicting me as your son. Everything else… what you have felt, what you feel now… is your own. I swear.”

Sue turns back to lock eyes with her husband. A silent conversation seems to be going on between them, and Kieren fidgets, anxiously awaiting their verdict. He doesn’t feel like an angel in that moment – instead, he feels like a boy who has been caught doing something bad by his parents. If not for Jem’s warmth by his side, he might even turn around and leave rather than to face them and hear their verdict.

When Sue turns back to him, his breath catches in his throat.

“You can come back.”

Kieren blinks. And then blinks again.

Has she really just…?

“You can come back, any time. I… _We_ need to process this all, because I’m still not sure we’re not actually hallucinating… but I remember the past three years and I _know_ that you are someone I can trust. Even… love.” She seems surprised by her own admission. “But you can _never_ do this to us again, understood? And we are going to have a talk. A long one. When you next come back.”

Kieren’s throat feels so tight it hurts, his eyes are burning. He turns to Steve, wanting to hear it from him, too.

“What she said,” Steve says, gesturing to his wife. He seems really uncomfortable, like his world has just shifted under his feet. That’s… probably exactly how he feels. “Frankly, I’ve got no idea what to think right now, and my head is a mess… but I’m surprisingly sure of the fact that you’re no threat to any of us.”

His eyes flicker to Jem, something soft crossing over them. “You saved her, right?”

Kieren’s heart sinks into his stomach. He is ready  to admit that he was the reason she was in danger in the first place… but before he could open his mouth, Jem beats him to the answer.

“Yeah, he did. He saved me.”

Steve seems satisfied with the answer.

“Alright. I… Yeah. Alright.”

It’s his tentative offer of a smile that finally breaks Kieren.

Relief and gratitude make his heart swell so much it feels like his ribcage is not wide enough to contain it anymore. He wants to go and hug them both – Sue and Steve, these beautiful human beings he has come to love as much as he loves his ward – but he holds himself back and doesn’t move. He can’t do that... not yet. The Walkers are still confused, and as Sue said, they need time to properly process the revelations of today.

But maybe, with time… they will be able to ease back into the easy and trusting relationship they had before.

“Thank you.” Kieren’s voice is tight with emotions. “Thank you so much.”

Turning to his side, he finds Jem grinning happily at him. He pulls her into a tight hug, not caring that she puts on a mock fight against it. “Thanks, Jem.”

Her eyes are twinkling as she pulls back. “You’re leaving, then?”

“Yes. But I’ll be back soon.”

“It doesn’t have to be _that_ soon. I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“Right. Sometime next week then?”

Jem’s smile is as brilliant as the stars. “Deal.”

When Kieren turns back to Sue and Steve to excuse himself, he’s happy to see them smiling at them. For a second, it feels like nothing has changed at all – and that gives him hope that yes; everything will work out with time.

As he leaves the Walker house with three pair of eyes watching after him, Kieren thinks that he is leaving a part of himself behind, too. This time however, it’s not a loss.

Because that part of himself has found a new home.

__

 

Amy and Simon are already waiting for him on the other side of the road. Kieren makes himself invisible to mortal eyes as he approaches them and drops the glamour, letting his wings unfold and stretch out. It’s still quite weird to deal with six of them, but he’s slowly getting the hang of it.

It’s such a relief to see Amy as radiant and healthy as she has always been in the time Kieren has known her. The only difference is that now she gives off a much stronger aura than before, and she holds a sceptre in her hand that reaches up to her chest.

With the way she uses it to wave at Kieren in excitement, she really doesn’t give off the air of a Principality.

Simon, on the other hand… the moment Kieren turns his gaze toward him, he can’t look away.

Simon’s hair seems darker, and it shines in the sunlight; his skin is pale but not grey; his eyes the colour of the sky. It’s just like the old Fallen him Kieren had first met him as, yet different enough that he can’t help but stare and drink in the sight.

It’s not just his face, either. Kieren admires the pair of amazing wings – much bigger than Amy’s – tucked behind the other angel’s back. The snow white feathers rustle softly as the wings shift under Kieren’s gaze. Simon clears his throat and subtly tries to stop them from twitching.

He, too, holds a sceptre in his right hand. The end of it reaches almost above his head, and the glowing orb fastened to the top of it makes faint blue light glimmer here and there on his face.

Apparently, Amy and Simon are just as fascinated by Kieren’s appearance as he is by theirs. For long moments, they just stand there, staring at each other.

It’s Amy who finally breaks the strange moment by stepping forward to pull Kieren into a tight hug.

“You look _moregeous,_ Kieren!”

“Morgeous?”

“More than gorgeous. You know. _Moregeous!_ I’ve never seen a Seraph before but still… I can tell that you totally rock the look, sweetcheeks!”

“You’re not half bad yourself,” Kieren says with a small laugh. Turning to Simon, he adds, “You, too. How are the wings?”

The way Simon glances at him is almost sheepish. It’s kind of charming on him, though Kieren misses his old confidence. And he doesn’t really enjoy being the centre of anyone’s awe.

“They’re big,” Simon answers. “But I’ll get used to it. I… To be honest, I had lost faith that I would ever have them again. It’s kind of hard to believe I got them back.”

“Yeah.” Amy steps back so she can look Kieren in the eye. “What happened to us… is _amazing._ Kieren, what you’ve pulled there–”

“It wasn’t me,” he cuts in firmly. “At least, not only me. If He didn’t come to help us…”

He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence, but it’s not needed. His friends nod.

“Yeah, we know.” Amy glances up at the sky, watching a huge fluffy cloud float above their heads. “Who would’ve thought that He would show up here? I totally thought He hasn’t left God since ascending to Heaven two millennia ago.”

“Well, the situation was dire enough. I’m glad He decided it was worth coming down to Earth for. Without His help, we would be in a really huge trouble right now. All the Fallen…” Kieren abruptly trails off. “Oh, that’s right! What about the others? Are they alright?”

It’s Simon who answers. “Yes, they are. After you left with your ward’s spirit, we told them everything that happened behind the demon barrier. We told them about the Watcher’s true identity, as well as his real goal. They saw his true form with their own eyes, but the explanation helped. And…” With a bit of hesitancy, he looks into Kieren’s eyes. “They saw you, Kieren. And they know what you have done – before and now. Nobody said anything.”

Kieren drops his gaze. “That’s just because they’re afraid of me now.”

“No. Being promoted to a higher class did not change who you are. They just understand that if our Lord gave you such a gift, you must be worthy of it.”

Yeah. If only _he_ would feel worthy of it!

He smiles up at Simon, but the gesture is not as heartfelt as a moment before. “So you don’t think of me differently?”

Simon studies him for a while.

“No,” he says eventually. “If my view of you has changed in any way, it happened _before_ you were raised to the First Sphere. It happened when you fought so hard against succumbing to the pull of that life force, despite being severely hurt. I… I have never seen anyone do that before.” There is so much awe written on his features Kieren almost feels faint from it. “You’re incredible, Kieren.”

“I’m really not.”

They stare at each other as if there was not a soul left on Earth except the two of them.

Which is why Amy’s not so subtle cough nearly makes Kieren jump out of his bones.

“I sense that you guys need a... _private_ moment, so I’ll just go and quickly check on Philip now that I can finally sense him. Be back in a mo!” With that, she’s gone.

Simon shares a look with Kieren, but then drops his eyes to the ground.

Kieren is having none of it.

“What is it?”

With his wings twitching, Simon lets out a short huff of breath. “Are you really alright?”

“I am. I’ve already told you. Why?” Kieren has had enough of Simon’s strange behaviour. He closes the distance between them so there is only an inch or so between him and the other angel. When he reaches out to touch Simon’s wrist, the dark-haired man inhales deeply from the simple contact. “Are you worried for me?”

Simon blinks. His lips part, but it takes a few seconds until he finds his voice. “Of course I am. You–”

Kieren doesn’t wait for the rest. He goes up to his tiptoes and kisses him.

The gasp of breath against his mouth betrays Simon’s surprise. He even pulls back a bit… but when Kieren follows him without hesitation, pressing close and curling his fingers more surely around Simon’s wrist, he finally comes back and returns the kiss. It’s so hesitant that one could believe it to be their first, but after a couple of moments, Simon finally relaxes into it. After that, the kiss tastes of relief.

“I wasn’t sure you still wanted this,” Simon murmurs after they part.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Guilt washes over the other angel’s face. His warm eyes become tormented, like he’s relieving the events of last night, and Kieren is far too familiar with shame not to recognise that look.

“I made a promise to you that I won’t let any harm come to you. I promised you that nobody would hurt you… but I failed you. And not just in this.” Simon shuts his eyes. “You were in danger but I was… I did _nothing_. I was frozen. Torn between my belief and desires, and… it almost cost you your life, Kieren. And it _did_ cost you your wings.”

He glances at the six wings tucked behind Kieren, but hastily tears his eyes away as if the sight was causing him pain.

“Simon…”

“It’s my fault that you had to suffer through all that,” Simon goes on, not letting Kieren to interrupt. “And I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I was a fool. That demon played me, and I let it happen, and if He didn’t come to help, you could have… you could have…”

“Hey. Simon.” Kieren reaches up to cradle Simon’s face in his hands. The other angel is shaking, his fingers are twitching, and he holds the agony of Hell in his gaze. “Take a deep breath. Come on.”

He waits for him to obey, and doesn’t let his arms drop until Simon stops shaking so much. Then, he takes his hand instead, threading their fingers together.

It’s only when he has Simon’s full attention again that Kieren continues.

“In the end, you chose _me_ , didn’t you? You tried to protect me, which almost cost you your life. And I know how… traumatised you still are because of what that Dominion has done to you. So I don’t hold you responsible for that, okay?” Kieren squeezes Simon’s fingers gently. “And it’s not like I’ve never trusted the wrong person myself. That’s what got us all into this mess in the first place, remember? We’ve both made mistakes. But we have learnt from them. So I won’t hold it against you, okay?”

Simon watches him like he’s trying to see into the depth of his spirit. Although his face appears passive, Kieren can see the conflict and shame still curling beneath his expression. And his wings are raised too high, tucked in tightly – a sign of nervousness.

He doesn’t realise he’s been brushing small circles onto the back of Simon’s hand with his thumb until the man squeezes back.

“So,” Kieren asks, trying for a tentative smile. “Are we good?”

The relief and gratitude streaming from Simon’s gaze is almost palpable.

“Yeah,” he says. His lips finally curl up just the tiniest bit. “Yeah, we’re good.”

“Good.”

Kieren leans forward again.

After they finish kissing this time, he can see that the soft white feathers on Simon’s wings are all puffed up, speaking more of his joy than a thousand words ever could.

“Tell me about the others,” Kieren says after a while. “Are they still here? What are they going to do?”

“The Ascendants as a network exists no more. The other Fallen were all horrified to learn of the truth. Most of them left Roarton right away. But…”

“What?”

“I think… I think the others are going to regain their wings, too.”

Kieren pulls an inch back to look at Simon’s face properly. It holds nothing but… _faith._

“The holy light touched everyone there,” Simon explains. “The change wasn’t instant as with the three of us, but by the time Amy and I finished explaining, every Fallen appeared a bit healthier; their feathers a bit less scorched; their eyes not so eerie. I cannot say for sure, but I think He has healed us all. You, Amy and I were just–”

“Exposed to it directly, unlike the others,” Kieren finishes. “It would make sense. But what does this mean for the Fallen who weren’t there with us? Do you think they will heal, too?”

“I don’t know. I guess only time can tell. Although… Ornias _did_ say that you are connected to everyone, didn’t he? So maybe…”

He leaves the sentence hanging, but Kieren can finish it by his own.

Hope blossoms in his chest – so bright and beautiful he wouldn’t have thought he would be able to feel it again. It’s warm and bright, bubbling up in him like a small spring that holds the future of a powerful river.

“In any case,” Simon goes on, “I advised them all to keep looking for others; tell them about what happened here. I have faith that one day, they can all return to Heaven.”

Kieren smiles. It’s the first smile in a long time that is not clouded over by any negative emotions.

He feels weightless. _Free._

“We have to make sure that Heaven is in perfect shape by the time they get there.”

Simon looks at him. They share an understanding, in that moment - a purpose and a calling. And it’s perfect.

“Yeah. I know.”

With a bright flash of light and soft flapping sound, Amy pops up behind them.

“Ah, good, you’re not smooching,” she says, wearing a huge smile on her face. “Though… actually, I’d totally watch you do it.”

“Amy!”

“Relax, dumb-dumb, I’m just joking! And I’ve just got a smooch of my own, anyway.” She grins wildly and pinches Kieren’s cheek. “I didn’t have time to explain things to Philip, but I told him I was alright and I’d be back soon. So! Are we ready to go berserk on those assholes in Heaven? I want to finish soon, I’ve got a date set.”

Like fixing Heaven is something that could be done in a day.

Kieren is about to voice his doubts when a loud rumble of a thunder is heard from above. It comes so suddenly that they all jump before turning and tipping their heads back to stare up at the sky… and when they do, they are all stunned speechless.

There is a Throne in the distance, half-hidden in a whirling mass of clouds. Its four beryl-coloured wheels are spinning slow and even, the hundreds eyes on its rims all boring straight into the angels on Earth. By the gaze of those eyes Kieren feels like being stripped to his core - judged and weighed for everything that he is.

_:: Greetings, angels of Heaven. ::_

The voice is nothing like the silky sound Kieren had heard in his head during the night. This voice is earth-shattering, like a thunder in itself; powerful and all-consuming. It echoes and reverberates long in his mind.

Judging by the faces Amy and Simon make, they can hear the Throne, too.

 _:: I come by the wish of our Lord to guide you to our mighty realm. ::_ A hundred eyes blink at the same time. _:: Principality Amy. Dominion Simon. Seraph Kieren. You are to stand before the High Council of the First Sphere as the representatives of your respective Spheres. An audit is going to be held with the utmost urgency. Those who have darkness in their hearts will no longer be tolerated in the Holy Realms. ::_

Kieren’s throat feels tight – he honestly doesn’t know where he finds the will to speak to the Throne.

“What about the rest of the Fallen? Can they go home, too?”

He doesn’t yell, doesn’t even raise his voice... but the First clearly hears him: a hundred eyes are suddenly fixed on Kieren alone. He has to brace himself to not flinch as the powerful celestial gives him its undivided attention.

His mouth goes slack with surprise, however, when the spinning wheels tip forward a bit, as if… yes: the Throne is _bowing_ to him!

_:: Rest assured, Seraph of Earth. By the will of God, all will be well with time. ::_

Ah. Right. He’s a Seraph now –  one who stands above every other class. And not just a regular Seraph, either, but one with a human origin. A true First of his kind.

He’s not sure how to feel about this fact.

Kieren just nods and turns back to his friends. Amy and Simon seem just as stunned as he is, but they straighten up and Amy even shoots him a small, reassuring smile. Then, she reaches out and grabs both Kieren and Simon’s hands.

“Ready, boys?”

No. He doesn’t feel ready. At all.

But that has never stopped him from marching on, right?

Simon’s lips curl up when Kieren takes his free hand so they stand in a small, closed circle. The new Dominion’s fingers are no longer trembling with nerves: his palm is wide, warm and soothing as it wraps around Kieren’s hand.

They all share one last look, then turn toward the sky, toward the guiding light of the Throne… and with a white flash and rustle of wings, they are gone.

Brilliant stars again, flying back home.

 

_The End_

 

 

* * *

 

 **ETA 10/2015:** My [Day 3-5 drawings for Inktober 2015](http://aislinceivun.tumblr.com/post/130637827773/aislinwithabrush-inktober-day-3-4-5-this) were dedicated to this verse. Just a tiny glimpse into their future: I’ve always imagined that after bringing order back to Heaven, the trio spends most of their time chillin’ on fluffy clouds or having fun on Earth. Not caring at all that they aren’t really supposed to mingle because of their different classes.

Also, Kieren and Simon exhanged feathers and are now totally angel-married.^^ (And since Kieren is a Seraph now, he doesn't have the need for regeneration cycles anymore... so he will never lose his current memories and will be together with Simon till the end of times.)

 

* * *

 

Additional info, resources and recommended reading material. Feel free to skip if you’re not interested, these are just extras :)

**Angelic Hierarchy**

According to medieval Christian theologians, the angels are organised into several orders (‘Angelic Choirs’.) I said it in the beginning notes, but in this story I based the celestial hierarchy on the most influential classification, which was put forward by Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite in his book, “The Celestial hierarchy”.

Many schemes and hierarchies were proposed since the middle ages. They are really quite interesting, so I encourage you all to read more about the topic.

~ [Wiki page about the hierarchy of angels](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hierarchy_of_angels) 

~ [Wiki page about the Christian angelic hierarchy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_angelic_hierarchy) (the one I have based mine on) 

~ [Wiki page about the Jewish angelic hierarchy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_angelic_hierarchy); it inspired the Christian one

~ [A detailed study about various celestial hierarchies](http://archangels-and-angels.com/misc/angelic_hierarchy.html); includes side-by-side comparison

**Ornias (+ Victor Halperin)**

In the story, I merged the demon Ornias with the ITF character Victor Halperin… although his personality here is closer to my image of Ornias rather than the original Victor. I imagine that being reborn as a demon shifts the original personality of every angel (hence why the the other demon/angel hybrids were so ready to follow his lead). While still in Heaven, he was more like the Victor we know from the show.

And as for the Ornias from demonology… he is a fallen angel described as very troublesome. He has various abilities attributed to him, such as the gift of prophecy, shapeshifting and causing physical pain with a mere touch. As a shapeshifter, Ornias can transform into a man, a lion or a heavenly creature with wings. (When he is a man, he craves the bodies of effeminate boys; in the Testament of Solomon, every day at sunset he would visit a boy and suck the boy’s thumb to drain his energy.) There is no mention of him being a Cherub, but I thought it was too good of a chance to pass. :)

Ornias is the one who reveals to Solomon the existence of the Falling Stars – demons that fly up to Heaven to overhear God’s plans. When those demons fall back to Earth, they appear as shooting stars to humans.

([x](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_theological_demons#O)) ([x](http://www.deliriumsrealm.com/ornias/))

**Dantalion**

In demonology, Dantalion (or Dantalian) is a powerful Great Duke of Hell. He teaches all arts and sciences, and also declares the secret counsel of anyone, given that he knows the thoughts of all people and can change them at his will.

He is depicted as a man with many appearances, which means the faces of all men and women. There are also many depictions in which he is said to hold a book in one of his hands.

([x](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dantalion))

**Symbolism of the lark**

The meanings attached to larks are: harmony, luck, sacred sound, awakening.

Larks have a crescent shape across their breasts, which shape signifies lunar qualities. The moon is often linked with the concept of self, therefore the lark reflects the inward journey associated with self-discovery. They encourage us to explore our inner selves.

In the Bible, the lark, or skylark, symbolises the marriage of Heaven and Earth as it flies swiftly upward and then dives back ground; the human desire for happiness; hope and good fortune. The lark’s song symbolises a joyful prayer to God.

In mythology and literature the lark stands for daybreak. From Shakespeare’s Sonnet 29: _“the lark at break of day arising / From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate”_  . It is also associated with church services, and often the meanings of daybreak and religious reference are combined into a ‘spiritual daybreak' – to signify passage from Earth to Heaven and from Heaven to Earth. In Renaissance painters such as Domenico Girlandaio, the lark symbolizes Christ, in reference to John 16:16.

([x](http://www.universalsky.com/Articles/Animals/list_of_birds.htm)) ([x](http://www.pure-spirit.com/more-animal-symbolism/508-lark-symbolism)) ([x](https://books.google.hu/books?id=SImTll3uupIC&pg=PA258&lpg=PA258&dq=skylark+in+bible&source=bl&ots=ClMtbPToVS&sig=5LqsyN3gB0kur1b-uAHwP8aqx2I&hl=hu&sa=X&ei=Khj-VMjLPML5ygP30oKYAQ&ved=0CB8Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=skylark%20in%20bible&f=false)) ([x](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark#Symbolism))

In the end I must also mention the manga series **Na mo Naki Tori no Tobu Yoake - “Innocent Bird”** by Kisaragi Hirotaka. While I haven’t pulled from that story, its rich world of angels and demons, plus a certain side character with a bird companion have really inspired me. :) And the art is utterly gorgeous, so I recommend it for a nice read.

([x](https://www.mangaupdates.com/series.html?id=520)) ([x](http://www.mangahere.co/manga/innocent_bird/))

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I really loved working on this story (though boy, the next time I convince myself that writing long-fic for a minibang is not a bad idea, someone please stop me right away x'D) and I hope that you have enjoyed it, too. Let me know what you think! (You can also come say hi on [**tumblr**](http://aislinceivun.tumblr.com)^^)


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